Ask Happy Homemaker! (page 23)

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Dear Happy Homemaker,

What tea would be appropriate to serve when welcoming the Age of Aquarius into my home?

SacrificialLoon

Dear SL,

There is dispute over the actual commencement of the AoA, but that should not impinge upon our taking delight in a cup of restoring tea! My personal choice would be the so-called herbal teas, which are, more correctly, tisanes or infusions.

Some experts suggest that entrance into the new age (whenever) will develop into an era wherein one should allow a space for silence and a connection to the Ultimate Reality. The avoidance of all that is artificial but the pursuit of the organic is key. Happiness is from within and not dependent upon external events. Compassion is elemental to maintaining balance ...

Chamomile tea will allow you to relax, being of a proper frame of mind when your guest arrives. We surely do not wish to be "all nerves," do we? Nevertheless, your fervid anticipation over the water bearer's arrival may give you a tummy ache - an infusion of dill will wipe out all the butterflies. Be sure to avoid kava root tisane as that could promote talkativeness and we don't wish to be off-putting toward our honored guest. Remember - silence.

As to the tisane de resistance. Hibiscus (a nice blend may be had by combining with hips de la rosa) promotes longevity and fennel wards off potential visionary problems. Your guest plans on hanging around, what is it, some 25,000 years or so? [disputed]. Well, surely, he knows! The aforementioned "teas" and their ingestion is merely symbolic on the part of your guest; it's you, mortal being, who stands to benefit, given the legendary potency of tisanes.

If Aqua's pleased with your hospitality, he may stick around!

Hope this helps!

Happy Homemaker!

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Dear Happy Homemaker,

As one ages, and simultaneously racks up the vagaries and baggage of aging, slumber becomes ever more precious and elusive. Actually, it can become quite a slippery little basta.....well, you get my drift........please expand on this theme.............

BB

Dear BB,

Well, here I am a few hours later, having logged my first entry an hour ago. The "slippery little basta...." [doesn't "basta" mean "enough" in Spanish?] is visiting again. Actually, he lives with me but doesn't pay rent. I just made him a cup of kava root tisane so he can chat me up and keep me company.

I referred earlier to making the best of a less-than-parfaite situation. Below is what I toss and turn over, prompting me flee the horizontal and get my act together a la verticale:

(1) I want to sleep through the night.

(2) I want my family back.

(3) I want a living wage.

(4) I want to be happy.

(5) I want to be rid of asthma.

Now which of these four do I already possess?

Number 4. Absolutely.

I no longer dwell upon my losses, which contemplation is exacerbated by the interminable length and wracking loneliness of so many a sorrowful night. Certainly, I am aware of loss and pain and the sense of failure with which all my peers deal. My silly little point is that no pill or tea or mind-set [how I hate that hyphenated, new-age word!] is the solution. For others, perhaps, but not moi. I read, I write, I walk, I teach, I love. Ca suffit pour moi....

The above may not be exactly in concert with the purpose of this column nor align with such responses appropriate to your sincere request; nevertheless, it is an expansion upon the theme of one's frustration with inconvenient wakefulness. I still hold to my philosophy of making the best of a bad situation.

Hope this helps!

Happy Homemaker!

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Happy Homemaker is away from his desk for the duration ...

Thank you.

Staff

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ASK HAPPY HOMEMAKER! AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE!

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Can I help you with your cleaning this week? I can fit you in ...

HH

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Dear Happy Homemaker,

My grandchildren bought me a giant urn for the patio as a birthday present. No, not for my ashes - later maybe. I want to plant "Star Creeper" (Isotoma fluviatalis) in it though it's just a shallow-rooted ground cover. It's a waste to fill the entire urn with costly potting soil.

What do you suggest?

Thank you.

Penny

Dear Penny,

Invert a smaller but fittable (obviousemente!) flower pot in the urn to fill the void. Place soil around and atop said pot. You save soil and money. If you cannot comfortably fit a pot in, substitute lightweight rock in order to fill the space and afford easier urn moving, however necessary and frequent patio rearrangement should prove to be.

A penny saved is a penny urned.

Hope this helps!

Happy Homemaker!

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Dear Happy Homemaker,

How can I send photographs safely in the mail without having to purchase those not-cheap padded envelopes?

Thanks a bunch.

Phil

Dear Phil,

Do you save foam food trays? I have a heap if you need a couple. Cut two down to size to fit inside your mailer. Be sure all meat juices or whatever are scrubbed away before placing photos betwixt the dry foam pieces. This should absolutely prevent folds or creases to your precious photos but for a disgruntled mailman gone postal.

Hope this helps!

Happy Homemaker!

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Dear dirty-handed, avid gardeners:

Place leftover soap scraps in the foot portion of an old nylon stocking and tie it off. Hang soapy "hose" near outdoor faucet. Your personal outdoor cleanup will be facilitated by rubbing lathery contents between hands and scrubbing knuckles with slightly abrasive mesh to whatever extent you might deem appropriate.

Hope this helps!

Happy Homemaker!

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Dear Happy Homemaker,

We kids love ice cream. Me? Chocolate the best! We stuff our cones so much they get really really melty and messy. My Mummy makes me wear crisp white tops everyday and I'm always getting gooey chocolate on my hand from the ice cream that dribbles out the bottom of the cone and I wipe it on my top and we live in Arizona. I catch heck from her (Mummy).

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Or top?

Thanks.

Chocco

Dear Chocco,

1) Stuff a marshmallow in it (the bottom of your cone) to plug up the end and 2) lick your hand before it reaches for your crisp white top and 3) get a brown top and 4) leave Arizona (at least for the warm season).

To do # 3 and # 4 you may have to be declared a mature minor by law. That won't stop Mummy from nagging you, however. Change your mobile phone number.

Tell Sis (unless you're already a female - you said "top" - not "shirt" nor "blouse"; are you hydrogynous?) that she can use marshmallows from the very same bag and place them between her toes before applying nail polish to her toenails. If it's not against her/your religion. Do not reuse these marshmallows for stuffing her/your future ice cream cones.

Hope this helps!

Happy Homemaker!

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Dear Happy Homemaker,

I just love being a girl! Big hair! Bright red lipstick! Poodle skirts! Saddle Oxfords and bobby socks!

I still have my highly-teased beehive coiffure from the 60s when I was in high school. The Aqua Net keeps it right where I want it. Since I buy hair spray by the case, I was wondering to what other uses I might put the miracle glue that binds and gags (I hold my breath while atomizing and learned the hard way why you shouldn't smoke while spraying. Restorative plastic surgery is such a bother!).

Thank you.

Bee

Dear Bee,

I thought you'd never ask! Spray:

1) your freshly polished shoes to keep wax on.

2) your kids' art work before hanging it.

3) items hit with ballpoint pen ink.

4) curtains to maintain them crisp and clean.

5) the underside of cut flower leaves and petals to keep them fresh longer.

6) houseflies, wasps, hornets. It glues together their wings rather than antagonize
them like commercial insect sprays.

7) lipstick on your collar (to remove it).

How often do you replace your beehive? Given # 6, I'm beginning to wonder if hairspray on your type hairdo might not be counterproductive.

No comment on your aging gracefully.

Hope this helps!

Happy Homemaker!

Ask Happy Homemaker!

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