isn't that case a bit extreme, or does/did every JW you know/knew behave as cold, calculating individuals that are simply trying to get ahead?
IT~No, it is not true that every JW I know/knew is that cold and calculating. However, a lot of them are. I've been surprised by the sides of people I've been allowed to see now that I'm no longer a JW. It's as if they know they have nothing to lose now if they do things in front of me because, even if I "told" the elders in their congregation what they've done, I have no credibility, so they are much more blatant now than they ever were when I was an insider.
I'll only share my personal experiences here:
My ex-husband is an elder and his wife is a pioneer. My ex- and I have a son, now 25 years old. When he was 17, our son was DF'd for smoking. On his 18th birthday, while he was still a senior in high school, his pioneer stepmom told him that he was never to step foot in her house or speak to her again. She said that she had an obligation to him until he was 18 and now that was over. Until he was reinstated he was not allowed back in her house. She did this on his 18th birthday and said this in front of me. She told him to get all of his things out and go. To this day, his dad sneaks and goes to see him behind her back. (Good for him. The one good thing I can say about my ex-husband is that he loves our son dearly.)
My mother, also a super-JW, had serious surgery and almost died. None of my siblings could/would help care for her, so my dad asked me to move in and care for her until he retired. I quit my job, gave up my apartment, and my dad convinced me to give my furniture to my uncle rather than pay storage. I got room and board and $100/mo. spending money. I cared for her round the clock with no help. One day, after she had somewhat recovered, my mother went to an assembly or special talk or something with two of my JW siblings. When she got home that day, she got out of the car and told me that she could care for herself now and, thus, I had to get out. Right then. That day, actually that hour. She was on fire for "the truth." I had nowhere to go, as I'd given up everything to take care of her. I stayed in my car that night (it was February in the Midwest) and then moved into an abandoned gas station for a few months until I could get a job and then get an apartment, both of which I'd given up for her. My wonderful, self-righteous JW siblings (who hadn't cared for her for even one hour after she came home from the hospital or even cooked us one meal) were proud of her for standing up for what was "right", which they'd put her up to, of course. (This is my same brother who is an elder.) My mother felt that it was okay for me to be there to care for her when she really needed me but heaven forbid she give me two weeks to find a job when she was done using me. What would the elders say about her allowing me to live in her house once she could wipe her own a@s?
My mother is a pillar in her KH and considered to be one of the sweetest people anyone there has ever met. She goes around and picks up all the old people at nursing homes and drives them to the meetings.
My mother has only one sibling, a brother. I saw her literally jump up and down and clap her hands when she found out he'd been disfellowshipped for smoking because she couldn't stand him and now she had an excuse not to visit him or speak to him ever again. She had to endure him for awhile (family business) when their mother was dying. Now that Granny is dead, she hasn't seen him or spoken to him.
My oldest brother DA'd himself. He came home from work one night to discover his house had caught on fire and burned down. Literally. He went to my other brother's house a couple of miles away (I have four brothers) and my sister-in-law refused to let him in because there was an elder and his family living next door! How would it look to have a DA'd man in the house overnight, she said? This s-i-l was a pioneer at the time. That is cold and calculating, thinking only of how one looks to people in the congregation, and not caring at all about familial responsibilities.
Frankly, many people (ex-JWs) who knew me are so appalled by how my family has treated me that they will come to me to commisserate when their family does horrible things to them. I think that's why I know so many horrible stories. I think there are lots of people at the KH that we think are salt of the Earth who are living a double life, with one side they show to the brothers/sisters at the KH and another side they unleash on "worldly" family members who have no power over them.
Again, not everybody at the KH is a monster. But there are probably more of them than many of us would believe there are. I've been shocked that some people I really loved growing up have turned out to be pedophiles. With one man in particular, he was so nice, I wouldn't have believed it if he weren't serving a prison term.
