13, 10 and 3. It sucks but it is what it is. We'll all be OK. Can't have my girls thinking this is the correct way to have a relationship, can I?
momz
The end of marriage?
by BurnTheShips 64 Replies latest jw friends
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R.Crusoe
Interesting momz - as to what the correct way to have a relationship is - and whether any of us men actually know about it?
I mean, if a guy is on a high salary he has usually busted his ass as well to get there and so wont feel its a ride on a fairground!
Tricky territory and the kids equal time share stuff is a tricky zone for agreement. Sad situation unless you both feel agreeable as to all the resolutions! Best way to be from the odd few I know about since the alternative is very messy and for years on end!
Communication is key and its why JW ideology is poisoned evil in situations like this.
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momzcrazy
Good points RC. I would be fine to support him, and was fine to do so for a long time. He has busted his ass, and he is great at his job. But it is the women and late nights that have done me in. I am not treated with respect, but as an employee. I have to account for every move I make lately, yet he doesn't. I am only wanted for what I can do for him, not because I mean anything. There are more factors, but none that I can say here.
Yes, the children complicate things. They are my first priority. Should they see mom being tread upon and treated badly?
I would never make a blanket statement that all men do not know what a real relationship is. And I think that you must take each person's needs into account before defining it. My husband's needs are met here and abroad. Mine are not. I have my kids and a beautiful home. But I don't have a partner, or even a lover for that matter. I am constantly thwarted in what I want and need, to his benefit. That is not a good relationship for my needs. And my needs count too, or at least they should.
momz
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DaCheech
Don't get me wrong, i respect my wife...
she works, I work
i give her sex, she gives me sex
I do chores, she does chores (for goodness sake, I did 3 loads of laundry today, and mopped 2 floors, and bathed the children, and took them to 3 stores.
the thing is: things can change on a moments drop of a dime........... and guess what? the law doesn't care...... you can be screwed!
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momzcrazy
the law doesn't care...... you can be screwed!
Amen to that!
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DanTheMan
The question for me is, were marriage relationships more healthy back in the day? Did people really love each other more back then? Or was it just simpler times, different social pressures, and less opportunities that kept a lot of marriages together back then that would be over in a heartbeat in today's environment?
My parents were typical of their era. They married young, had no idea what they were doing, and started pumping out kids. They did what good Catholics do cuz that's all they knew. 23 years later the whole sorry thing came to an end when my dad finally admitted what was obvious all along - he couldn't fucking stand my mom. And I tell you what, the neighborhood was shocked. Nobody ever thought my parents would get a divorce. Not because they thought they were really in love, but because they thought my parents were too committed to Catholicism to ever divorce. Should they not have divorced? Yeah, it was hell at home for a long time. My mom was bitter beyond what you can imagine. And I was certainly a behavior problem at school. And maybe it would have been better for me in the short term if they had stayed together. But who knows. My parents parents never divorced, and from what I know of their childhoods, they grew up in horrendously abusive households. Sure, they never got into a peep of trouble in school, never dreamed of it. But is that the goal?
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R.Crusoe
Dan the Man - good points!
Take some folks today who go into a relationship and bail out when they see it's more responsibility by far and sacrificing flirting and fun than if they took th emoney and split!
Take those who look at the world of work and see it's much easier to do 3 yrs marriage to someone with high money and split!
Gameplayers are rife and so marriage is a game worth winning at to some!
And at the other end of the scale we have your less fortunate religious types sticking to someone for life because some invisisble god spotted them have sex and so they are bound for life!
It is a joke!
The idea of empowering the individual with free thought is an essential, but when they become gameplayers always seeking a personal low commitment high income advantage, one begins to wonder where love has gone?
It's even evident between siblings and parent child bonds where one is devoted (in their heart) to the other/s and trusting of the same in return, whilst the others mind is in the arena of a gameplayer and what they're getting out more than they're putting in!
Eventually the giver wakes up and ironically has to start behaving more like the taker which goes against their grain! But they have no alternatives left and the question has to be asked as to what is being done to preserve and enhance such souls for the future role models of humanity!
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Sirona
I thought there could be a convo on this here without this kind of crap.
You insulted me in your post. Maybe you think that we "cows" can't stand up for ourselves.
Sirona
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joelbear69
men can get sex without long term financial commitment. women do not need men's money to create a secure life for them and their children. thus. less marriage.
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R.Crusoe
True $£ do control many human lives in more ways than we accept!
For many romance is a pipedream! And those who had it often judge those who haven't - such cynicism
Money is the reality humans respond to!
Planet 'life' is up for sale!
Children are bargaining tools in relationship breakdown!
Co-dependency isn't understood or accepted as being the massive torture tool that it is:- humans are naturally tribal and so co-dependant!
Whichever parents gets overall control of children and finance most likely leaves the other suffering lifelong inner-isolation and detachment which instills dysfunction and purposelessness within to the point of lifelessness!
So psychologists who make up words for this show everyone that this is the limits of their capabilities apart from helping fuel the problem with circular reasoning! Few are the solutions I ever saw a psychological service propose without causing many lifelong problems for unsuspecting others !!
Humanity is a sad place for many a pure in heart! They are not needed! They are not wanted!
Money is king and the world is sadder for it!!