Give me a reason not to have an affair/one night stand (page 8)

oompa

mtsgrad: A one night stand after 7 yrs seems kinda reasonable to me.

Actually that sounds like one of the most UN-reasonable things I have ever heard of...now, a one night stand after seven months of no poontang sounds reasonable...but what is more unreasonable is that you refer to a single night of poontang as an affair! How after 7 years of this awful excuse for a marriage have you not found at least ONE woman that you have wanted a RELATIONSHIP with, at least an emotional relationship?.....at least some sort of REAL AFFAIR?!?!?....MY GOD you have FAR more patience than Job, or have little interest in sex, or have little interest in having a real relationship with a decent woman, or have somehow found inner contentment in something. THEY ARE OUT THERE! Sorry man... i have many frustrations in my marriage too, and that is probably showing now, but this is just over the top

I just carefully read four pages of posts....because I have had to ask myself the exact same question. My marriage is nothing like it was...me now awakened and my wife still a hardcore JW, and me in SOLO marriage counseling! This is just NOT what a marriage is supposed to be...but not nearly as uncomfortable as yours. MY GOD MAN!....at this point in your NON-MARRIAGE you can do ANY DAMM THING YOU WANT!...You are not breaking any marriage vow because you have been living in a sham of a NON-MARRIAGE for seven years!! (i would not show disrespect to marriage and call yours a real marriage).....and don't worry about money, especially if she will never know, but it would probably not matter anyway as most courts demand a 50-50 split........sorry if this sounds loud or emotional....but that is exactly what it is my friend....from the the heart though..........oompa

mtsgrad

Mr oompa

You really scared me. I thought I was not patient enough! My abusive upbringing had an awful lot to do with me putting up with this uncomfortable situation. Up til last year my logic was; even if the marriage is not perfect I made a promise and will keep my end of the bargain. Now I realise that my thinking was close to abnormal, hence the divorce and possible one night stand. If I could get the divorce in a week I would be happy to wait a few days. As it the proceedings are just starting I am estimating it may take nearer 6 months.

Now it is time to think about me, me and me!

Cheers oompa

mtsgrad

oompa

I would not fault you for the one night stand or the ten night stand either mts.....but it is time you start thinking about finding someone as.....incredible as you. As a hopeless romantic, I would rather you have developed a little office flirting thing....that blossoms into more.........anyway....thanks for not getting mad at me..............oomps

jws

I think you might as well go ahead with it now. You've been announcing it in several posts here. Do you think this stuff is so secret? These posts are going to be around for a while.

I know what breaking up can be. You want to go out and prove yourself. You want a little of what you're missing. You go out, you have your rebound "affair".

Many rebound affairs aren't very healthy things. Sometimes you wind up using the other person who might be starting to get feelings for you and sympathy for your situation. She might get hurt. Or, on the other side of the coin, sometimes you get stuck on the next person to come along when you really need to get out there and experience life on your own and not jump from one long term relationship into another.

I do know you might be feeling like "Ha! You wouldn't give it to me, I went out and got it for myself". And if the divorce gets heated, you may get into an argument and throw out the affair to try to make her mad.

I really don't know your situation. Maybe legally you don't have anything to lose. I don't know if you ever answered whether you had children or not.

If you do have children, custody could be affected by your behavior. Not to mention that your kids might have to live with knowing that their father cheated on their mother. You know that when your kids are with their mother, her version of things will be that you cheated on her, no matter how over the marriage is now. And in her mind, that's what makes the divorce valid. The divorce, if she finds out about the affair, will be all about the cheating.

If she does find out, it gives her the satisfaction of knowing her divorce is legal in JW terms and allows her to remarry. Why give her that?

It's all about whether she finds out. And if you're not divorced yet and you're still having to face each other, the chances of her finding out increase. After the divorce is final, you'll stop being in contact and stop thinking about each other as much.

And then you can let her suffer. I'm sure there'll be some guy on her mind some day. But if she doesn't have evidence you've cheated, she won't be able to get too involved. If it's feasible, move to a different town and disappear. Best would be to not even let her know you remarry if you ever do.

oompa

MTS...can you pleae give us a little insight as to how this 7 year itch developed?...or can you refer me to an earlier thread about it?....i just gotta know!.........oompa

lola28

Oh, so you reply to everyone but me? I'm hurt *tear*

Lola

Mary

I am extremely close to having an affair. Let me give you some details.

Why you sly rotten bastard! We just got married the other day and now you wanna have an affair??!!

Seriously though.....It's hard to say what you should do. I have no ideas if the laws in England factor in 'adultery' into divorce proceedings anymore. Given your situation, if you met someone else, I'd hardly call it an 'affair' since your marriage is, for all intents and purposes, over.

mtsgrad

Lovely Lola28

My apologies for not answering. This the volume and quality of fantastic posts has taken my breath away.

Your comments at face value have merit. If my situation was just about physical relations it would be tuff. However, there is much more to it. In another post in the adult section a poster really helped me when they said "it has nothing to do with sex, she has rejected you". My wife is so unhelpful she will not even pick up the post (my wife refuses to work). Last week my next door neighbours post was in my home for about a week. My wife wakes up late everyday, watches TV eats and does her Theocratic stuff. Other posters have suggested a chat with the elders but they have no place in my life. Divorce is the only way for me to move on with my life. I did give her the Theocratic life she wanted. When courting she helped me so much with my responsibilities. Immediately after marriage she moaned when I had a privilege. I am by no means a great husband but can only put up with so much.

Look at things from her perpective? I have and I want out. 7 yrs of no relations and you feel I owe her? I have to disagree.

Cheers Lola

mtsgrad

I know it might sound silly, the whole honorable part but I don’t think it is. When you marry someone you make a promise to stick by them thru everything, right? Yeah you got a raw deal but I think your wife probably thinks she got screwed too. Can you put yourself in her position for just one second? She thought she had married someone who shared her religious beliefs, who would be the head of her house and support her “spiritual” pursuits and suddenly this person, her life partner, his whole goals change and she can’t deal with it. I would be devastated if I found myself in her position, you my dear didn’t marry a cafeteria catholic, you married someone whose life is shaped, controlled and manipulated by a religion and you knew what would happen when you decided to fade, how did you expect her to react?

Your wife has been leading the life she expected to live, you are the one that changed and radically so. I would advise you to not do something which you might later regret, at least when you are divorced you don’t owe anything to anyone, but while you are married that’s a different story.

minimus

just do it.

mtsgrad

Oompa

How did this 7 year period develop?

In short I am a complete idiot who did not care enough about myself to demand more. I reasoned that the first 2 yrs of marriage are tuff. Went into self denial and lots of period of anger and depression. Because my family is crap I had nobody to turn to. How do you go to another witness and tell them this prblem, Maybe i was too proud. Maybe I am a complete pig who deserves this crap. After all one poster said what goes aroound comes around.

I think armageddon may begin when I break my 7 yr itch!

mtsgrad

Give me a reason not to have an affair/one night stand

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