A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up,
expecting to see some pitiful yankee. The bartender looks up and says, "You ain't from around here, are ya??? Where ya from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."
The bartender asks, "What the heck you do in Iowa?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"
The guy says nervously, "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's okay boys, he's one of us!"
Share your favorite silly/stoopid joke...
by Priest73 155 Replies latest social humour
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Priest73
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Priest73
Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had a fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah," said Eddie. "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Harvey replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
"She said, 'Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel!!!'" -
Brother Apostate
What did the cross eyed school teacher say to his disruptive children? - "I can't control my pupils."
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Priest73
What do you call a liberal jehovah's witness?
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Brother Apostate
What do you call a liberal jehovah's witness?
I dunno. disfellowshipped?
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Brother Apostate
How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? One, since his/her hands are in the air anyway.
How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.
How many Brethren does it take to change a light bulb? CHANGE?!!!
How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb? 10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness.
How many tv evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today.
How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb? None: Candles only.
How many Amish does it take to change a lightbulb? What's a light bulb?
How many Polygamous Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light!
How many Unitarians does it take to change a lightbulb? We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
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MsMcDucket
God didn't give the phone company his name because he didn't want people calling him day and night asking for help and money!
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Priest73
Q: How do you catch a unique squirrel? A: Unique up on it...
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MsMcDucket
I dialed (416) 014-4000 and got the psycho hotline!
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Priest73
I wonder how many folks here at JWD will attempt to dial that number. Hummm?