If your parents were well thought of, "prominent", then you "belonged". My parents certainly watched for "bad associations", Bewitched and Dark Shadows, but they were not strong. No pioneering, no ministry school, frequent missing of the meetings, etc. I talked to a counselor at one point, and that is one of the things we discussed. I never felt that I fit in in the world, but I never felt like I fit in as a witness either. I always felt ashamed somehow. Never good enough.
I could have written the gist of that comment.
My mother was 'inactive' almost since the day she was dipped. Still, I was 'indoctrinated' at home, and expected to act like a full-blown witness kid at school and elsewhere. I think that I had some heavy conflict inside due to the fact that I lived like a witness, and thought I should - yet my parents were not attending many meetings, nor taking me to many. I felt like a flag blowing in the wrong country at times.
When I did actively 'attach' myself at 14,15, and then later at 17 when I was baptised, I obviously had no one to really support me. So I had no one - father, mother, or mentor - to actually buffer me, and give me any reasonable alternatives to whatever the Society was teaching. I was close to a couple of elders early on - and of course I became the slave to their radical ideas.
I never fit in any clique in the organization, when I look back on it. I rejected the 'world'. Even while I still lived at home, I didn't fit there either. I was the 'good little Jw', and the family appeared more and more worldly in my indoctrinated mind.
Today, at 52, I do not have a single person in my life that I knew before I left the organization [excepting family]. But I must say that with every passing day it has gotten easier. My ability to survive without much support was good at the beginning. I have gradually developed a few friends from the community. I think that with my history I could survive without anyone, though admittedly I don't want to.
And I will say this: I probably have more fun at simple 'worldly events' than most. This week we attended our Granddaughter's Spring Sing - and I don't think anyone there had more fun than me. A school sporting event has the same effect. Expectation delayed, and all. To others it is old hat - but for me it is brand new.
Jeff
