Ask Happy Homemaker! (page 24)

compound complex

Dear Readers,

Happy Homemaker is out and about today collecting comestibles for his Old Mother Hubbard's larder.

Cupboard?

Thank you for your support.

Staff

Hope4Others

I have cats...messy little things...

How do you keep there area clean? They constantly drag sand out of there box and what ever

goes with it..lol

Maybe I'll have to stand there and wipe their paws...

h40

compound complex

Dear Happy Homemaker,

Regarding my litter kitties:

"Maybe I'll have to stand there and wipe their paws..."

H40

Dear H40,

Well, what you have surmised as the solution is, perhaps, the best overall answer to this catch-22 dilemma. I once did the same for a very fastidious yet ardent feline-fancier client. As one assists one's precious puddytats with their daily evacuations and voidings, one interacts with them on a most intimate level. It is a bonding that links one inextricably with them and their cat guts.

Or you can have designed and engineered a series of interconnecting clean rooms that lead to that tidy-cat, sand dune outhouse. On Kitty's way out, she will be gently swabbed and air-dried, much like an automobile going through a deluxe car wash. I would, however, opt-out for the final wax job. It may cost you a tidy sum, but this high-tech domestic feature would ensure the utmost in maintaining a sanitary environment in which both you and your sweet, sweet cat might happily and hygienically co-exist.

Your home's appraised value will augment accordingly.

Hope this helps!

Happy Homemaker!

restrangled

Dear Happy Homemaker,

I have 2 very large short haired dogs. The house is all hard wood floor or tile. I have a new airconditioning system with a 6 inch filter installed by Trane.

No matter....there is dog hair on every possible surface. I vacuum daily. Brush them daily outside, and bathe them weekly. I have even tried wiping them down with duct tape to capture hair!

It winds up on counters, sinks, beds, etc.

Any suggestions for reducing the amount of dog hair in this house would be much appreciated.

r.

compound complex

Dear Happy Homemaker,

Any suggestions for reducing the amount of dog hair in this house would be much appreciated.

r.

Dear r.,

It is legend that Tangled Errs, to which I divine you are inerrantly inter-tangled and -twined, are at one with their precious, beloved pooches. Because of the considerably larger scale on which you must predicate all decisions and procedures canine domesticus antihirsuteaccumulatus, I would hesitate to recommend the engineered proposal offered to our earlier cat-owner reader.

Once again I must disclose that other clients - those owning longhair dogs - fought a losing battle in the arena you have described. Actually, it was I, the hapless and hopeless housecleaner, who was pulling out my own hair over the unstoppable shedding of canine hair/fur/whatever. Waxing a floor in said environment (just as bad in a hair salon where towel-drying on hands and bended knee a freshly scrubbed, rinsed and wet-vacuumed floor made only a minor difference in achieving a hairless floor) is an exercise in futility and an experiment in terror.

I have offered you no solution; my rant is a cry to the heavens for an answer ...

I've got it! I've got it!

For the love of pets, let us live at their level and dispense with all these silly, artificial standards of domestic life. Install dirt floors, replace upholstered seating appliances with those wooden and remove all other hair/fur/whatever-attracting textiles. Our ancestors shared the premises with sheep and pigs and children (kids)....

GO RUSTIC!

Hope this helps!

Happy Homemaker!

I am stumped, hard as that may be to believe.

restrangled

Dear Happy Homemaker:

Your response had me shrieking so loud with laughter, my dogs actually shook and shed more of the dreaded same.

My counters, sinks, floors, and bedding remain in the same condition but at least there is a smile on the owners face..

I hope I am not the only dog owner feeling the pain.

r.

compound complex

Dear r.,

HH

compound complex

Dear Happy Homemaker,

I travel a great deal for business purposes and eat out daily. Restaurants, roadside stands, fastfood joints and so forth. After a while, the food gets to tasting all the same and I'm bored with it. I'm not about to brown-bag-it either. Too inconvenient.

Any thoughts how to spice up my fare?

Thanks,

Rolf

Dear Rolf,

Are you ever home much? Well, if so, go through your spice rack and select your favorite salts and spices. Acquire a box of straws and snip them into segments a few inches in length. Fold and tape shut one end and, having placed the straw segment over a catcher receptacle, carefully fill with minute portions of said salts/spices.

Be daring! Be dashing! Mix and match if you have the stomach for it! Upon filling straw segment, fold and tape shut filler end. Assemble seasoning tubes in small container and pack it along on your next trip.

Bon appetit!

Happy Homemaker!

compound complex

Dear Happy Homemaker,

I live in a tiny apartment with no hookup for a washer/dryer laundry center. Being totally without coin for the laundromat and hardly able to afford TIDE, how in the world can I maintain my clothing spanking clean? While I may be poor, I do have some tattered shreds of pride that remain affixed to my person. Filthy rags I cannot abide.

Thanks,

Cleveland

Dear Cleve,

Rather than stoning your garments creekside or scrubbing your knuckles raw on the washboard, you must assemble for yourself the following appliance:

Manually-operated washing machine

Obtain:

5-gallon plastic bucket

Toilet plunger (new)

Hand soap slivers

Cut hole in center of lid bucket that is
slightly larger than plunger handle. Take
plunger and center it in the bucket.

Partially fill "washer" with water suf-
ficiently hot to soften soap slivers that
find themselves scattered about bucket's
capacious lower level.

Add clothes and warm water within a
number of inches of the bucket's top.

Affix lid securely to bucket, allowing
plunger handle to poke through.

Apply motion in upward/downward strokes.

When the above cleansing actions are
complete, drain bucket by tipping it (either
to the right or left - your choice) into a receiver
basin for your next load.

Refill "washer" - with all internal items intact -
with rinse water.

Repeat the above procedures as desired.

Do not kick the bucket ...

Hope this helps!

Happy Homemaker!

compound complex

Washing
INSTRUCTIONS

Machine Wash, COLD	Machine Wash, COLD Permanent Press	Machine Wash, COLD Gentle Cycle	Hand Wash
Machine Wash, WARM	Machine Wash, WARM Permanent Press	Machine Wash, WARM Gentle Cycle	Do Not Wash
Machine Wash, HOT	Machine Wash, HOT Permanent Press	Machine Wash, HOT Gentle Cycle

www.textileaffairs.com Laundry Guide to Common Care Symbols

Ask Happy Homemaker!

Share this