If the government hasn't executed you yet for how you live and what you do, then why should a so called loving god?
Has your " Self Esteem " Improved After Leaving Jehovah's Witnesses ?
by flipper 50 Replies latest jw friends
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caliber
I think self-esteem for the most part is an on going problem as we try to adjust to our new world
out there after leaving behind cherished beliefs . The following quote helps us see the source of our self-esteem
We all have a mental picture of who we are, how we look, what we're good at, and what our weaknesses might be. We develop this picture over time, starting when we're very young kids. The term self-image is used to refer to a person's mental picture of himself or herself. A lot of our self-image is based on interactions we have with other people and our life experiences. This mental picture (our self-image) contributes to our self-esteem.
Self-esteem is all about how much we feel valued, loved, accepted, and thought well of by others — and how much we value, love, and accept ourselves. People with healthy self-esteem are able to feel good about themselves, appreciate their own worth, and take pride in their abilities, skills, and accomplishments. People with low self-esteem may feel as if no one will like them or accept them or that they can't do well in anything
So you see the nature of the WT. system where you are constantly "under watch " with performance within the WT as the bench mark
for who you are and how you are doing . The sacrifice of all personal goals and skills for the "kingdoms sake "
In postponing are goals we also postpone our self-image or self esteem development !..... guilt replaces pride
The first step to overcoming or at least minimizing the effect for lack of self-esteem is to understand its source
encompasses beliefs (for example, "I am competent/incompetent")
(only one way...one true path)
emotions (for example, triumph/despair, pride/shame). Behavior may reflect self-esteem (for example
(personal pride is replaced by organizational pride )
Behavior may reflect self-esteem (for example, assertiveness/timorousness, confidence/caution (dress, speak ,actions , income all controlled )
Actually self-esteem is tie in very closely to SElf-REALIZATION
self-actualization according to Maslow simply as "the full realization of one's potential"
They embrace reality and facts rather than denying truth. They are spontaneous. They are interested in solving problems. They are accepting of themselves and others and lack prejudice.
psychological development that can be achieved when all basic and meta needs are fulfilled and the "actualization" of the full personal potential takes place
Is not this most of the problem with ex-JW's .... we didn't embrace reality... we could be truly spontaneous for fear of being selfish
rebellious ..... where are individual goals and skills were to be postponed to their full potential in" the new system"
Caliber
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flipper
CHILD- I'm glad you are getting your Masters degree and I hope your daughter continues to benefit from your close attention to building her self esteem ! Good job mom !
PASSWORD PROTECTED- I'm glad your self esteem has improved since leaving the WT organization. Christian's might need to feel God's love , very true- however I think that Christians also need to build inner self esteem within themselves - even with or without God's help.
MINIMUS- I too have always had a decent amount of self esteem ; even when I was a witness - as I was and am an independent thinker. But my self esteem keeps growing the further I get away from the organization !
LEFTBELOW- I'm sorry it has been a rough go for you friend. I had some witness friends who I don't see anymore either . One thing that helped me was staying busy with newfound hobbies after getting out of the witnesses. What do you enjoy doing ? I tried golf, enjoy going to antique stores, collecting antique art, collecting and listening to music CD's , hiking in the mountains, tennis, fishing , reading books on " cult mind control" ( which really helped me understand what the witnesses did to me ) , met a new prospective wife on E-harmony.com ( married over 2 years now ) , made new friends on these boards - and generally got actively involved with life ! No more meetings - so I had more time available ! So- hope that gives you a couple things to consider. Hang in there buddy- it does get better. If you ever want to talk - just PM me. Take care.
NO MORE KOOL AID- I'm always telling my wife - I just love our Saturday mornings ! Instead of having to go out in service , my wife and I stay busy with more loving activities ! It truly is empowering and freeing.
ALPACA- Very true that self esteem is a huge issue to us ; especially since it was stripped away of sorts by the mind controlled witness organization. It is hard for many exiting the cult to look outside the " witness tunnel vision box " so to speak to see there is a beautiful life and world just waiting for them to explore ! I too feel like I'm growing all the time in knowledge since leaving the witnesses 5 years ago. It's a great feeling ! I'm glad you have attained your college degree as well and have advanced yourself ! Good job !
WHITE DOVE - I agree with you. If we all dropped the idea of sin - we'd be a lot better off ! You are right- the government hasn't arrested us yet - why would God ? If he even exists ?
CALIBER- I agree with you. Good points. I think the fact that as witnesses we were trained to only exult or be proud of " group " accomplishments took a lot of self esteem out of us ! Or made people look at ONLY group accomplishments - not what they themselves did. Also- I like your point of witnesses not " embracing reality " which I feel led many as witnesses to not live in the " here " and " now " and made them believe in a fictitious future always reaching out for the carrot dangled in front of their futuristic noses ! Always wanting ; but never getting fulfilled ! Tragic
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mostlydead
Self esteem not perfect, but much improved! Not without effort though. It's interesting how many of us have gone back to school when possible after leaving. Besides the opportunity to better one's financial situation, I think the really important thing about school is that it's stimulating and gets you interested in life again. When you're in the organization, your thought processes get so extremely narrow and confined. Why even bother being interested in your own life or what you're capable of or maybe even good at because all that should wait til the new system. That seems now to me like such an incredibly wasteful and ungrateful way to live, as if the day we're in at present is somehow worthless. Realizing that each day is precious and giving yourself permission to enjoy life right now is a very freeing experience.
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truthsetsonefree
" After doing all things remember you are good for nothing slaves , what we have done is what we OUGHT to have done. "
That is one of the statements that makes me wonder about the Bible. I could never really stomach that one. I've never been particularly lacking in self-esteem, but definitely confidence, simply because of the training to follow that I received as a JW. Now my confidence is slowly being built. I try to savor each success, even the small ones. It really helps.
Isaac
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shamus100
Yes, just a tad. (sarcasm)
Dubs love people with low self-esteem. I think that's the hardest thing to change in your new life. Work on it every day. Don't be an ass and stand in front of the mirror and say that you love yourself... I'll come over to your house and slap you. No affirmations!
But in all seriousness, you do have to work on it every day. If you want to change, be prepared to work for it. And it's WORTH IT!
Don't stop fighting that learned behavior.
(I'm good enough... I"m smart enough... and dog gone it, people like me!)
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flipper
MOSTLY DEAD - So very true what you say. The witnesses keep their people so occupied with meetings, service, etc. that none of the day to day joys they can experience in life are ever experienced ! Because as you say - they are waiting for what they call the " real life " in the paradise. Last time I checked the life I'm living right now seems as real as it's gonna get ! LOL!
TRUTHSETSONEFREE- It's really good your confidence is building as time goes on. It really helps that you had self esteem in the first place - so that will enable your confidence to build more easily. People like you and I are lucky we have self esteem - so many of our friends exiting the witness cult did not. And they need encouragement to see that they have a lot to offer after exiting the cult as well !
SHAMUS 100- You are right it does require a " fight " to overcome the learned behavior from the witnesses making us feel badly towards ourselves and have low self esteem. But you are right , it can be accomplished with time and effort every day - changing our thought p[atterns into positive here and now thinking
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leftbelow
First I want to thank Flipper for this thread. This was a tough week and I really enjoyed reading everyones thoughts.
And second Caliber that post really helped me.
But thanks to all of you. I just don't feel like I fit in anywhere but its nice to have this place where people have similar experiences. It helps and I am glad you guys are here....
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flipper
LEFTBELOW- You are more than welcome my friend. We all have something in common with you - we were all duped by a " mind control cult " and we all understand it takes effort, understanding , and compassion for each other to pull through to the other side - that is life after the JW cult experience. We are here for you friend, remember. Take care, I'm PMing you
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