by Aeiouy 45 Replies latest jw experiences
And learn to use the sites search engine.
Pick a subject, any one and you will find a wealth of quality information. Much of it will literally blow your mind as you search for the real truth of the WTS.
JWN - The GB of the WTS most hated site on the internet......and proud of it!
If you have any more threads, try to help us out by labeling them Part 2 or Part 3 or a completely different title, so we will know it's a different thread.
I'm thinking I'm just gonna stop meetings cold turkey and grow a beard, and she will get the idea.
Good idea.
Aeiouy,
Welcome to the board! I understand how you feel as I experienced a similar situation with my mom. She is still a JW. I was DF'ed about 15 years ago and explaining to her that I wasn't coming back was extremely difficult. She has continued to accept me and does not shun me. I am still her son and she is not willing to break that bond. It sounds like your mom feels the same way about her kids, so I would just tell her how you feel. You don't have to tell her that you will never return, but it sounds like she wouldn't shun you if you tell her about your doubts and do the "fade". Don't be surprised if she involves the elders...if she does, you will be pressed to explain your doubts so they can see if you qualify as apostate. If they find you apostate, you will get DF'ed unless you fall on your sword, tell them you will change and beg forgiveness. I wish you the best...this transition is always difficult and emotional.
TYA
Welcome.
I hope that you will slow down with this girl so that she does not think that maybe you were just using her, as it has been so off again and on again. She will be having trust issues with you.
Perhaps you could call her or write her first for awhile. Then think about how serious you are in your feelings for her. She deserves to know and be treated with respect.
Welcome again. You're not in an easy place!!
Thanks for sharing because all of us here know exactly what you are going through. Hebrews says, "not forsaking the gathering of ourselves together...for encouragement" and so boards like this are perfect! That is, don't isolate yourself too much at this stage. There are plenty of loving and supportive people right here who understand you and who bend over backwards to help you adjust, so you have a new family here.
Dealing with the family situation is going to be tough. Frankly, if you can move out of town and just not contact the elders you can avoid getting formally disfellowshipped. When I was young and go married and ended up getting disfellowshipped, my wife (now ex-wife) did her own thing and never really reported to the elders and they never really followed up with her, so she was never formally disfellowshipped.
Also, as you know, it makes little sense because some don't bother getting baptized and they can do whatever they want and everybody still talks to them, including relatives. Only if you are the good guy, get baptized and get kicked out then your life is miserable because the relatives have to try to obey the rules and ignore you. I have it great because both my parents are elderly and need me to be at home with them so I see them every day and they have to talk to me, so that works. But I have two brothers disfellowshipped too and they keep up with my parents as well. So maybe, if you have some financial or business need to talk to your mother you can do it that way. But if the elders catch up with you, you know they will disfellowship you, which is always painful with family members. But I must say, it's GREAT being out!! I can't stand the sight of a Kingdom Hall now..or I just burst out laughing from the pain and joy of it.
Anyway, there is great support here for you, you will need it.
Best wishes on working everything out.
LS
I second reading Crisis of Conscience and Combatting Cult Mind Control by Hassan, then there will be no doubts about what a sham the WTBS is. I hope you can work things out with the girl, she might have some insight into what you are feeling if she gave you the book. Why did she have it? Did she read it herself, or did she buy it for you?
Here's a link to part 1: http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/185449/1/Introducing-myself
And part 2: http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/185451/1/Introducing-myself
Hey vowel guy and golf nut! Welcome again!
Yeah, I know that feeling of having spent years as a die hard dub and suddenly get confronted with a simple question that suddenly reveals the truth about "the truth". So fragile is the belief system that one unanswered question reveals that the entire structure collapses.
From my experience, once I'd pushed the beliefs aside, my relationships with my siblings changed completely... for the better. I've been completely honest about everything with a faded one, so now we keep in touch all the time. I haven't been completely honest with my barely active sister, but we certainly agree on hating WT view of higher education, promises of end soon, and a few other things.
You'll get lots of good advice here. Pick and choose what you think will help you.
As for the girl, just be honest. You're really not ready for a big relationship since you're still trying to learn who you are and what you want out of life. Right? Tell her you feel like a total jerkwad a$$hole and wouldn't blame her for hating you. And tell her that regardless of how she feels or what happens, you will always hold her in high esteem since she took an interest in you as a real person and helped free you from a suffocating cult.
Good luck!
Wow! I am completely overwhelmed. Thank you to everyone for the support. I really need this.
@outatlast: Her mom is actually one of the smartest people I know. She had dealt with other organized religion and had lots of issues with it. Her mom also had dealings with alcoholic parents, which in a lot of ways can be similar to a cult. She has done lots of research on the subject so can understand somewhat the things I am going through. IT was her mom that purchased the books of Amazon for me. I didn't even ask, they could just see I needed some help. That's true kindness. There were no ulterior motives with her getting them for me. Funny thing is, She purchased the cult book, a book on relationships, and Crisis of Conscience. I knew Crisis of Conscience was 'apostate', so I took the other two but not that one. I am now half way through the cult book, and on page 40 of Crisis.
@Billy the Ex-Bethelite: Thank you so much for grouping the posts together and labeling them 1,2, and 3. I was wondering how people were going to find them. I do have a journey ahead of me, and I've hurt her every time, just before I make a 'breakthrough'. I can see how giving us some time would be helpful. She has been the catalyst though. Every time I've come to a crossroads, she has been the one to help me. I don't think she realizes that completely though. And I will be sure to her how much I think of her. She really has been one of the biggest helps I've ever had in my life.
@everybody else: Thank you for your posts. I have been reading and re-reading them all. It is very helpful to see the suggestions every one gives.
One thing that had always bothered me was not being able to have a beard.
This is one of the integral doctrines that should put up a red flag that something is not right JW land.
Why is it inappropriate for men to have beards when that is exactly how god created men ?
Its for this very reason there are many religions that put shame on to men for shaving their beards as a type of insult to god.
Well the answer to this is simple, its because every man that comes indoctrinated into the JWS faith is
seen as a marketing advertisement for the organization, in essence a designed and sculptured sales representative.
That is why dress is controlled, hair length is controlled, speech is controlled, thought and thinking and even knowledge
is controlled all in expressive effort to attract attention to themselves and represent the organization.
Beards on men is seen as being unclean in appearance, dirty even, when clean shaved men create a appearance of righteousness,
purity and wholesomeness, put a special smile and a grinning expression on that face and you have a zealous dedicated JW man.
This I'm sure came out of the old days when the WTS. door to door sales representatives were being instructed in how to represent
themselves in appearance out into the public and it just carried on from there.
Aeiouy, I would very much like to ask a certain persons the questions you were asked. I wonder if you can send me a private message with the contents of those questions.
If you read my very first post, you will understand why I want this.
I would like to comment on Out at Last's post. YEAH, she has those books because she is interested in Aeiouy, and she's been doing her homework to really understand the man! It must have taken her months! On this basis, Aeiouy, DON'T BE A DAMNED FOOL AND GO AFTER THAT GIRL.
Loving a dub isn't easy, and, having been on her shoes, I can tell you that only too often we the despicable worldlies will find ourselves wondering why we have to put ourselves to all the pain of loving an active dub instead of simply having it way, way easier with another worldly. To begin with, no relative of yours will wonder whether the Dub will try to convert them, or whether he or she has already converted YOU. If she has come back to you so many times, the girl really loves you. Will you lose that over a lie that keeps you enslaved, man? SHE REALLY LOVES YOU, UNCONDITIONALLY. Now, how often have you received unconditional love? You can love her, or you can lose her to go back to placing magazines. OPEN WIDE THOSE EYES OF YOURS!
