Who here has just let the JW stuff go?. I NEED HELP GUYS!!!!!!!.................

by oompa 60 Replies latest jw friends

  • Dagney
    Dagney

    Ditto sir82.

    I firmly believe no one will change until they are ready to change, especially regarding this.

    I'm not sure if you can ever just let JW stuff go. I want everybody I know to get the fluck out of it, but if I just criticize something they truly love and believe in, it drives the wedge deeper. MHO, for me, I see it NOW as a lack of respect for them and their belief. Granted, they disrespect us and our beliefs/journey, but I don't wish to do that to them.

    Wish you the best in a difficult situation.

  • anglise
    anglise

    Sorry oompa

    no real great ideas other than has she any other passions/hobbies aside from the JW's that you could nuture and share. Maybe build on these positive things together.

    Anglise

  • BabaYaga
    BabaYaga
    Leaving said: You're triggering her cult personality when you speak doctrine.

    If your goal is empowering her to think for herself, you must avoid cult doctrine at all costs.

    Leaving's right. We have heard so many times about the "cult personality" and the REAL personality... if you love your WIFE, the REAL one is the one you love. The more she stays in REAL mode, the less hold the cult mode will have on her.

    Look... I'm not saying this is easy, and you are going through serious anger issues and it is nearly impossible to keep your mouth shut. My suggestion is to find OTHER venues to work the anger out... and seriously... do not bring this stuff up to your wife anymore at all... at least for a while. I don't think you can go to meetings and keep your mouth shut, so JUST DON'T DO IT.

    Love to you,
    Baba.

  • donny
    donny

    I agree this will not be easy. My ex-wife was also (still is) a hardcore JW and nothing I brought up had any visible effect on her. She even agreed with some of my issues but I was given the "wait on Jehovah" or "don't run ahead of Jehovah" and the like. Some folks are so attached to their religious affiliation that virtually nothing can pull them from it. It is so frustrating when you can see the organization for what it is and yet the one whom you are with can't see the forest for the trees.

  • lola28
    lola28

    Ompa you need help but it’s not help any of us here can give, you have issues that no one on this board is qualified to help you deal with. You need to get offline and go work on your marriage, posting here for you is unhealthy and you are letting this board consume your life, my advice, turn off your computer go get the yellow pages and find yourself a good marriage counselor, take a break from all things JW related and take the energy you invest here and start investing it on your wife and your life.

    Lola

  • villabolo
    villabolo

    Oompa I agree with lola28. However marriage counselers with no knowledge of the JWs may be to naive to offer effective advice. What you need Oompa is a good shrink for yourself and some meds for your anxiety/depression. You should also seriously consider a separation.

  • BabaYaga
    BabaYaga

    Lola, I disagree. This forum may be the only way he can vent and work through his anger.

    I was out for twenty years (TWENTY YEARS!!!) and still made excuses for the JW's. It was twenty years of denial for me... until I stumbled upon this site and LEARNED the truth about the (T)ruth. Luckily, I went through my anger phase much faster than I went through the denial one.

    True, this forum is not the only way to work through these phases, but I personally am eternally grateful that it is here. I have news for you... most psychologists and marriage counselors have no idea how to deal with cult issues.

  • undercover
    undercover

    oompa,

    I'm gonna focus on you for a minute...forget your wife.

    You gotta let go a little bit.

    We know that you've got a lot of shit happening in your life. I sense that you want to "fix" everything, including your wife, in one fell swoop and make everything hunky-dory and ya'll will live happily ever after. You want instant closure. It ain't gonna happen.

    Take it one day at a time. Show that your love is unconditional, not hinged on some agreement of religious principles. Don't sweat the little things. Save your hard discussions for the most damning of JW beliefs or practices.

    You'll never convince her in one session that the "truth" is all crap. Take it one day at a time...and one issue at a time. You'll take three steps forward, maybe one or two steps back...but you'll still be a step ahead of where you started.

    We've talked, you know my situation...I've figured out that as long as one mate remains loyal, even if just in thought and not action, to the bOrg, there will always be tension. It may go away for periods of time, but it's always just under the surface...waiting. When the calm times are around, enjoy them, nurture them. When the JW issues arise be prepared, know your subject and stand your ground...but maintain that your love for her is genuine and everlasting, no matter her personal belief system.

  • lola28
    lola28

    Babayaga, normally I would agree with you but not in this case, I think he needs to take a step back from everything and work on himself and his marriage, this obsession he has with all things JW is not good for him and spending time here is not healthy for him.

    Lola

  • anglise
    anglise

    With respect I think it is all to easy to lose site of the fact that the JW's are not just another religion.

    Each and every baptized, blood card carrying JW is expected to be willing to die for their beliefs.

    All those in divided homes know this and are afraid.

    I can only hope that the O P has success in getting his wife away from the WTBTS.

    Anglise

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