Introducing myself

by Aeiouy 45 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  cantleave

  Hello Yoko.

  Aeiouy is exiting a high control cult, where members are instructed to shun non-believers even if they are family. To be open and honest with his mother, may result in a complete breakdown of parent child communication. It sounds an over-reaction, it is an over-reaction, but it is also a reality. By saying you are no believe the teachings of the Watchtower is saying that you are no longer a Jehovah's Witness, you have disassociated yourself, that course of action is publically announced and results in shunning.

  What you have suggested is clear honest communication and in most social settings and would have no consequence, In a high control group the consequences are extreme. Allow Aeiouy to manage his exit from this cult in manner that will minimise the possibility of losing contact with his family. It will require a degree of dishonesty and may be uncomfortable and in the end it still may not work, but if the strategy is succesful you will have achieved a win-win.
• 

  Aeiouy

  How does this email look everyone. Does it say enough without saying too much? I still haven't hit the send button, and am understandably nervous about doing so. Any input would be helpful.

  Hi mom, I wanted to talk to you about the email you sent the other day to me. I feel it is time that I be honest with you. I need some time off from the meetings. There are things that I need to think about. I don't want to get into them in this email, but I want you to know I have thought about this a lot. You know that. You can see how I've been doing with meetings lately. I don't want to make rash decisions about these things, and that's why I need to think about them. Have I been dating? At one point I was. Before I had my judicial meeting, we were 'dating'. After my meeting I broke it off with her. A little bit later, I decided to start up with her again. The elders came by my house and talked with me, and after that I broke it off with her again. She does not trust me now, and I don't blame her since I've changed my mind so many times. We are not dating right now. I'm not sure we ever will because of her distrust of me. I tell you this because I don't want you to think that she is my motivation for this. Like I said there are things I need to think about, and finally make the decision to be a Witness or not. The main reason for writing this email though, is to assure you that I love you. Don't think that my taking time off from the meetings is a sign that I don't love you. Nothing could be farther from the truth. You have always been there for me, and I am eternally grateful. I will always love you. You are my mother, and I would never want to change that. I don't want to disassociate myself, and I don't want to be disfellowshipped either. I don't want to lose contact with you. But I also have to seriously think about where my life is going, and how I feel about being a Witness. I'm afraid you will be disappointed in me though. I'd like to come over for dinner, as you mentioned in your most recent email, but would you have me? I hope you don't hate me. I hope you see that I have to make these decisions, and that I am doing my best not to make the wrong one. I'm not sure what else to say in this email. But like I said, I don't want to lose contact with you. I would like to come over anytime you want me to. Tyler Here is her email. Tyler, I've been through enough in my crappy life and I deserve to know what is going on with you. I don't think you're being honest with me. If you are not planning on being in the truth any longer, I deserve to know because if you're not, that means you are planning on being part of the world. It will just be a matter of time before I'm not able to have any contact with you either. T-mobile was due today. I need to know what you're planning so I know whether or not to cancel our family plan and also whether to remove you from the car insurance policy. I'm tired of wondering what you're doing and if you are dating. Lane at the bank said you go to trivia night at the Island Grill and you are always saying you went somewhere. I have a hard time believing you are going alone. If you are planning to stay in the truth then you need to do it and stop missing for no good reason. You need to think about all that Jehovah has done for you in your life and appreciate it. The world is a hostile place to decide to place yourself. Anyway, I am
• 

  Aeiouy

  Very interesting post Cantleave. I just read it after posting this last one with the possible email in it. Shoot what do I do. Yoko and I have been through a lot. I insisted we hide everything from mom. I'm just not sure that realistic or even functional now. Input?

  Aeiouy
• 

  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  Okay, I'm thinking..... hmmm.... here's some random thoughts...

  Mom's gonna wanna know why you need "time off" from the meetings. Right?

  Well, one dirty secret of the bOrg is "confidentiality". They use it to privately and publicly humiliate. They will privately ask humiliating questions that are none of their business. Then they publicly humiliate by reproving or DFing for "confidential" reasons. It's bogus. It's unscriptural. In ancient Israel, such cases were discussed publicly at the city gate. In Paul's example in Corinthians, the reason was published right in the Bible, everyone knew what had happened.

  Now understand that I respect the confidentiality of other peoples business. If somebody wants to keep something in their life private, I respect that, as long as it isn't something seriously illegal or damaging to others. Whatever. On the other hand, I don't feel that I need to keep things "confidential" when it's MY business and someone has treated ME like crap.

  Such is the case of a recent incident in my "theocraptic life". I was wrongly accused, faced a kangaroo court, and treated like crap. The idiot elders that "counselled" me thought it was "confidential". Well, they were wrong. I know the rules better than they did. In a short time, everyone knew what happened, because I had the right to seek justice and the incident was not at all confidential. Everything the elders said to me was not confidential, because that was MY choice... particularly when the idiots told me that soooo many of the friends were stumbled by what I'd supposedly done... liars.

  So, how do you feel about "confidentiality"? Particularly since you already mentioned the situation here? Because I can certainly understand, and maybe your mother would understand, that you might have a difficult time facing the brothers that wanted you to recite your encounter like you were narrating some pornographic video. " stop missing for no good reason " Well, Br. XXX asked, "Did she orgasm?" Sorry, even I wouldn't want to see that brother on the platform condemning Internet porn. Yeah, he gets his jollies asking questions in the back room with no windows. Their ongoing prying into your personal life is not Christ-like. Now when Jesus was eating with the sinners, do you think he required them to recount in detail every recent sexual encounter?

  Okay Vowelman, any thoughts on this so far?
• 

  Aeiouy

  @BtXB:

  I think I see where you're going with this. It wouldn't be wrong to say I was upset (that's putting it lightly) about them asking me such awful questions. So "why don't I want to go to the meeting? Among other things, brother Fulano asked me this and this." I could see how that might be a good thing to do. Then she could see and feel that I'm not trying to hide anything, and at the same time I am not viewed as a apostate. Is that what your getting at?

  By the way, don't worry. I just noticed. Fulano is not his name. It means so and so in Spanish. Hermano Fulano, Hermana Fulana.
• 

  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  Yeah, that's the direction I'm thinking. Of course it depends on your mom's mentality.

  As often as my mom or dad will feel entitled to treat me badly, nobody else had better lay a finger on me or they'll break it off. It's a parent thing I guess.

  Anyway, maybe that can buy you some time and entitle you to some "time to think". Perhaps think of relocating to another congregation...?

  And I'm not sure about her threats with the phone and insurance. Maybe she wants help with the bills. Or if you have the resources to "move on", maybe it's time to let her know that if she writes a check for threats, you'll cash them in for her.

  Again, this is just a suggestion for starting the fade and trying to keep contact. Probably the less said, the better.

  Sorry she has a crappy life. Maybe you could send her some flowers and remind her how glad you are that she brought you in this world. After all, it's very sad that JWs don't celebrate Mothers Day. I guess old fatass Rutherford hated his own mother and figured everyone should hate their mother, their wife, and their children. Yeah, fine example, spending his time with a slutty "nurse", cigars, and booze.

  I hope this is some help. I'd better sign off for tonight.