Has your " Self Esteem " Improved After Leaving Jehovah's Witnesses ?

by flipper 50 Replies latest jw friends

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  flipper

  It seems to be an issue that some have after leaving the witness cult because none of us were ever made to feel we were " good " enough or "valued " enough for what we were trying to accomplish in the cult. Growing up I had pounded into my head by my JW elder father what Jesus said, " After doing all things remember you are good for nothing slaves , what we have done is what we OUGHT to have done. " Then I thought to myself - " Where's the joy in THAT ? Do I ever get commended here for doing something these people consider good ? " It was like , " Throw me a freaking bone here people ! "

  And then my concern grew even more about the lack of self esteem in witnesses when after being out 4 years myself - I had coffee with my 21 year old regular pioneer daughter last spring. And a comment she made caused me to shiver to the bone . We were talking about the worthof human life and value of people. Then she stated, " You know Dad , none of us deserve to live - we all deserve to DIE ! " My heart just dropped into my stomach ! She continued, " It's only a free gift that we have a chance of life - because we inherited sin from Adam and Eve. Only by Jesus sacrifice are we worthy to have life ! " Then I told her , " Sweetie, God doesn't want us to die. He loves all humans , and we deserve to live !He wants us to be happy . " So seeing how Mind controlled my daughter is in this and her lack of " self esteem " made me even more committed to help people leaving the witnesses to feel good about themselves.

  This witness cult does SO MUCH damage to people's mental and emotional state. I have enjoyed more authentic friendships being out of the witnesses and have accomplished more in feeling " good " about myself than any time I was ever in the witnesses ! I have found that you and I can accomplish a lot of good when our motives are pure to help people think freely , clearly, and exercise free will. My personal " self esteem " has improved greatly. Just remember my friends - all of us have come a long way in getting out of a mind control cult. Yes, we have some emotional and mental baggage from the pain inflicted by the WT society - but it doesn't always have to be that way ! You are all good people here and have a lot of great experience which can assist you to help others to avoid getting trapped like we were at one time. I value all your takes and experiences. Keep on moving towards the positives after the witnesses - and eliminate the negatives they brought on us. Hang in there friends ! Life is good and wonderful. It will be what you and I make it from here on out ! As always I look forward to hearing what you experienced about self esteem - and how you have done things to feel good about yourself again ! Let's give each other ideas ! Take care, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  CHILD

  Good observations, flipper.

  I am almost finished earning my masters degree i nursing. Like you, my mom (non-JW) and I noticed my daughter had low self esteem. I encouraged my daughter to attend college, meet new people and travel. She has grown emotionally in the past two years.

  In addition, since leaving my marriage is stronger.
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  passwordprotected

  I think for Christians it's important to recognise that we're sinner and deserve to die. But where our self-esteem gets a shot in the arm is when you realise that God loves us so much that His Son died for us. Therefore, we've got God's love on our side.

  My self-esteem has improved immeasurably since leaving the WTS. I never thought I was good enough.
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  minimus

  My self esteem's always been pretty good.
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  leftbelow

  I have spent the entire morning thinking about this (before I read this thread). I have been fading for about 4 years and I am so lost right now. I can't say I ever felt good enough as a witness but now I just feel nothing. The only thing I seem to be able to muster is sadness over things I have lost but I have found no identity. And I think my lack of self esteem is because I haven't moved on but with many family members still in I have to be careful. Regardless I look forward to reading other peoples experiences.

  I don't think I could have made it without the help from people on this board. I don't post very often but I read all the time. I look forward to hearing how others have moved on. Hopefully I can find some suggestions. Thanks to you all!!!
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  no more kool aid

  Leftbelow, I don't know what you do for a living. But I used to see my job as an annoyance that made me too tired for service and meetings. When I started checking out and went back to school (same business, but now have a degree) I have a new found pride in my career. Same thing for my husband. Are you married? My husband have more time for each other. Who had time for a late night date when you had to be up at 730a on the weekends? We are more into the kid's activities like sports and academics. We have more time for projects around the house ( pride in where I live ). I go to a gym every night after work, makes me feel great about myself. Life has just improved in every way, but it took some hard work. I hope this helps a little. And you are right reading other stories really helps a lot. Good luck.
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  Alpaca

  Great topic, Mr. Flipper. Actually, this is probably the single most important topic for all of us...whether we are "still-in," fading, on-the-way-out, or already out.

  After all, self-esteem is the starting place for everything we do as humans. Without self esteem you can't really begin to talk about anything else. For a person to realize that they have value and that their thoughts and participation in our society matter just because they are here (and not because of the "group") is HUGE!!!

  There is no question that the BORG's insidious control of members hinges on tying any possible feelings of self worth to how much a person is doing in Dub related activities. And of course, we know it is never, ever, EVER enough. I used to work my ass off as a publisher, M.S. and Elder, while trying to maintain a decent standard of living, and I always felt deficient.

  Once the BORG traps a person into thinking that all (and the only) self esteem possible emanates from one's identity as a Witness, its like the classic control technique where the elephant can be tetherd with a flimsy, little piece of twine. All they have to do is tug the twine a little and you can't think about anything beyond the radius the allowed by the tether.

  When the tether is severed it may be confusing for a once-enslaved person to realize that there is a rewarding life beyond and that inputs to building self esteem are virtually limitless. It just takes some time to engage the world outside of the BORG to find that others will value what we have to offer. I was not a born-in Dub (pretty close), so I can't even imagine how difficult it must be for lifers to begin building their self esteem outside of the BORG. Nevertheless, a large part of the challenge must be satisfied with the mere knowledge that self esteem outside of the BORG is possible and, in fact, can richly exceed anything possible as a Dub.

  For me, going back to school started me down the path and my self esteem continues to grow all the time. Sometimes it still amazes me that I am sought out for advice and observations because I have something valuable to offer others.
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  CHILD

  I like your response, no more kool aid.

  left below, were you raised as a JW? Have you considered returning to school or prsuing a hobby? It seems as if fading has affected your emotional health.
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  leftbelow

  Thanks for all the concern and the ideas. I was raised as a JW and 3rd Gen at that. My job is really doing great and I could and in fact would love to go to school but time my job (I travel a lot) take makes it very difficult and I make fairly good money. My biggest concern is I don't feel any connection to anyone anymore except my brother.

  It may just be the normal process but the only emotion I feel anymore is sadness over the loss of my friend's and my wife and I have had miscarriages which has created a distance in our relationship that I can't seem to fix. So now I just feel alone and with the exception of my brother (who also has left the JW's) all my family is wrapped up in something I can't believe in and of course my freind's no longer talk to me because I don't go to meeting's. I guess I should be glad for my brother he has been great. I just don't feel the full freedom that I hear a lot of you have because I still have to keep up some appearances for family. I am just whining. But it does feel better to vent a little.
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  White Dove

  Believing that they are sinners and deserve to die takes the wind out of people's sails. The "sin" belief is a tool for control and nothing else. Drop that belief and you will feel so much better about yourself.