Witness 007 returns to wife and meetings..I give up! Sorry no choice! (page 4)

Homerovah the Almighty

It can be a difficult thing to completely leave those social relationships that were established at the Hall

and else where, but certainly that doesn't mean that its impossible.

Friendships and relationship can be started and grow lets say at places of work , community volunteering, and making contributing

efforts for other good causes, ones that perhaps do not have a religious attachment to them.

It sounds like your wife should start an exercise program to get her mental and physical health back in shape .

There is very strong evidence that shows that starting into a exercise routine can pull people out of depression and anxiety,

something that both you and your wife can participate in and benefit out of.........think about it.

So sorry for your predicerment. Please though don't think that the fact that you stopped attending caused you wife's breakdown. I am sure you are a strong influence in her life, but come on you can't cause a chemical imbalance in her brain. I also agree with On the way out, you can't go along with a delusional person (I am not saying you wife is delusional) but the therapeutic thing to do is get in touch with the emotion, not the delusion. Your wife's emotion is loneliness and there is more than one way to skin a cat. I never felt more lonely than at that meeting surrounded by 150 people. That being said you seem very loyal to her and your family, I respect that, all the best to you.

Quandry

Well, I would have to say that when I found out the "truth" really wasn't, I was devastated. To the depths of my soul I had tried to be a "good" witness. It is depressing.

Perhaps you will be able to help your wife in the future to walk away. Maybe if you can find some hobbies to get involved with-somthing both of you can do together. If you can make friends outside of the KHall things may improve.

Wish you the best.

JimmyPage

one meeting every couple weeks should get me some "Witness friends" for my wife. God help me!

That's 25% attendance these days. Look out, they might make you a ministerial servant!

Sarah Smiles

Dropping the Witnesses and hurting herself at work and being isolated from people has led her down this path

Witness 007 you need to seek help! Someone you can talk with, because your not thinking clear and your reasoning for going back to your wife does not make any sense. If you want to go to meetings go, but do not use your unstable wife as in excuse to attend meetings! If you go because of your wife your going to become angry and lash out on the wrong person.

What do you think everyone who reads this post is going to pate you on your back and see you as a hero or what a nice guy! NO people are going to read this post and think that you are confused and need help. You have an agenda for going back in a living situation with a someone who is too unstable to live with that is why you state, "no choice." There is always a choice but it might not be the house, car, dog, and securities. Perhaps you are tired of living with mom and the exwife is your only place to live right now! I think you have an angenda and are going back for the wrong reasons and YOU are not looking like a nice guy!

I am going to call you out on the I am a hero to my wife syndrome! What are you getting out of fixing your wife? Why would you want to be with someone you need to fix which is impossible!

You made a deal with your wife that you will attend meetings, and your going against your own feelings about the JW for the sake of your wife if so.

Your lying to yourself and you want to deceive others; your wife as well as other Jehovah Witnesses will be hurt because you will be a big disappointment to them. You are going to go to meetings right off it is based on a lie, you already know that you no longer like what they teach. Next, you are going to make friends for "your wife" by appearing to be a JW which you dislike. Do you think JW do not get attach to people? Sure they are humans like you. You will hurt other by this little lie once they find out that you no longer believe in the WTBTS doctrines. Guess what?

The one you are hurting the most is the person you see in the mirror everyday. You are hurting yourself because you are wasting your time and energy with a lie. Grow up!

You know what I would like to see? You get yourself together before you try to help anyone else! Stay strong be honest and upright. Do what is right and let your wife go so she can get her help and not be depended on you. Your wife has had mental problems before her physical health issues and maybe for some reason you have the need to help her. You did not seperate for 8 weeks for nothing and your wife did not get a restraining order on you for nothing!

Do you think you will be able to fix someone? If so you really need counseling! Does it ever shock you that you were attracted to someone who has mental illness? Would you have married your wife if you knew she had mental illness? Now, who really has the problem your wife who knows how to control you with her neediness, or the person who falls for someone who needs to be fixed and wants everyone to say, "What a nice guy!"

Take care hope this helps you!

Odrade

007, lots of people attend churches where they don't believe the doctrine. They just keep their mouths shut and go for the fellowship, the choir, the youth program, church picnics, etc. Now granted, the JWs don't really have any of those things except for a certain amount of fellowshipping, but to your wife that's worth it. And maybe for you that's worth it too.

I was talking to a friend who happens to be agnostic-leaning-atheistic. She has attended the First Baptist for YEARS because she loves the choir. I have a client who attends the Unitarian with many of her friends, even though she is Catholic.

I know we have this huge indoctrination to overcome that if you attend JW services, you are unequivocally a believer and supporter. But I have to believe that a fair percentage of "Witnesses" are just going to church. I've learned from talking to church-attending non-believers, that the church leaders will still try to get people involved more actively. It's the same all over, the JWs just think they are different.

Millions of women get up in the morning, take their B.C. pill, then go to Catholic Mass. Why should the JWs be any different. What will truly break down their policies is if tens of thousands of attenders just quietly do not comply with their rules on shunning, transfusions, entertainment, college, and so on. I'm sure there are plenty of Mormons out there who don't wear the special undies, too.

When I was newly out of the JWs, I couldn't wrap my mind around anyone just silently attending, or going back because of family. But the more distance I put between myself and the JWs, the more I see that it's just another religion.

steve2

In our relationships, we can be faced with hard questions about how far we are prepared to go for our partners. You are going a lot further than many people would be prepared to go. Perhaps you need toi accept that, at least for the time being, your role in life is to prop up your wife's faith. If that means accompanying her to meetings, so be it. But there's an unmistakable air of instability in your relationship: What a shame if you make a commitment to play the game of religious pretence with her, and either your wife or your relationship still crumbles. You may soon need to decide where your own boundaries are and stick to them. All the best.

shopaholic

Why would you not want to live an authentic life? Are you actually willing to live the rest of your life participating in an organization/activity that you know is an utter waste of time?

When it comes down to it, its your life and your its your choice to make.

Rabbit

My marriage to a uber-dub started crumbling as soon as I started to question Watchtower thinkings. How dare I have clearly independant thoughts ! Well...to make a very long sad story -- short -- the result was divorce. I, like you, still loved my wife and tried to be true to myself and what I had learned about the Troof.

Nothing mattered. You know how JW's are viewed once "...they knew The Truth and turned their backs on Jehovah's Organization...". I was told I "...had a demon, probably from some stuff I bought a a garage sale." My 'then' wife tried to help me. She burned a bunch of my stuff one day. Talk about true love.

True JW's truly fear Jehovah and all His other invisible employees, including Satan and his minions, too. They are ALWAYS WATCHING THEM !

Can you say MENTAL ILLNESS T-R-I-G-G-E-R-S !?

Please...for both of your sakes...take her to counseling. You've agreed to go to the KH, right ? If she won't go (mine wouldn't) then go for yourself (I did). These very smart people won't tell you the 'answers', but, mine sure helped me sort out the chaos (like you have right now).

I'm very happy with my new life now, despite all the shunning from my JW relatives and some of my children.

I wish you and your wife -- the best.

done4good

I'm going to go out on a limb here, sorry. I truly do not believe in stepping into ANYONES marital or family situation, but...

I simply cannot respect having no self respect. Your wife is important. But so are you. Stand up for what you know is right.

j

Witness 007 returns to wife and meetings..I give up! Sorry no choice!