Jw upbringing and retarded social growth. (page 6)

BurnTheShips

I too was retarded and an outcast.

It affects me to this day.

BTS

What a messed up bunch we are in so many ways....and that included me. But after reading this thread, I feel like one of the very lucky few here with apparently liberal JW parents. Grade school was the only awkward times with the holidays, birthdays, and flag stuff. I was always very outgoing (loudmouth cutup), so personality probably matters. But having an older sibling teen who was clamped down upon too much by my folks (and dfd) they let me really widen out as a teen. They embraced my close school friends, and I had an equal number JW friends. They let me play sports in HS, and even go to the prom with my school GF!

But once HS was over, that daily contact with my "worldly" friends was replaced by JW life only.......I so wish I had swung the other way back then............oompa

Thanks mom and dad for letting me be a little normal growing up.

noni1974

I'm pretty much a loner. I always have been. At the same time I've always had at least one really good friend in my life at all times. Except for the last year or so. I've been alone and BFF less for a while now. I have lots of "friends" or as I call them people that I know. No one that I can really call in the middle of the night if I need to talk.

Growing up I was encouraged to only be friends with JW's. I had "friends" in school but they never came to my house and I never gave them my number so they never called me and I never called them. Still to this day I've only had one BFF that wasn't raised a JW in my whole life. She was the one who helped open my eyes to the cult and showed me life on the outside.

I read a lot. I lived my life through books for a long time. The people in the books were my friends. I was one weird kid that's for sure. I'm still not like other people. I've decided that I'm ok with that.

As I've gotten older I have changed somewhat. Not a lot. I still don't give out my phone number to people I don't know really well. Even when I do 99% of the time I don't call them first. I always wait for them to call me. I'll talk to just about anyone. I just don't feel close with people. Animals is a totaly different story. I can open my heart to any animal I see. Just ask A&W. LOL!! Here kitty kitty!!!

Good news is I recently made a friend at work. She's a nice girl a few months younger than me. I also found my old BFF from my teen years as a JW. She was a JW too and has now left as well. The last time I saw her was about 7 years ago. The last time we really had a relationship was about 12 years ago. She got married and her husband didn't like me so he forbade her from talking to me. I met up with her Saturday. She's divorced from the asshole now. Our connection was still there. Plus I have really good friends from other boards I talk to all the time. So now I have a few close friends. Not to mention all my apostate buddy's I've met from here. If only I could get over my phone weirdness I'd probally have a ton more friends. I'm a friendly type of person I just don't know how to make real deep connections with people easy.

I think it has a lot to do with how I was raised. People outside the congergation just weren't friends material. Now I don't have a congergation to choose friends from so it's harder to find them.

Mulan

Washington is a Liberal state, politically too.
What the hell has that ever had to do with being a JW? JW's don't care about political nuances. I grew up in California where we elect movie stars to govern us! But as a JW I was taught to be in the world, "but not part of the world."

I only meant that maybe the Liberal mentality of the people here, carried over into religion. Probably not a well thought out comment, because the JW's are really conservative here now.

AK - Jeff

As I've gotten older I have changed somewhat. Not a lot. I still don't give out my phone number to people I don't know really well. Even when I do 99% of the time I don't call them first. I always wait for them to call me.

Interesting. Me too!

I have numbers of many people on my phone list - probably a dozen or so from JWD. I have spent many hours on the phone, and consider several of these people my close friends. I would never refuse a call from almost anyone. And as a result of the phone, I have made some really close friends. Yet, I rarely make the call. If they call, I am always happy to speak with them, and love our conversations, I just don't like to initiate the call for some reason. I don't use my cell phone for the same reason. Don't even carry it most of the time.

Jeff

scotsman

Like Mulan, it certainly wasn't my experience, and my partner thinks that most exJWs he meets are socially high functioning.

Not that everyone was socially adept in the congregation, but thinkig of my peers who weren't, they were the product of parents (recent converts) who were socially inept and they possibly allowed their faith to exacerbate it in their kids.

Tyrone van leyen

Lots of interesting comments here. No Jeff I didn't go for it. I was dieing inside. I snapped. I somehow realized that if I stayed in this org. I would be a bow tie wearing geek and never have a girlfreind. I lost it.

I never held a girls hand or dated. Girls didn't like me, and I don't blame them, but it wasn't my fault. I decided one day that I had to do something, and I did. It was outrageous and out of character for me, but I went and hired a prostitute. It was a situation they created by Continuously Kiboshing my life. I'm not a bad lookin guy either. I blame them 450%! Unfortunately, that took me down a completely different path in life, especially after the public announcement. I made the mistake of telling someone I trusted, and she told every elder from here to montreal. My name, my reputation became mud overnight. To this day I have still never had a date. It was just never explained to me.

Our congregation was so bad in its restrictions, I know others that did the same as me after but were never puinished.

That brings me to the double standards, double life, favoured lot. The guys in the know. The ones who are protected. I was the scapegoat. I was the one you point the finger at. Theres the bad guy! Theres the guy you want, while all the elders sons partied, had sex and did whatever they wanted acting all riteous. I despise them! Please beleive me I spent 20 years digging up dirt and I know what every frigging one of them got away with. I have talked to them personally, caught some in the act.

My family just would't beleive me. They were a bunch of tools! Subsequently my guilt, my self esteem, my depression at the most crucial time in my life, there was zero support from anyone and I became a more or less a pariah. I have never told my full story and don't know if I ever will. It's effin ugly. I now have no mercy, on any witness. I got a 20 year sentence so to speak, for what they orchestrated and they were all just as guilty. Disgusting! They fear me now. They know I know the score.

I don't condone what I did. But they created that scenario! I can take my licks if the rules are broken too, but everyone else better get the same consequences. They didn't, and never will.

All this happened at a very bad time too. During the great purges of the mid-eighties. They needed me, to point a finger at. A vulnerable naive teen to make an example of. I helped protect their delinquent little bastards!

AK - Jeff

Tyrone - I think you and I can get along just fine. I feel your pain on many levels bro.

I hope you can leave the bitterness behind someday. They don't care anymore, and it will only eat you up.

Did you go on and find a good partner in life? I hope so.

Jeff

Tyrone van leyen

Your'e right Jeff. They don't care. I am also very aware of the bitterness factor. I have seen slight changes in my rage towards a milder appraoch and realize how this encroaches upon my enjoyment of life. I still get triggered though at times.

Since my last failed relationship, I have lived like a hermit now for about four years. In a way the aloneness and this board has caused much internalized thinking and I really think in some ways its a good thing for now. I couldn't have gotten this far otherwise.

I can certainly relate to many worst case scenarios, but I'm not always strong enough on account of my own blinding depression at times, and disappear off the radar. I hope no one takes it personal. I just shut down sometimes. You must understand that. I guess that doesn't make for a very good freind, but it does, if fellow victims know what I'm talkin about.

All of us find this place a comfort,because we can engage and relate and then crawl back into our own world of safety. I don't want it to be like this forever. I beleive wer'e on the right track bud.

It's funny but when others understand,it brings me out more. No one wants to come across as a crybaby or complainer. We just want to be understood and relate to one another.

Beleive it or not, I used to actually like people. We all need to heal,and dare I say, trust again.

noni1974

It's weird isn't it Jeff?? I'll call people back but it's always that first phone call that I just don't make. After that I'll call them if I want to talk to them. They have to be the one who calls me the first time.

Jw upbringing and retarded social growth.

Share this