hardest conversation of my life
by metaspy 56 Replies latest jw experiences
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Happy Harvester
Ha! ha! Oompa! I think I got a backbone this week! I actually returned someone's call that I was avoiding and told her what I think of her. First time for everything. Good luck metaspy. You deserve better. I hope you can move away and move on. You have the strenglth and ability. Seek the willingness!
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avishai
meta, you have a pm..
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Gringa
Get use to the brothter's visits. I left the organization 35 +/- years ago and my mom still sends them to visit me! here is what worked for me - The first visit is the hardest. You don’t gain a thing by arguing with her or them. It is best to remain silent and let them talk and each time they press you for an answer, tell them that you have made your mind up – no more - no less. If the brothers show up and you answer the door – I didn’t answer my door and still don’t 90% of the time – do not invite them in. It becomes impossible to get them out of your house. Talk to them at the door. They will ask to come in, tell them that it is not a good time; they will press you to tell them when it is a good time. Tell them you don’t know and you will call them to make an appointment – which of course, you will not do. They will continue to press you and preach to you. Listen politely, as I do, even to my mother to this day. When pressed for an answer, I avoid making any direct comment for my reasons for leaving and not returning because that just opens the door for them to debunk your thoughts. After you have had enough, politely close the door – they will do everything in their power to try to continue to talk, but be firm, it is not a good time and CLOSE THE DOOR. I am sorry to say that I have found it necessary to distance myself from my mom and my oldest brother (now deceased) for most of my life. It is sad to leave them but they will harp on you until you can’t stand it. Instead of bringing families together, they distance them and create tension and hatred, at times. Over the years, I have had only 2 truly good conversations with my mom. Those times were great because as I got stronger about my own beliefs it made it easier to tell her the things in my heart and at those moments she did listen. It has broken her heart and I understand. She knows that she will not be spending eternal life in the new world with me. I understand her pain, I really do. But, I assure her that I love her and I believe that she is wrong. I have my own family now and I focus on them and it eases the pain of the loss of my mom. It is a hard time, it gets easier. My mom is now 80 and she has been gentler to me now that 2 of my brothers have passed. We spent a week together recently (first time since I left home at 18) after my brother died and she even eased up on her preaching to me. Slipped in a few things that I let slide…. It is ok now. I don’t mind, it is her beliefs and I respect them. I ask the same courtesy from her and I think, just maybe, she is trying to give it to me. She will never stop trying to save me, I understand, she has to. It is her job. For that, I have to love her. Gringa
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Gringa
UGH! What happened to my paragraph's in my last post!!!? I cut and pasted it from Word. Sorry, I know it is hard to read that way.
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Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit
Hey there. Some great support here man.
Remember this also, it may not be your nature to speak up boldly in your defense, don't try to force yourself to react in a way that's not comfortable to you. Sounds like you've already spoken up about your intent and the issues you have with WTS, and it sounds like that was hard enough. What's lingering is the way your mom made you feel like you just slithered from her womb this morning. I'm here to tell you dude, you've already accomplished what you set out to do, it's those damn feelings of yours that are eating at you.
I'm generally a cold bitch when it comes to confronting people and things that displease me, but the fact is I get all sick when I feel a confrontation coming on, I recently figured out that confrontations are basically unpleasant and I had to accept that and say So What and move on.
You are not weak, and she is not strong.
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BluesBrother
If ever we have disagreed, I have to bend. Logic, reasoning, truth be d**ned if she disagrees with them.
Yes there are a lot like that in the ranks of the J W's.(especially female ones)..That is what makes them good J W's, they are willing to defend the indefensible and resort to tactics like name calling or tears when faced with a logical argument. I have learned that with these people words dont work..Whatever I say - they brand me as too stupid , too proud or too lazy to stay "in the Truth"..I cannot change their opinion (so far), so I have to let it be..but it does not change my opinions . I no longer buy their baloney.
I would rather talk to a P.O. than an emotional family member. I would be careful to word objections as questions and to avoid any dogmatic statements, I would acknowlege what he said as "food for thought" . It is better to be seen by him as a man with spiritual sickness than an outright opposer..then you can buy time
