And a third continuation........Meh
However, breaking up with her had a very good affect on me. An unexpected one. I finally could see through it all, and see how this 'truth' has been affecting my life. There is a book that she had given me, entitled "Taking back your life." It's about cults and abusive relationships. I decided to pick it up and read it. This book is not about JW's or the WTS. But if I didn't know better, I would think it was. It describes everything that goes on in this Org. Over this past week, I have seen how much the opinions of men have swayed everything that is taught. Then I found this site. Best thing that's ever happened to me, other that meet this girl from work. After reading things like Amazing's post on masturbation, I feel like a veil has been lifted from my eyes.
One thing that had always bothered me was not being able to have a beard. Where was that in the Bible? I never told anyone from work about it because I was so embarrased. I realize now I was embarrased because I knew how stupid of a rule it is. And then to see how it started with Rutherford's feud with Russell. Ridiculous. So I started growing a beard. :)
I wanted to tell my story because I need some advice. My brother is DF'd, sister was never baptized and is a druggy, dad is an inactive SOB reproved elder whom I haven't seen in years. But mom is still a JW. She doesn't know how I feel. I love my mom. I always have and always will. I need help breaking this to her. I'm thinking I'm just gonna stop meetings cold turkey and grow a beard, and she will get the idea. But I know there are going to be problems and I'm not looking forward to them. She has said she will remain loyal to Jehovah regardless of what I do, which means she would cut all contact off with me if I'm df'd. Any ideas would be great.
Now, I feel much better. I've realized that in order for me to be happy, I do not need my mother's love. But I DO need to love my mother. So I am happy because I do love her, regardless of how she feels about me. What she thinks and believes is up to her, and I will love her even if she cannot talk to me because of JW requirements. I also have lost any feelings of being lost this week. I've realized that I have a journey, and it's ok to not know the answer. For the first time, I actually look forward to NOT being a JW, because I now have the freedom to examine everything. And that is exciting. It is a journey that I am looking forward to, and I think I won't get bored in my travels. My only wish is that my girl, the one from work that I let down again, can forgive me. I hope she can see the difference she has made in my life, and how much she has changed my outlook for the better.
Anyways, thanks for letting me introduce myself. I look forward to any replies, and also being a part of a community like this. Talk to you all soon.
Aeiouy