Hi Oompa,
Sorry you are going through such emotional turmoil right now.
I faded and am currently on medicaton and am going through counseling for depression. It's quite common when you suffer loss but even more so when you get your world pulled out from underneath you as in our cases.
Counselors are great and important for recovery. We must remember that they are still people. People with different circumstances than us. They may slant advice based on their viewpoint of morality or religion. They shouldn't do this, but some do.
Counselors (as with medicine) are a tool. I mean, they are there to listen, hold up a mirror and show us ourselves. They give us emotional tools to help us cope and make good decisions. Ultimately, however the work of getting better...becoming emotionally healthy again is ours.
This is something foriegn to most former Jehovah's Witnesses. Because, as JWs, we developed "Magical Thinking" "we don't have to fight, because Jehovah will do the fighting for us" "we don't have to worry because Jehovah will take care of it"
Also, accepting the responsibility for our emotional & spiritual health is foreign to us as well. We are used to the Society taking care of our needs. We don't have to think for ourselves, they do it for us. We have become codependant in an unhealthy relationship.
I will try to give you my best advice. I may think of more things later...but, here goes:
- Become your own best friend. Things you would forgive your friend for, forgive yourself. The way you would love a dear friend, love yourself. Encourage yourself. Be patient with yourself. Compliment yourself.
- don’t let others determine your value. Realize that your intelligence and discernment is what helped you leave the Watchtower Organization. Other people's comments about you is based on limited knowledge and narrow viewpoint. Your strength of character shows from the inside out. Think about the time when you were most admired...you are still the same person and still have all the qualities you had then.
- Decide to Think Differently. Look at your marriage (for example). What has really changed? Your Thinking. Decide to start thinking differently about your marriage. Some things you may see as "negative" are part of life. you might as well try to find the positive.
- Change your mind to Positive. Start listening to yourself. If you find yourself saying "I can't" "I'm worthless" "I'll never be good enough" quickly tell yourself "STOP!" and change that thought to POSITIVE: "I Can" "I'm worth it!" "I AM good enough" Think positively on your situation and your marriage.
- Become your own Counselor. Learn as much as you can about mental health. Read articles that will help you cope and provide you with tools to become healthier. Exercise your energy (thoughts) so that you can become mentally strong. Research as if you were trying to help your best friend because you are.
- Laugh and Smile. watch this youtube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk (or whatever makes you laugh) Laughter causes physiological changes (in our bodies) that can affect well-being.
- Take Care of Your Body. Eat to live and love your body. Breathe deeply. Exercise. Pamper yourself.
These are a few things that I have found are invaluable in regaining our emotional health. We are a whole made up of the sum of our parts. By improving our physical health, it improves our emotional health.
Don't make any life changing decisions when you are going through emotional turmoil. Emotions cloud our thinking and judgement. When making a life decision, filter out emotions if possible or wait until our emotions have subsided.
Ok, I'm going to talk a little about JWD and my thoughts. (I understand that your "helping" comment was in reference to current JWs in your life.) On another thread I likened JWD to a wonderful buffet. There's a lot to choose from and we may not like everything. We come here and take what we need and go. We can come back any time we want and try something else. We have to be aware of what we are eating here. Is it all deserts? (if so, that's fine...but, we should find emotional nourishment somewhere)
A person may come here and initially be in great emotional distress. He/she needs someone to understand what they are feeling....to be able to let it all out so to speak. They may not care about doctrine or religion or research...they just want someone to put their arm around them and say "everything will be ok"
Now that person comes here and gets that...and a few laughs. He/She feels better. They can either stay and chat, or step away for a while to heal.
Some months later (or years) this same person comes back. The hurtful and painful emotions have subsided...but, they are bitter and resentful for being betrayed and lied to. They need something else from the board...a way to release anger. They do. They may cause some commotion, get into a few disagreements..but, they feel better. They can either stay and chat, or step away for a while to heal.
Some time passes...this same person has been thinking about spirituality. He/She wonders if they even believe in God anymore. They need something from the board...a spiritual discussion. They come back and notice there are several people who think like they do...they join in the discussions and are encouraged/discouraged and may encourage/discourage others. They realize that they are now able to think for themselves.
This is not cut and dry. It's different for everyone. Here's my point. (I think) lol
We need to talk about our pain to be able to heal. We must allow ourselves time to heal. Once we are healed we should let go of the pain and move on. This is healthy.
If we keep our pain with us at all times...carry emotional suitcases with us through life, we never heal. Every time we meet someone new...we take them aside and show them our suitcases and say "Look, look at me...this is my pain, this is what I have been through" We feel they won't "know" or "understand" who we really are unless they see where we have come from. This is unhealthy.
Oompa, I don't know where you are at present. It sounds like you are still going through an emotional crisis of sorts. Your focus should be on healing and getting emotionally healthy again. THEN you can make clearer decisions about other things in your life.
Hope this helps, it's from the heart (and mind).
~magicK
