Boot camp doesn't sound like the right thing in this situation. He may be an alcoholic and yelling at a kid and 500 pushups isn't going to treat it. He needs to know he is loved and supported and the divorce is not his fault. Does he have a reason to live? He might not think so.
How Would You Handle A Teen Who's A Pothead & Drunk In Your Home?
by minimus 65 Replies latest jw friends
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minimus
That's better. Why is boot camp not a good option? He says being high makes him feel better (of course) and feels he can think better (of course).
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undercover
Don't mollycoddle him. Her house, her rules. (Where's the father? Can he help in some way?) Anything less is enabling him to continue to act in the way he wants.
If he doesn't want to abide, let the police intervene. Have him arrested for possession (and maybe intent to distribute since he always seems to have an inccome without a job).
If a scare in the juvey system doesn't help, just keep the cops and juvenile system involved. By the time he's 16, he'll have a record and if he doesn't straigten up, he'll end up doing real time. By the time he's 18 if the system hasn't worked, write him off as so much refuse and move on with your life.
It sounds harsh, especially with family, but there comes a time when you can't make someone do right or be of use to society. Why kill yourself trying to protect them or convince them when they obviously have no regard for family or trust? Do what you can, set a limit and if it doesn't work, cut your losses and move on.
In the meantime though, there will be sleepless nights and time spent in court or bailing him out...but it's necessary to let him learn what happens when you have to pay for your actions and no one is there to fix things for you.
Support him where you can, helping him in school or kicking a habit but do not let him get away with anything illegal or harmful. Firm rules with harsh penalties for breaking them.
It's easy to say all this, especially when it's not my family or situation, but I have family who have all gone down this road. The one thing I've seen parents and other family members make over and over again is to make excuses for the behavior, to try to lessen the penalties of their wrong action and to pussyfoot around when it comes to trying to deal with anti-social behavior. In effect, parents become enablers to this behavior when they seek to lessen the severity of punishment from the courts or don't set their own limits and rules with punishment for failure to abide.
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purplesofa
Seriously, my youngest son gave me hell, well so did my daughter and oldest son.
But with my youngest, I as very patient with him, loved him, did not condone his behaviour.
I always feel like kids that rebel and do this need lots of love, support and encouragement.
He had lost all trust in authority, his parents and the system. I wanted to rebuild his faith in humans. It was difficult many many times.
I did not get angry. I think in order for parents to make it through these things is they cannot take the behaviour personally.
He got very violent one night while one drugs and I was crushed, I thought he is never going to grow out of this.
I think that night was a turning point for him.
He got in trouble and had to to community service. He worked for the parks in our area.
He then got a summer job working for the parks. Slowly, he was able to start saving money. In order to work
for the city he had to pass drug tests.
He got to where he did not like being unemployed.
Anyway, he got hired on with the city Water Department reading meters and has just been promoted to
Inventory Control. He orders all the part and takes parts to the various sites that need them in emergencies. He is 24 now.
Has his own apt and car that he saved money and payed cash for.
Off drugs and drinking. A health nut now.
Some kids go through a phase, some make it a way of life.
Some are driven to finally succeed, and will make the best of all the bad choices they made and
crappy things that happened in their life.
When everyone else thought my son would be a loser and gave up on him, I kept supporting him, that's what moms do.
It's a shitty job, but the rewards can be awesome.
purps
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minimus
He's already been arrested for graffitti and buying pot at school. Already on probation. He's always being suspended from school.
Whatever his problems, he is destructive. Punches holes in walls, vandalized cars and threatens to hit people.
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minimus
Purple, what exactly was the turning point? Your disappointment?
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purplesofa
He needs therapy, can the mom get him in therapy?
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minimus
He refuses to go. And he runs away from home whenever he's made to do anything.
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OUTLAW
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"He is very rebellious and has no job yet always has his booze and pot."..............He`s getting money from somewhere.....Or..He`s stealing his mom`s Booze and Pot!..LOL!!.....................I`m with Purps,send him to Dads..
...OUTLAW -
White Dove
Getting him the right kind of help is not molly coddling. Bootcamp would probably not treat his depression, instill a respect for authority, or anything else. I believe that he needs to face those people that he hurt, be forced to get a job, and learn some self-respect through a series of accomplishments and successes. Bootcamp is just bullying. It may work for some but certainly there are exceptions. I'm with Purps on this one.
...OUTLAW