Who here has just let the JW stuff go?. I NEED HELP GUYS!!!!!!!................. (page 2)

leavingwt

You're triggering her cult personality when you speak doctrine.

If your goal is empowering her to think for herself, you must avoid cult doctrine at all costs.

When I first left I would point out all the problems with the Wt to my wife thinking that once she seen them she would come around. It never happened. At some point you have to both agree to disagree, not talk about it that often and allow each other to have their own beliefs. It should be obvious to both parties that you can't force someone to believe something and that they should respect the other persons rights. If you can both do that you can have relatively happy marriage. If one of the people in the relationship refuses do this then there isn't much hope.

The best way to get over the WT is develope other interests that you couldn't do as a JW. Take a Karate class or take up Yoga. Join a gym. Join a sports team. Join the Sierra Club or get involved in your community in some other way.

It isn't easy to work out but it can be done.

Good Luck

oompa

A&W: Nothing in common. I wanted to get outside and hike and enjoy nature. He wanted to sit in front of the TV.

Holy crap we are peas in a pod as i am a nature lover, and we have only a couple of things in common......the biggie was the troof. We did have a great marriage though, and she is great gal, though a high class city slicker and high maintenance....she is not social and i pretty much "complete her!"........as awful as that phrase is............oompa

OnTheWayOut

I know I cannot focus on the positive things about the WT and keep my mouth shut, but each person must decide on their own. Some won't even fade away quietly as I have done. It doesn't work for some- all will have to decide what to do. You must choose your path.

My problem with living the lie is that the religion typically is not content for you to sit quietly through the meeting and that's it. They keep wanting more and more of you. So your very presence to try to skate by will remind them to start demanding more and more from you.

"Brother Oompa, it would be nice if you commented at the Watchtower. If you would just get some field service in, we would be able to use you for privileges. Why aren't you on the school?"

BUT, if you can suffer through the BS and not get pulled in more, it is a valid reason to suffer. Doing it for those you care about.

dinah

Oomps, it take quite awhile for some of us to get over the anger part. For the better part of 2 years I was furious. Once I let that go, I felt better. Your circimstances are VERY different from mine though. My husband is agnostic, never been religious at all.

If it ends up costing you your marriage, get you a dam# good lawyer and fight for your assets. The religion wedged between you and your wife and alienated her affection. Fight it out, if you have too.

jws

Not wanting to support the JW teachings, but... Romans 5:12:

Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned

It's probably agreed by anybody that believes the fairy tales that Adam and Eve first sinned. So, put this together. He died because he sinned. If he hadn't sinned, would he have died? And is this technically correct? Wasn't Eve the first one to eat of the forbidden fruit, not the man Adam?

Sorry to hear how badly it's going with your wife. Your questioning will make her run in the opposite direction as a reaction. It will reafirm her beliefs that she has the right religion because she is being persecuted. You obviously care a lot for her and are trying to help her.

Obviously religion is a big part of her life. Most of us were JWs and we understand the brainwashing in that regard. On the other hand, is getting her out as important to you as she is to you? Can you compromise and leave her to her religion to save your marriage? And would living in that arrangement be OK for you? Because obviously things will be different in how she treats you, what you do together, etc.

Maybe at some point, she will see the light. We don't all come to this at the same time. And those who recently left, I feel, have a lot of anger. They don't like that they were lied to and fell for it. They want to get everybody out of it, share what they've learned. But it takes time. There was probably a time when confronted on your religion, you would have reacted defensively too. And too, I think you will calm down with your need to share eventually. Although I can't speak from experience because I didn't live with JWs when I left.

The way I see it, you have two choices. Leave her be and let her discover (or not discover) the truth eventually. Or, get the seperation/divorce.

I used to hate to see divorce because of the way I was raised. But now I can see that sometimes two people can no longer live as they once could. There's no chance to get that love back. At that time, it's best for both to split.

I don't know what the situation is with kids and family. Have you talked with them? Are they receptive to what you've learned?

I'm wishing the best for you.

Quirky1

I hope you the best in your endeavor Oompa. It is not easy wearing those shoes. I have no advice to offer since I am in the same boat.

LockedChaos

Oompa

Religion has destroyed...........

Families

Relationships

Individuals

Friendships

Pets

Farm Animals

from the beginning

Direct doctrinal engagement

will only kick in the cult mindset

I think the assesment of yourself

is correct (depression, dissonance,

booze, etc.)

Think before you speak!!!

Reconcile your own cult personality

before attempting to cure some other person

Do not be confrontational. IT WON'T WORK!!!

Hang in there

Can only speak for myself but

I'm pulling for you and wish you only

the best of luck

jeeprube

I feel for you! My wife and I used to argue about it to no end. She once told me the only reason she'd ever leave me is if I became an apostate. Well I did, and she didn't. I got lucky, I convinced her to read CoC; and the rest was history.

I wish I had some good advice for you but I don't.

Start living your life for you. Focus on becoming the best man you can become. If you love the outdoors, then go enjoy the outdoors. If you allow your disgust for the JW's to turn you bitter and mean spirited you're only feeding her cult mindset. Remember we apostates are supposed to me "mean and evil."

You have to find some way to rise above it, find a way to detach. Find some peace man, you deserve it! Have you sat down and meditated on your life without your wife? I've been separated from my wife, it sucks hardcore but you can do it!

Lady Lee

It is interesting that she says her faith is stronger now that you aren't taking the lead.

I suspect she may have been heavily pushed into seeing you as a persecutor and she is "keeping the failth". You have become what the WTS warns against and by doing so she now sees you as the enemy.

It's going to be hard but clamp down and stay quiet. Stop trying to convoince her. It will only make her dig her heels in further. You've planted the seeds. Now step back and see it any of it takes root.

If you need to vent post it here or better yet keep a journal where she will NEVER find it. You don't want the elders to get hold of it.

If you have any hope of saving the marriage and your relationship with your family you have to stop talking to them.

I wish the best for you because it isn't going to be easy

Lee

Who here has just let the JW stuff go?. I NEED HELP GUYS!!!!!!!.................