30 Years Old and Going on My First Date Ever -- Urgent Advice Needed

neverendingjourney

Well, first a quick summary of who I am. I'm 30 years old. I was raised "in the truth" and fully embraced the faith when I was a teenager. At the age of 23 I started having my first doubts. By 26 I stopped going to the meetings altogether. I spent the past few years doing some soul-searching and setting out a path for my post-JW life. I'm happy with my career and with my social life, but I have no love life to speak of.

A few weeks ago I decided to finally do something about it, so I signed up on E-Harmony. I've been e-mailing a very attractive woman on there for a few days and I want to finally ask her out. I've never been on a proper date in my life. I dated two JW girls when I was younger, but that has no resemblance to what actually goes on in real life, i.e., I won't be taking a chaperone along this time. I've been with girls post-JW life, but they have been strictly short-lived trysts.

Where should I take this girl and how should I behave? I need your advice, please. I'm pretty sure this date won't go very smoothly. How can it if it's the first real date I've been on. Regardless what you're doing, you will never be very good at it the first time. That's part of why I signed on to this website, so I can get a few dates under my belt and get better at it.

Oh yeah. I should mention that she's a single mother. I'm not sure how that factors into the mix, but please advise. Thanks.

leavingwt

Baby steps, chief.

Dinner, moderately priced, public place. Be yourself.

Sometimes you "know" within a few minutes if you want to get to know a person better.

Don't put pressure on yourself. You'll look back at this as such a small thing, years from now.

There are plenty fish in the sea, and this is not a make or break experience. You learn as you go.

Joshnaz

Just be yourself dude! If you want someone to like you they have to like you for who you are. Have fun.

rebel8

Don't talk about being a dub and don't say this is your first date, for starters.

Just pretend in your mind you're having coffee with a new coworker and just be friendly. Ask her questions about herself, talk about things you're interested in, stay away from negative talk about yourself and controversial topics.

Smile a lot, make eye contact, and listen.

A little nerves can be cute, but too many and she'll feel uncomfortable for you.

If you sense a mutual attraction, give her a smooch.

shamus100

Make sure to clean your pipes before you go.

Joshnaz

Oh yeah the single mom thing.....I don't know any ladies who at that age doesn't have kids. Its expected. You should be like one of those guys girls dream about. Congradulations BTW. :)

aSphereisnotaCircle

Go somewhere that you don't have to keep a conversation going so you don't have to worry about ackward silences.

Show a polite interest in her kids but not to much. When I was a single mom and dating, one guy just seemed too interested in my kids, I did not like it, it sent up red flags for me. Maybe he was just trying to get on my good side but it made me very uncomfortible and I would not go out with him a second time.

Have fun and remember she is nervous too!

VIII

Congratulations and good luck!

Everyone gave you great advice. Not talking religion, unless she, for some odd reason, really wants to talk about it, would be advised. When I was single, the last thing I wanted people to know was that I had been a JW.

And as for drinking, I'd keep it minimal or zero.

Sports? Travel? Work? Things like that. It is amazing how much time those things take to talk about and before you know it, it will be time to go home and on your next date.

neverendingjourney

There are plenty fish in the sea, and this is not a make or break experience. You learn as you go.

That's the plan.

Don't talk about being a dub and don't say this is your first date, for starters.

I made that mistake with the last girl I "dated." It was more of a hook-up (as the kids would say) than a true dating experience. We hung out a few times over the course of 2 weeks or so. I decided I wanted to be open with any girl I dated because I was feeling guilty that my new circle of friends was in the dark about my JW past. It was a mistake. I don't think she was able to properly make the distinction between a current and former JW. For "worldly" people, religion is often a trait you're born with that you never really shed when you get older, so she began to see me as a guy with Dub beliefs, regardless of how many times I told her that was part of my past. She started giving me the cold shoulder all of a sudden and I haven't talked to her in months.

Make sure to clean your pipes before you go.

Not sure that's going to make a difference.

You should be like one of those guys girls dream about.

Thanks for the kind words.

Maybe he was just trying to get on my good side but it made me very uncomfortible and I would not go out with him a second time.

Thanks for that advice. I'm sure the priority with single moms is finding a guy who is neither a pervert nor abusive. I'll keep that in mind.

snowbird

but please advise.

I'm impressed with your spelling!

Just be yourself.

Sylvia

30 Years Old and Going on My First Date Ever -- Urgent Advice Needed

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