Struggle, you will NOT miss out on Paradise. Jehovah knows your heart, and he knows that your desire is to do good things. The WTBTS NEEDS to use the "carrot and the stick" to keep people out there selling magazines. They NEED to make you feel unworthy so that you will work even harder for the corporation.
I don't know if you've read the thread started by MoodyBlue, but in that I posted a quote from Steven Hassan's website. He is a former Moonie, and is now working as a counselor for people who have been involved with cultlike groups.
I know that you believe the JW's have the "truth", and I'm not trying to tell you that you should quit the religion. However, if you could read that list, I'm sure that you will understand more about "high-control" groups and the way they operate. People are always kept in fear of "losing out on paradise" if they don't follow all the rules.
Jesus, on the other hand, gave a very simple message. He offered redemption to all who believe in him. Very simple.
Struggle, you are in love. This should be a wonderful time of discovery for you. You made a mistake, and it has bothered your conscience. You've confessed to Jehovah....it is done. Please don't torture yourself with this. You are NOT repeatedly sinning, and you KNOW that the elders cannot "forgive" you. All they can do is to use punitive measures that will accomplish nothing in the long run.
Many people spend their whole lives looking for a special person. You have found one. Spend time together, enjoy one another's company.....LIVE!
Please don't beat yourself up any longer. ****HUGS****