Who here has just let the JW stuff go?. I NEED HELP GUYS!!!!!!!................. (page 6)

New light for you

Oommmmps,

You know we love you, and wish you the best. The other thing you have to think about is... Like we used to tell Lance, do you want to pull her out, kicking and screaming .. and THEN divorce her? Taking her out...BEFORE shes ready will leave her QUITE mad at you for ruining her life, taking her friends etc. I was VERY VERY angry at my husband when he "TOOK" me out. YES, he let me see 'the truth about the truth'... but at what price? there are many times i feel like i would rather have taken 'the blue pill' and been able to go back. Now, once I knew, i never went to another meeting, so then it just left me angry at him for taking everything i love away from me.

Just another point of view for you to ponder at 3AM. If its going to end, LET her be happy in her life.

You, of ALL people right now are very aware how much potential "time" we have left. Do you want to spend it tip-toeing around in turmoil? Or live your last years doing things you want to do before i have to take care of you in a nursing home? I dont see you as someone that really could live the next 5, 10 , 15years keeping your mouth SHUT and never expressing "bullshit". I dont see it for much longer honey. I'm sorry if thats not what you wanna hear. Sucks. But, make the suckage period short and least sucky for all involved.

oompa

worldtraveler: If you are at an age where you can easily start over, then you should. Plain and simple. If you are getting up there, then perhaps just continue on.....I go out with a long term friend almost every day for a long walk and we talk about the issues of the day.

knowing the age you can start over is hard for many reasons...even harder when your life has been so controlled and in such a compact environment....I almost fully believed your entire post until that yellow part up there.....like you Canadians could go for a walk every day!....sure ya hoser.....lol

Damocles: To your original question, this may not be the best site to ask about who has let the JW thing go. If we had entirely, we wouldn't be on this site would we?

Well actually...your name and the hair hanging the sword seems over me constantly seems to be taking its toll....however, this place does have MANY on the WAY to letting jw things go.....and many who have come back and just help....some regularly...so for some it can be a good place to visit.....me just a bit too much....

New lite: Like we used to tell Lance, do you want to pull her out, kicking and screaming .. and THEN divorce her? Taking her out...BEFORE shes ready will leave her QUITE mad at you for ruining her life, taking her friends etc. I was VERY VERY angry at my husband when he "TOOK" me out.

Well, sorry girl, but there ain't no takin her out before she is ready!......however, it has scared me that if i get her out.....we would still have so little in common that we would end up divorced.......THEN...she loses her social structure/life and she loses me too....both of which she cares way too much about.....

New lite: I dont see you as someone that really could live the next 5, 10 , 15years keeping your mouth SHUT and never expressing "bullshit". I dont see it for much longer honey. I'm sorry if thats not what you wanna hear. Sucks. But, make the suckage period short and least sucky for all involved.

Well NOW you get to learn something!...the staying power of OOMPA!...(and Not what you are probably hopin i have girl....cause i do have that!).....i am talking about the fact that i did not say "bullshit" about da troof from the age of 19 until 45!!!........i wanted to say it a lot!...but kept pretty quiet i guess...

anyway...you do make some great points and you do know me better than most here, but maybe i can find a way to just put a lock on it....put it in a little compartment all by its lonesome.....i get better at that every day......my wife adds some great parts to my life and i want to focus on them and find some more of them!.....and btw...you can go ahead and give me a trial sponge-bath nurse newlite!!.........oompa

New light for you

I got your spongebath right here baby! And dont worry, your wife will be right next to you reading the latest WT and Awake! YAY!

oompa

Sounds like a fair trade-off to me newlite!!...that is technically a threesome!....oomps

observador

Ooompa,

I wish I could sit down with you and discuss at some lenght how the non-confrotational approach works. Listen to what sir82 is saying, because there is good advice in there.

The bottom-line is that you have been so consumed with trying to get your wife out that you're bordering the irrational and she senses it. The harder you try, the more you validate in her mind all the org has been telling her for years.

The first thing you have to do to win her in the long run is... nothing.

Take a step back. Relax. Try to let go of the bitterness you rightfully feel after being misled by the religion. She senses your anger and bitterness.

Here's an exercise to help you deal with the situation: go back in time and think about how you felt a month or so before you found the first piece of evidence that the WT relgion was a sham, OK? How were you feeling at that time? You probably were happy, after all you had the paradise earth to look forward to, you had the "truth", remember? The religion was not killing you. If you seriously try to place yourself in that state of mind, you will not only understand why your wife doesn't want to listen to you (you're basically killing all her hopes), but you also will better accept she staying in that state of mind for some time.

You are being overwhelmed by the thought that what is so clear to you is not clear to hear. You're being overwhelmed by your intense desire to bring her out of the religion by all means and at your time. Being a JW is an ideological position, and you cannot come to terms that you are losing that ideological battle with her. You can't accept defeat.

There is no reason to despair, though. Relax. Help is here. The JW religion is not biting her; she is not being spanked at the meetings; she is not putting your her money in the WT coffers; she is not in need of an emergency blood transfusion and needs to be rescued NOW.

So let her live her choice for some time, while you craft an strategy and stick to it with the long term view in mind.

From the moment she realizes you stopped trying and wonders why, YOU start winning. That's the essense of the non-confrontational strategy.

Peace.

Observador.

veen

Dude, I think you're one of the safest guys on this forum, and I totally understand how you can get so thoroughly wound up by the ridiculous beliefs we've been exposed to since we were born.

The trouble is, it's real, real hard to get other people to understand. The harder you try, the more they think you are an agent of satan(ffs!).

So what can you do? Who knows man, if anybody knew a surefire way of deprogramming JW victims we'd all know about it by now, you just need to give it time and possibly opportunity's will present themselves in the future.

worldtraveller

Well it HAS been rather cold here but we do 2 or 3 long walks most days even in the rain and snow. Our 3rd walk today was in Blaine Washington. It was a nice sunset, but freakin' cold. I do really wish you peace. Let her do her own thing, and you take care of yours - I suppose. Sounds like a cop out, but if you can't walk the other way, then walk standing tall. (eh!!!) Bill.

LouBelle

You're doing it becuase you get something out if it - if you didn't - you wouldn't do it *shrug* yes I'm being rather blunt about it, but Ooomps you seem to thrive on this drama, for whatever reasons.

As to answer your thread question: I have 100% let the JW stuff go - I'll talk about it if brought up and relate my experiences. I've accepted that it's my past, it doesn't have bearing on my here and now. I don't need to prove this or that to JWs- it's not up to me to change their mind. If they want to find something else - they will have to look, if they ask me questions I'll oblige.

Your situation is what it is - accept it and make a concrete decision to either let it rest and work on other aspects of your marriage, or if it's that much of a contention to let it and your wife go.

oompa

LouBelle dear, the one thing i want less of in life.... is DRAMA!......and the prob with me and my disposition is that i am the one to keep whipping it up.....and the options have always been pretty much the same, make my marriage work with my wife a JW or NOT a JW, or end the marriage........making it work with her a jw is a challenge for me, and i have not done well with it so far, so hope to fix that as I shut up and let jw things slip away into the deep.....i don't think it is too late.........oompa........

old saying (to dubs): Put up or shut-up

new saying (to me): Shut-up or move on

and not funny lou.....but what i got out of it was frustration, despair and depression.......and she got the same but with fear and dissallusion thrown in.........i just hope others, esp newbies learn from my stupidity and futility.......

LouBelle

yeah well now ooompa - enough of the words and time for the action.

ACT ACT ACT

because if you don't act, you may just spend the next 10 years of your life unhappy and more disillusioned than ever before.

FREE YOURSELF before you become a grumpy old man that really is hunched over with all his worries and iffy stuff.

Lou - of the keeping it real class

p.s I know you know that I only wish the best for you!

Who here has just let the JW stuff go?. I NEED HELP GUYS!!!!!!!.................

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