oompa you've realised yourself that you have an obsession. I don't know what the treatment is but a professional person must know. Keep looking.
best wishes to you
ql
Who here has just let the JW stuff go?. I NEED HELP GUYS!!!!!!!.................
by oompa 60 Replies latest jw friends
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moshe
The elders and everyone will rally round your wife and she is probably liking the attention, so she will continue to be a Loyal JW, until such time as it no longer gives her an emotional kick. I speak from experience. After my JW wife did everything she thought she was supposed to do and made the ultimate sacrifice to cleanse her life of the apostate husband in her midst she was surprised to find out they all dropped her like a hot potato. Nobody wanted anything to do with her. good luck.
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Mandette
Oompa..
There are many words of wisdom in these posts. I would never presume to tell you what to do. I can only relate my own experience. Granted it's not in a marriage BUT it has to do with my parents.
I love my parents more than anyone in the world. I'm especially close with my Dad. I would do ANYTHING for him. But I can't pretend and stay in the JW's even though that's what he wants me to do. About 2 yrs ago, I started crying and told him that I love him more than anyone or anything but that I can't do the religion for him. He told me that he wouldn't want me to do it for the wrong reasons.
Maybe taking that tactic with your wife could help? Tell her how much you love her but that you can't pretend to be someone you're not. Just a thought.
Many many hugs to you Oompa!!!
Mandette
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Jomavrick
Oompa,
It is part of the psychological effects of the religion. It is difficult of members of a cult to aknowledge that everything they had been taught and previously accepted was based on an illusion and are not true. My recommendation is to completely steer free of anything related to Witnessism altogether.
Once you become engaged by one of the hot button subjects of Witnessism, you will find an auto matic reflex that triggers the emotions all over again. I understand the struggle to break free. But please know from someone who has learned, there is a high level of peace and tranquility (more than I have ever experienced within the religion) of letting go and accepting the true facts associated with this life.
I rarely even ever look at this web site, (it seems so pointless to morass and rhuminate) but once in a great while I like to share my own experience with someone.
Enjoy the real life!
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purplesofa
oompa,
This is your own personal journey. You are the one changing.
This brings up memories of my changing to become a JW, and the choices I made and how my thoughts changed and the effects it had on my marriage and family. Imagine years of celebrating holidays and putting a halt to that. Imagine realizing that all my family was going to die at Armegeddon because they did not latch on to my newfound religion. The impact and turmoil, rippled to my immediate family, my parents, siblings, in-laws, etc etc. Generations of family were effected for the stand I made. I had to make the choice to lose my worldly friends as they were now bad association. My lifestyle had to change, there is not one facet of my life that was not affected from me learning how to live as a JW.
You can take the information and the changes you are making and decide that is NOW who you are. Be patient with who you are becoming, respect others for who they are and what they believe. Unfortunately with the added priveledge of learning the truth about the truth comes a responsiblity. I see you trying to do that. But you get reckless.
Many couples grow apart from each other in all religions for many reasons.
I think it would do you good to read about other people (not JW's) that have made it through tragedy and turmoil in their lives. Just to get another spin on it.
How would you handle business decisions in the midst of turmoil. Your life is your business.
Are you willing to pay the price for what you want. You are realizing the pricetag is very high.
Sometimes we find we write a check for which we cannot cover or scamble to cover the funds.
No one ever said this journey was going to be easy, did they? I imagine in many ways life has been pretty good for you up until now.
If you want the freedom you so much talk about, you have to let others have their freedom too.
These are the choices I have made, you can either come with me or get the hell out of my way.
Let the chips fall where they may and as they do.
Moving on may come with sacrifices. I don't necesarily mean moving on means leaving your marriage.
I think you are still very confused at what you really want.
Just my opinion, good luck
purps
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parakeet
Hi, oompa. I was going to offer some suggestions, but Lady Lee, lola28, and villabollo said everything I planned to say. Please reread their posts. I just want to emphasize that going to your doctor for help with your emotional turmoil may be the best thing you can do right now. Good luck.
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oompa
JWS: I don't know what the situation is with kids and family. Have you talked with them? Are they receptive to what you've learned?
Almost all my extend family is in as i am 4th generation. I have a very in young adult son, and one really out there df son a tad older. Even he wants me to shut up and just chill!......when he found out i was considering my marriage would not work....he totally exploded and said he would hate me forever!!.....if i got a divorce...(told she was a great lady).......so no......nobody has been at all receptive, but my dad has engaged me at length about things....very patient man....but he is tired of even good logical debates....he always loses but his faith will not waiver (where else would he go?...and "we are closer to the truth than anyone else")
LadyLee: You've planted the seeds.
well i tried, but none are really planted cause she is rock.....if one did hit the ground she watered it with JW Round-up right away.........oompa
and also...i feel your input helped me...all of it......leo is prob right......being here so much just feeds what i am feeling and i should take a big break....not saying i can quit cold turkey......but i just gotta let go of these issues........i have a great doc who got me off of five or six meds and down to one (see honey, i was NOT nuts).......interestingly......he feels it is pretty normal for me to be depressed and a bit obsessed over this and so did my therapist......life altering things like loosing your faith or religion when it was the dominant part of your life is a HUGE thing she said.....sometimes worse than death of a mate or child or divorce
my therapist/marriage counselor is great with dubs...has counseled many.......wife only went to first two sessions....she knew very early she could not find "middle ground" with me because she can make no concessions and she must do what WT demands....so no flexibility.....i swear i think i need yoga class and exercise.....and for sure lose the booze......just those two things could calm me down a bit and make me feel better......and if i can work on me a bit and stop fixating on these JW issues......then all in all i should be happier, healthier, and for sure make my wife feel a lot better........so there.....plan in place..........thanks all!................oomps
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BonaFide
I am sorry you are going thru such a hard time. What has been working for me is to outwardly state to everyone that I support the Society no matter what. Then I bring up all kinds of wrong teachings, history, blood issue. Everything is cool and allowed unless you say you doubt the Society.
BF
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Luo bou to
Your being rational Oompa with a woman controlled by fear.
I lost my wife due to what the psykes call cognative disonanse. From her personal experience living with me she knew that I was not an evil man yet the WT said I was, no leeway: you leave them you leave Jehovah you are evil. No one can live with 2 such conflicting thoughts for very long. She needs to feel secure with you and not threatened.
Empathy: Say things like you understand how she feels tune into her feelings reassure her that you will not try to undermine her faith Find things to say like you admire her determination to stick with it: that she works so hard etc The time may come when she starts to question the WT herself then again it may not. If it does and she trusts you. When she brings up some issue where she thinks the WT is wrong tread very lightly Say something like. "Oh is that right I wondered about that myself then leave it". Don't think you have an opening to hit her with everything you know. Let her be the one to take these steps. Let her ask the questions.
I'll tell you a story about me the rational man. When my son was born I visited my wife in hospital and there were flowers everwhere everyone bought her flowers. So I thought she doesn't need anymore flowers so I never boughr any. Afterwards she would often bring it up and I would reply but you didn't need any flowers Untill one day 2 years later when she was visiting a sister in another city I sent her flowers through Interflora with a note saying something like Thanks darling for giving me a lovely son I heard later that she and her friend burst out crying and said what a wonderfull husband I was: She had got her flowers. Yeh I was rational and just plane stupid.
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Lady Lee
OK oompa You have a plan
I was reading your response and it got me thinking to one of my uncles who has left. He drives even me crazy with his unrelenting criticisms of the WTS. One daughter and his wifde are out but his older daughter stays as far away from him as she can. This has resulted in an unnecessary split between her and her mother. It breaks my heart. But he can't shut up and is unaware of how damaging his behavior is - if he ever hoped to get her out.
You have your doctor and it sounds like a good therapist so you have plenty of space to discuss JW matters. Sometimes the stubbornest of seeds finds crack to grow in given enough time to to its own thing.
Try this. Make a promise to your wife that you will not discuss JW matters with her. If you start she can gently remind you of your promise. And you will stop. Practice makes perfect so you both might need some work on this one.
You can even make a game of $0.50 in a jar for every time iyou bring it (you pay) or she forgets to remind you. (she pays). When the jar is full enough you go out to the movies together. Its one way to take a negative experience and turn it into something positive and a lot less stressful.