How Would You Handle A Teen Who's A Pothead & Drunk In Your Home? (page 4)

DJK

He needs tough love and the mom needs a brief vacation. Send him to boot camp!! (A second and third time if needed.)

Purps, he's been in that class before. The kid's got major issues. The mom really has no drive to get him sustained help. He exhausts her and she even makes excuses for him because SHE can't adequately deal with the situation.

purplesofa

He needs an ass whippin.

I'm with DJK. Mom needs a vacation and the kid needs to be somewhere with intense supervision and therapy.

Mom probably needs some therapy too, if nothing else for support.

Where the best place is I don't know. Somewhere where he learns some humility and respect.

I would be chekcing into all those kinds of resources if I were Mom, before she gets so totally drug down herself,

that what he does starts to seem ok, from sheer exhaustion.

In my situation Dad's influence would not have helped, but maybe this kid needs Dad.

purps

undercover

The mom really has no drive to get him sustained help. He exhausts her and she even makes excuses for him because SHE can't adequately deal with the situation.

I've seen this in my extended family. The parents are either in denial or don't want to deal with it. They make excuses and it only gets worse. And then they wonder what they did wrong and then bug everyone in the family about helping.

Until one or both of the parents steps up and takes control, there's not much anyone else anyone can do, short of taking him in themselves and having parental authority to do what's necessary. If the parents refuse to deal with it, then I step back out of the situation. It's not my child. I can offer some help, but I am not taking on someone else's responsibility. The parents won't help themselves and their lack of responsibility toward the wayward child means that nothing I do or say is going to convince them. At that point, I'm wasting my breath. They're on their own.

minimus

Purps and UC, I agree.

purplesofa

The mom would do well to read as much as she can about people in similar circumstances.

How they handled it, what help is out there, what is FREE, etc etc.

It might help her to get on top of things,

Sometimes when you don't think you can go on with things any longer,

you find that you can.

purps

minimus

I suggested to the mom that SHE get help so as to know how to handle things with her son. She wasn't keen on it.

purplesofa

There is alot of embarrassment and shame tied up with what she is dealing with.

If she won't get help, how does she expect her son, a minor child to do it?

purps

Scarred for life

I've been there also with my older daughter when she was 15. Purps and Undercover are giving great advice. It's a whole family problem. Mom needs counseling even if her 15 year old refuses to go. My child refused also.

The #1 question I have is where is he getting the money to buy booze and drugs. There has to be a source and that has to be cut off. The police may have to be called and get involved.

There has to be consequences to the choices that he is making. It is very easy to become an enabler.

I sympathize. This period was the closest to hell I've come in my life. It was even worse than being a JW!

minimus

The latest: the mom called his father to see what insurance coverage might be available for their son for treatment. He has not gotten back to her. Meanwhile he was out with his friends the entire day and night doing who knows what. As far as I'm concerned, if the mom won't take major action to do SOMETHING, it's all just a waste of time.

How Would You Handle A Teen Who's A Pothead & Drunk In Your Home?

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