by mtsgrad 125 Replies latest jw friends
Abbagail
I am a he and my one night stand is a she whi is fully aware of my circumstances. I could have lied and said I was single, but chose not to.
Maybe I am deluded but I think it could be enormous fun for the two of us, or maybe may 7yr itch has made my reasoning go awry.
Cheers
mtsgrad
MTS, you sound very much like me 12 years ago.
There was a girl i was close to when my marriage was on the rocks. We were close friends, in the end nothing more happened but i did consider taking it further. I finished with my ex and decided to go it alone for a while to get my head straight, this was the best thing for me.
If you have split with your wife and it's over there is nothing wrong with moving on. As i have said calling it an affair is the JW mindset. If however you need people's advice on it, perhaps you are not ready and just on the rebound, or perhaps you think finding a new woman is going to solve all your problems.
There is a whole new world out there post JW's and post a bad marriage, don't make any rash decisions if you're unsure. If you're anything like i was you need a bit of time to sort your head out, in my case this was a couple of years.
Paul
Edit: If it's just a one night stand you're after what's the big deal? why take advice on it? Just go out on a Friday or Saturday night to any nightclub in Britain and it's there on the plate if you're up for it. From my own experience, believe me i have partied hard, it isn't going to make you feel better about you and your ex. Yes you've had a good night and maybe you need to get it out of your system. But waking up next to a stranger, who's name you have forgotten or didn't even ask, doesn't really make things better. In my case it was more about catching up with a lost youth than anything else.
FlyingHigh said for me to "Tell Him."
;-) I thought I did.
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mtsgrad:
Eeeeh, well, it's probably one of those things where people have to learn the hard way, because when the magnetic attraction is going strong, nothing could look like more fun. BUT...... oh boy, the fun wears off pretty fast when reality hits... especially for the girl/lady. And she will basically hate your guts in the end (even if she never says it) for getting her to fall head over heels for you and then wasting her time/life, when/if months later you are still not divorced for whatever reasons (finances, family, car breaks, lose job, family member dies, dog dies, etc. etc.), and she gets stuck waiting for the calls, the quick visits, never knowing when you'll be able to show up, etc. etc. -- All the stuff that "held so much promise" in the beginning turns to sheeeite real fast.
It's usually a win-win for the married guy, as it breaks up the boredom and monotony in his life either way. But it sends the single female on the road to hell. Do some googles to get the girl's point of view (even if she can't see it yet, which I'm sure she doesn't if she's never lived it before). Here's a few I found off the cuff: http://www.topdatingtips.com/married-affairs.htm ; http://www.ezilon.com/information/article_15240.shtml ; http://www.improve-your-romance.com/relationship-advice-dating-married-men.html ; http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/41 .
Going back five years or so there used to be a yahoogroup for "the other women" but I can't find it now (there were several of them actually). But if I could find it, I would say, oh boy, go read the descriptions of how those women describe their "married man" and see if you don't see yourself in those descriptions. ;-/
The truest truism I ever heard about this, years after the fact, was from an Oprah show when one of her psychologist guests said, "It is an INSULT to a single female for a married man to show interest in her."
Like I said, years after the fact I could say, AMEN TO THAT! Because in the early early early days when he FIRST called me, I WAS INSULTED and thought to myself, "Who the H does he think he is? I never said he could call here..." Yet he kept it up, ever so slowly and subtly, month after month, very innocent voicemails he would leave, etc. And over time he broke me down... and over the years he almost killed me. Stupid, yes!
Tell the girl, Don't be STUPID.
From the man's point of view, a former friend's hubbie told her that he had previously dated a married woman, and that it was the most miserable five years of his life, and he would never do it again for a million dollars.
Another friend wasted seven years dating a married man.
And yet another friend wasted 16 years.
(I fall somewhere in between those two, like the sucker I was).
Yes, those relationships come in all shapes and packages and timelines. But they all sucked!
Bottom Line: Don't Do It. If not for your sake, then for hers (the "other girl's sake".) If she becomes miserable because of your situation, then you will feel it and be miserable too. The "honeymoon phase" will last 2-5 months or less. The rest is pure misery.
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Now that I said way more than I ever intended to, I'm going to go crawl under a rock, lol.
It sad that you need legal counsel before having sex. What a cool country you live in.
On another point mts, if you have been a jw all your life and saved yourself till marriage, then with respect you're sexually immature...like i was, like a good many of us were or are.
May be you need to get it out of your system, after all you can only learn by experience. But it sounds more like you're trying to catch up with something that you missed as a youth, more than anything else.
But then again i may be well off the mark (but i don't think i am ).
Paul
Jehovah will destroy you.....oh crap we dont believe in him.....not my buisness to say.
During my first marriage I technically cheated on my husband (I can hear all the exclamations of "No! Not you MrsJones!" ) Yes me. But here's the story. I married too young, I was 21 (15 in jw years ). The marriage lasted only a few months before he left on the pretense of going to school in another state (he quickly disappeared). I found him a couple of months later (he wasn't a very good escape artist) and filed for an annulment. The timespan between my filing for the annulment and it being granted by the judge was over a year because my husband wouldn't not receive and sign for the paperwork. I did get some legal counsel and they told me that the moment my husband left me and stopped living with me that that started a timespan of being separated, which was in my favor. He was a few states away and I couldn't just go and personally give the papers to him. In the meanwhile I did not wait for my marriage to be officially over before I started dating other men. I did not ask anyone if I should not see these other men, it was no one's business but mine. Sometimes it's good to be discreet, even on a message board.
Josie
I think this needs to be addressed...
Interesting contradiction...good catch, jws
OK, what kind of B.S. is this post anyway?
Here's some comments from mtsgrad's post a few days ago:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/168937/1.ashx
Is it possible to truly love your hubby, wife, partner, lover etc and still have an affair? Just curiousAs many of you will know I just married Mary recently and love her more than life itself. But I travel a lot and that does bring certain opportunities. I have not done anything yet but who knows?And then mtsgrad said at the top of this post:
I am extremely close to having an affair. Let me give you some details. Been married for 8 years Not had any relations for 7 Faded 3 years ago. In middle of getting divorced Please give me a reason not to have an affair. I will give serious consideration to all posts. Thanks mtsgradWell, which is it? Did you just get married recently and love your wife more than life itself or have you been married for 8 years in a sexless marriage and about to be divorced.
Sybil?
As many of you will know I just married Mary recently and love her more than life itself. But I travel a lot and that does bring certain opportunities. I have not done anything yet but who knows?
Looks like a dupe, smells like a dupe, is a .... ?
Paul
