by oompa 60 Replies latest jw friends
Oompa,, All I know to add to what has already been said is " try to not change her". Sometimes the more we try the more stubborn the other person becomes. I realise you are very sure of what you feel but at the same time she is too. So it might be better to back off as much as possible, let her know you still love her no matter what. Sometimes you just can't change people.
Just my opinion. Debbie
Oompa..I`ve been gone over a week..I come back..And..You`ve screwed yourself again!!.....Worse!!.....LOL!!.................Listen to Lady Lee!!..Get a jar and some cash..LOL!!.............................OUTLAW
Oompa.. I know how you feel, except not as extreme, my friend and I disagree in the same way. He never wants to discuss some biblical matters which we can't agree on because he feels it hurts our friendship. I think Sir82 had the best advice. Ultimately, alone, we can do nothing, so focus on your own life, and keeping God's laws, and praying for your wife. You may feel at times, that you can offer some light to her, and that should always be kindly right? Also, keep in mind what the bible says, about 'telling people they are wrong'.
David was responsible for Uriah's death, and so Nathan approached him with a story. Only after realising the grave mistake was his own, did David see the error of his ways and repent with his face to the floor for a week. Heavy.
It's easy to have zeal against belief that you don't share.. but what if you are wrong? I could have a debate with you about keeping the correct Sabbath, but that may not convict you. I think, as soon as you accept that, fire doesn't work against fire, you have to go back to the bible, and find the answers for helping those you love..
P.S. JW's believe (and correctly I believe) that divorce is not allowed, except if adultery is part of the equation. It might be wise to remind your wife that God wants you to stay together, and that God also wants you both to settle your differences. It may not be easy... but, somethings are just not.
P.S.2. How do you get more posts allowed? Is everyone limited to 10 every 24 hours? ack. And why are there no JW's on this forum? :P
oompa...
i feel for you... I am not married...I can only imagine what would have happened if I had married that JW sister from overseas back in 06.... and I was already lurking here... I would have stuck it out in the troof for her because I truly loved her..... but I would have been miserable over the religion thing .... I loved her enough to do it..but I suspect it would have killed me emotionally. The only thing we really had in common was being dubs. She broke it off because of depression and bipolar on her part... she did me a favor in retrospect.
as to your situation... financial and legal considerations aside.... what percentage of your "commonality" or "compatibility" is JW-related and what percentage is NOT JW-related? If the main thing between you is dub, your cover has been blown and you will never be able to pull it off. She will know it, you will know it, and the elders already know it and will keep you under a microscope as a potential apostate..the pressure alone is not worth it. I know..I was an elder that sat on a JC for an accused apostate.... I watched the elders hound him until he finally just admitted it...as much as I tried to deflect the pressure....
If you have a lot more in common with your wife than Dubville, then sit down, let her know that you will never threaten her faith, you will support her by not interfering. As French philosopher Voltaire once said: "I do not agree with a thing you say [or believe ..ie, JW doctrine], but will defend to the death your right to say [or believe] it."
Let your wife know how much you love her and dont want to lose her. Tell her you want to build on the things you do share in common.... and then as Lady Lee said... stop talking to them [about JW doctrine]. You have planted the seeds...if your wife ever wakes up, she will remember that..and she will remember that you didnt try to drag her out....but respected her right to move in her own way in her own time... you didnt wake up and leave overnight...she wont either...
If you can stop talking about JW stuff, and she is agreeable to it, you have something to build your marriage on.
If you cannot stop talking (in her mind bashing) about JW stuff with your wife... starting right now, then your marriage is doomed and it's time to cut your losses now. Sometimes you should do what has been encouraged in the past here....become an ex-EX JW.... being on this forum helps to vent...but also can trap you in the whole "ex-JW" thing.... Out of the frying pan and into the fire...
OK...I am done ranting... hope it makes sense... I wish you well oompa whatever the outcome.
Snakes ()
jws said it. Belief in the bible requires that you accept plainly that death entered through sin, verses like Gen 3:22 and "the wages of sin are death" and romans already quoted, state this plainly. Can I ask just what your belief is now?
WELCOME give cake...
P.S.2. How do you get more posts allowed? Is everyone limited to 10 every 24 hours?
apparently newbies get limited posting until they have proven they are not troublemakers... since registration opened again on the forum, there has already been some spammers... those of us who have been here longer and stayed out of trouble have more (but not unlimited) postings.
ack. And why are there no JW's on this forum? :P
I presume based on your that you do realize this forum is not favorable to the Watchtower Society, right? Membership here is considered apostasy by the Organization. There are lots of active JWs on this forum. I was an elder lurking on here for several years before I signed up...I have since left....There are lots of former members needing and giving support to others who have left the religion, unbelieving mates of active JWs looking for help udnerstanding their believing spouse, current members with doubts looking for answers, friends, relatives, and coworkers of JWs with questions... there are former dubs from nearly every level of the Organization here...former COs, MTS grads, Gilead grads, elders, etc....
hang around...
Snakes ()
Givecake..There are lots of JW`s on this forum..Just not many Pro-WBT$ JW`s.....Most Pro-WBT$ JW`s were put in a big pot,cooked and eaten a long time ago.....Theres very few left here...................................................................OUTLAW
givecake
There are active JWs here. But rarely are they still believers. Many have doubts, serious doubts. And fro good reasons.
You are welcome but I will suggest that you try not to quote scripture here. Most of us know them already and as said above many have come from various levels of the WTS.
You will quickly discover many here have a instant negative reaction to anyone who quotes scripture or tries preaching to us. Be careful and like I said
WELCOME to the forum
Oompa, I think you need to decide if there is anything in your life to save. If there is, you must accept your wifes belief. She also must accept you for what you are. An independantly thinking individual. If the arguements are non stop and she puts more faith in her beliefs that she does to you, then I honestly believe you must move on. If you are at an age where you can easily start over, then you should. Plain and simple. If you are getting up there, then perhaps just continue on. Perhaps you need to find friends with common interests - not anything to do with your personal problems. I go out with a long term friend almost every day for a long walk and we talk about the issues of the day. We sometimes disagree with each other, but I ALWAYS let it go, because it makes life much more comfortable. He is an adult and as such can make his own decisions for himself.
I personally would never have gotten involved with someone who is deeply rooted in this faith because they seem rather focused on one issue and have nothing else to live for. Unfortunately people can change. My wife has succumbed to some bizarre ideas about health issues, and financial issues. She is on many meds a day. I now just live with it no matter how nutty it is. After all I did agree to "for better or worse". However there are some things I will not tolerate and would leave in an instant. It would be a very selfish move as what I do now is better. Just put up with it and get outside often. Find a hobby you can spend some time with. PS . I hope you are clean and sober these days.
Oompa,
As a long-time lurker, I have really enjoyed your posts and sense of humor. Its ironic, but JWs and particularly ex-JWs are noted for good humor, good grammar, and thoughtful opinions. Its one reason I like this site and one reason I originally joined the dubs.
In just 10 days, well over 880 people have viewed this thread and it kept increasing as I wrote this. A testament to how much most of us care about you, your plight and the similarities to our own. A bunch of us sympathize and empathize with you and wish you all the best.
To your original question, this may not be the best site to ask about who has let the JW thing go. If we had entirely, we wouldn't be on this site would we? On the other hand, we can help with some of the possibilities of what's on the other side.
The best analogy to your situation to my mind is a messy house. Not a couple of hours, lets fix it up place but a 20 cats pissing and shitting in the house and armies of cats and mice (rats) doing battle in the house place (true story of poor older aunt, fed the cats and mice the same). At first look, this is an impossible job and couldn't someone else clean this mess? Nope, its yours (or mine as the case was). So, where do you start 'at the begininng and go to the end'. It is a long, slogging job requiring little finesse and lots of endurance. I fear that may be the case with your religous convictions and the consequences to your marriage. Its a messy dirty job and you would like some assurance its worth the effort.
Well, that's hard to give. I've seen it both ways. Folks, like myself, who find the JW thing a stage of life with little impact on the present find the other side pretty pleasant. Sort of like growing up. The where and how had an impact but its only one of many factors in life. Some folks have never been able to leave it (being a JW) be. First, they view themselves as witnesses and then as not witnesses, but its still all about the dubs. JWs is the defining factor in their life. I have to say I have children on both sides of that divide.
I can say it is possible to put it aside, but doing so may require quite a few hard times. At the time of my divorce, I was racked with quilt and angst. Fear of the future. Fear of the consequences to me, my wife, my children. I have a different opinion now. My ex-wife is much happier without me. My children have dealt, to really good advantage to some and less so to others. But all the relationships are honest now, not cloaked in guilt and fear.
For me, I only wish I had done it (quit) sooner. I lost a decade to fear and taught my children that compromise for peace is better than standing for what you believe. Now I think, I feared a paper dragon.
So this is the key point. JWs keep folks in line with fear. It is incredibly refreshing and invigorating to live without that fear and guilt! Even if I lived under an overpass, it would be better to live without the fear and guilt layered on by those folks! It just is indescribably liberating..... for me. Will it be for you? Well, only one way to find out.
Best Wishes and Best Regards
Damocles
