Jw upbringing and retarded social growth.

by AK - Jeff 68 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Mulan

  How was it possible for you to attend school, not salute the flag, not participate in holiday activities, be told that your classmates were all going to die, be taught that education is not important, and have your "worldly" friendships discouraged or outright banned - and not feel socially awkward and apart at the very least? Given those circumstances, even if one's nature is to be outgoing, how could that natural inclination not become stunted? I am curious.

  Remember I grew up in the 50's and was in high school in the 60's. It was no big deal to not do holidays. I didn't do it, and no one cared. Sometimes someone asked why and I said "it's my religion". Best answer for a child, I think. I couldn't have explained it further.

  Flag salute was more difficult, but I never felt weird about it, I just didn't do it.

  Worldy friends weren't forbidden, and I dated lots of worldly guys, and my school friends were at our house all the time. They all knew I was a JW, but they liked me and the family and it was okay. Friends from the congregation were school officers, cheer leaders, and athletes. Most of them are still JW's too, and the guys are elders, and the girls are married to elders, so it didn't "poison" them to participate in school things.

  Lots of them went on to college too, and I would have gone if I hadn't married so young. My father desperately wanted me to go to college. My brother did.

  My family were always very liberal about the JW's, even though they were very prominent witnesses, and very involved. Times were different, and the organization was totally a different place.
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  AK - Jeff

  but there is a permanent kind of dysfunctional non attachment to the human race portion of me. (I don't know if that makes sense to anyone)

  r.

  It does to me.

  Jeff
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  AK - Jeff

  My family were always very liberal about the JW's, even though they were very prominent witnesses, and very involved. Times were different, and the organization was totally a different place.

  Yes they were liberal - at least compared with my ultra-conservative Jw training here in the midwest. I think that had I [or you] visited the other's congregations in those days, Mulan, we would have wondered if we were truly part of the same religion. I think that Tyrone and I would have noticed no difference in ours. Interesting contrasts in this matter.

  Jeff
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  Tyrone van leyen

  Perhaps certain areas are less radical. Did anyone ever have record breaking parties? Not Guiness records. Mainstream music. They used to go through albums and about 90% of them were all demon possesed. Even my mother was breaking them. I even attended a party in my mid teens with fellow witness kids and the father demanded we turn the lights up and play kingdom music instead of mainstream.

  I remember being forced to walk out of movies like terms of endearment cause there was one swear word. If you didn't follow suit with the self riteous jerk who was acting all holy, you'd be labeled.

  I was banned from my own graduation.

  Later, when they finaly nailed me, they cut me out of both of my brothers weddings and my brothers made their best man, people who I know for a fact were having premarital sex. Even my brothers knew it.

  There was never a chance for me to any normal social cohesion. Thats why I ended up in destitution after they finally chopped me down in my prime. My ears are still ringing 20 years later.

  I have very little trust in human beings. All my early life taught me was that I'd be better off without them.

  When I enede up on the streets for 6 years, I got screwed left right and centre because of naivity and depression. Now I'm finally free of that bullshit too but have zero desire to meet anyone new. I've had a belly full of bullshit enough to last two lifetimes.
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  restrangled

  Perhaps certain areas are less radical. Did anyone ever have record breaking parties? Not Guiness records. Mainstream music. They used to go through albums and about 90% of them were all demon possesed. Even my mother was breaking them.

  I remember a "one man" record removing party by my mother. She would go through the albums and based on the cover would have the demonized music thrown out of her house.

  Does anyone here have the watchtower article that was studied in the 60's maybe early 70's that contained the lyrics from the beatles. The song was "Come together".....they quoted the stanza which contained: "Feel his disease"........There was a firestorm of hatred for new music, beards, clothing.

  It would be hilareous to see that article now!

  r.
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  flipper

  RESTRANGLED- I've felt the " disease " of the organization for years ! Whenever I get near witnesses; it's like I don't want what they have to rub off on me ! Scary ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  Spectre

  I somewhat hate theads like these with all the memories they bring up.

  Now to push them all back in the corner of my mind......
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  Layla33

  I definitely think it can retard social growth, you have a lot of group-think, you are not allowed to interact with others based on your own personal development and decision making. A lot of child psychologists and developmental psychologists realize how important it is to go through certain stages in your life, in order to form a healthy personality and have friendships and relationships that teach you and allow you to grow.

  In a religion such as JW, those types of freedoms are not allowed, everything is pretty controlled, from who you interact with, the friends you choose, how you socialize with "the world". It is an US vs THEM ideology and repression that can do so much damage. A lot of exjws are socially retarded and have to go through the development stages again, many are very introverted, have anger and paranoia issues, have problems making friends, may have hypersexual ideas, in just my very outside observation and limited research, I have seen these reoccuring themes.

  That is not to say it has to be like that, I have also seen pretty well adjusted ex jws too, I think it really depends on how your family interpreted the religion in their household and how strict they were, but I will say that I have never heard of a jw that was born and raised in the religion that didn't have any social issues once leaving. I think you will have some and hopefully with friends and support you can overcome it.
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  BizzyBee

  Remember I grew up in the 50's and was in high school in the 60's. It was no big deal to not do holidays. I didn't do it, and no one cared. Sometimes someone asked why and I said "it's my religion". Best answer for a child, I think. I couldn't have explained it further.

  Flag salute was more difficult, but I never felt weird about it, I just didn't do it.

  Worldy friends weren't forbidden, and I dated lots of worldly guys, and my school friends were at our house all the time. They all knew I was a JW, but they liked me and the family and it was okay. Friends from the congregation were school officers, cheer leaders, and athletes. Most of them are still JW's too, and the guys are elders, and the girls are married to elders, so it didn't "poison" them to participate in school things.

  Lots of them went on to college too, and I would have gone if I hadn't married so young. My father desperately wanted me to go to college. My brother did.

  My family were always very liberal about the JW's, even though they were very prominent witnesses, and very involved. Times were different, and the organization was totally a different place.

  I'm jealous!

  I grew up in the 60's, too, but my family took the admonition from the Society against worldy association very seriously. Worldy friendships were very limited and even then laced with guilt. (I remember telling my two shy little girlfriends in 7th grade, that they were going to die at Armageddon.) And dating anyone in the world was most definitely forbidden!

  I had a hard time with not celebrating holidays - not just missing out on the fun, but feeling embarrassed and set apart. Flag salute was embarrassing, too, because of being singled out and questioned, a couple of times in front of the whole class.

  Growing up, I remember a prominent family in the congo who sent their three daughters to college to become teachers. Even though they were a lovely family, they were talked about and criticized behind their backs for going contrary to the Society's directives about education.

  Edited to add: When you think about it, what factors could be more fundamental to a young person's development than, a) socialization with their peers and, b) their educational prospects? The JW inculcation I had pretty much squelched both.
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  sammielee24

  Maybe there are other issues in the case of you guys. I just don't see that it had anything to do with being JW's. I am a very outgoing person and always have been, so I can talk to just about anyone.

  Sorry, I just don't agree that it is the JW thing totally.

  I think it all boils down to how zealous your family is. How hardline. We were not allowed to have worldly friends and since my parents cut out worldly relatives systematically, it meant no outside influences. Go to school and come home, go to meetings, field service and after school jantorial work. I loved basketball and my brothers and I were great at it but after school sports weren't going to happen. We didn't take family vacations unless it was time spent going to the convention. No matter how outgoing a person is, I believe that if it is beat down it changes a person. It might not be just a JW thing but there is no doubt that for anyone raised inside a zealous household they will most likely have issues. I recall sitting in the hall as a little kid and being terrified that they would call my name out - I didn't understand disfellowshipping at the time but I was taught that if my name was called out then I would die. I would be all alone.Pushed out into the world. That fear of dying once I was in the world has been one, if not the, hardest thing to overcome. Since the fear of dying out in the world was so strong, I like a lot of good JW kids, did everything we could to toe the line. That included changing our personality to fit the mold and when you do that so young, you never have a chance to understand what you can do or who you are.