Introducing myself (page 4)

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

...and be careful what you say to the police. See Elsewhere's latest thread.

"She said it was a cop-out, and was not really communicating."

Sorry VowelMan, but suddenly I don't know if I like this girl. Now she's an expert on JWs and what you should be doing? Or maybe she's just overreacting to the situation? In my gut, I've had enough of a bossy religion and I don't need to replace it with bossy people.

Getting out of this religion is traumatic enough, don't rashly send hatemail to your mother. Regardless of what you really say and all the truth about "the truth", the context of your situation will tell her, "I think I love this worldly girl, so I'm giving up eternal life for some momentary pleasure with her. Oh, and I hate you and all the friends I've ever had. I'm off to sin now."

You know your mom better than I do. But with the typical JW mom, quitting meetings would send her a very clear message.

Be careful. Be patient. Think. Plan.

dgp

Sorry, I will take sides here. The worldly girl is reacting this way because we worldlies don't know better. We've never been in.

In her mind, telling your mother that you want out of the religion is no big deal. We do that all the time. I left my church many, many years ago, and my family didn't like it but no one shunned me, everyone knows pushing me to go back would be unsuccessful, and I could return any minute if I wanted. So I know she doesn't feel telling your mother what you want should take years. She needs an explanation.

It is clear, however, that Billy has a point.

besty

When I explained to my Mum and brother why I wasn't going back to the meetings my brother started shunning me instantly and instigated judicial proceedings against me from 400 miles away.

My Mum waited until I had been announced as DF before shunning me.

One of my best friends who was completely inactive and admittedly only a JW for the sake of his marriage also helped turn me in for apostasy.

Billy has more than a point.

DO NOT repeat DO NOT explain to anybody that is in any way currently connected to JW's your reasons for not going back.

Let off steam here - start new threads about 607, Booze Rutherford, global flood, existence of Jesus, the trinity, whatever you want - yes we have heard them all numerous times before but thats OK. And we won't shun you for thought crime. The Internet is our nuclear weapon against the multi-billion dollar multi-million member WTS - use it.

What you might say is:

"I'm taking a few months off. We'll see how I feel after taking a break"

or

"My doctor says I have religious exhaustion - he said it was common with HCG's. He's seen a lot of Witnesses over the years. Oh ye - HCG - High Control Group - that reminds me to Google that later."

or

"I have good reasons which I cannot share with you for not going back. If I told you what they were you won't go back either, so I suggest if you want to remain a JW we leave it at that" - "Oh really? No matter what I tell you about JW's and the WTS you will stay a member? I guess thats what my doctor meant by using the term HCG."

or

"I have made an informed decision not to go back right now - as and when that changes I will let you know - OK?"

If you can pull that off for 6-12 months you stand a good chance of being able to move on without getting DF'd. And don't dare DA - that is never the right answer since the WTS changed the rules and the announcement.

Good luck and welcome to JWN - happy Xmas as well.

HappyGuy

Hello Aeiouy,

Can I give you some advice? Well, I am going to any way. :)

I did the "tell my mother how I really feel about all this" thing. I told her that I did not believe that the WTBTS were God's organization, that I did not believe the WT magazine had any truth to it, that I did not believe that the Bible was the word of God.

And I immediately regretted doing it. My mother said she didn't want to "argue" about it and just shut me off. Then she said some nonsense about my not really doubting God's word but that I wanted to do immoral things blah blah blah.

See, the JWs don't want to know what doubts you have or why you are leaving. For them you are obviously a person lacking integrity if you would dare turn your back on the "faithful slave".

I think it is better to avoid this conversation altogether.

I also do not like the idea of "sticking it to the man" by growing a beard. You will just be informally shunned and the gossip mill will start and there will be "concern" over how "weak" you have become.

My advice is don't do anything. Don't talk about it. Just start living your life. In six months to a year things will look differently.

The elders are not going to accost you. They will make shepherding calls. Be polite and be very sorry that you are missing the meetings. They aren't really going to try to "save" you.

There is no reason for this to be dramatic. It will better for you mom if it is not dramatic.

Aeiouy

Interesting. Very interesting. Sorry I haven't responded sooner. I had reached my daily post limit.

I don't like calling her 'The Girl'. I'm going to refer to her as Yoko* from now on.

Here is what Yoko said in response to these posts:

"i guess i can't ever know what its like to be a jw, thats for sure. so of course i have a different perspective than your jw counterparts online. when i do give you advice, its usually from my personal experience and personally i find that being honest with the people i love is what feels right for me. hence me telling you to actually tell your mom how you feel. for me it would be like lifting a heavy burden off my shoulders. to just say mom, i no longer wish to be a witness, its just not what i believe in anymore. i still love you and i always will and i hope that this doesn't affect our relationship as mother and son. period. the end. obviously that sounds really easy and i know that it isn't. i guess that's how i envision it though, you telling your mother. i guess if i were leaving the jws, i wouldn't want to have to play their game anymore. to not be honest with my mother for fear of the jws coming down on you and her, its like still letting them run your life for you. at the same time, yeah you'll have to take everything i say with a grain of salt because i have no knowledge of what its like to be in your shoes as a jw. "

I think there's wisdom in Yoko's words, as well as everyone elses here. The message I am coming to in my mind is this. Be honest. But don't start a drama show. Tell my mom I need some time off from the meetings, but mention I don't feel comfortable explaining in detail the reasons why. As well as assuring her that I absolutely, wholeheartedly love her.

It seems that going into detail would only cement in her mind that I'm an apostate. I don't want that to happen. I must say fellow forumers, I have learned a lot this past week. Especially how to think for myself. And take the combined thoughts of others and formulate my own belief on matters.

Normally this matter wouldn't be that urgent except for this email I recieved from mom today:

"Hope you're doing good. I don't work Wednesday morning if you want to work on my door. Also, don't work Tuesday if you want dinner before meeting. Let me know. Love you, Mom " I can't just ignore her. And I can't feign sickness or some other absurd thing like I've been doing lately. So a response seems warranted and necessary. Still thinking. Thanks for the input again everyone. And Yoko if you read this thanks to you too. Aeiouy *Some names have been changed.

Aeiouy

Oh another thing I wanted to mention.

@happyguy: Interesting point about the beard. I do kind of want one though. But you have a good point about keeping under the radar. I don't however, want to live in fear. I don't want to restrict what I do just because some JW might see me and rumors start flying. I have the unfortunate situation of living about 2 minutes from the hall also, and my landlord is a JW. So pretty much anything and everything I do will be noticed by someone. I don't want to try and hide everything. That is not a life. That's just living under the WTS shadow still. I do see the benefit of not being dramatic though. I will definitely have to think about all this, and try and figure out the best course of action. Shunning... I can't believe I actually bought into this crap. Yeesh.

Aeiouy

dgp

This one is for you, Yoko:

Aeiouy, go see your mom. No way out for the moment.

moshe

The sad thing is girls expect to meet the family of the guy they are seriously dating- they want their parents to accept and like the potential in-laws, too. The only positive thing I can think of is their will be no arguments about whose house you would go to for holiday dinners. My son was dating a girl who was a baptized JW, but was out, big time. I don't think she had ever been turned in by her family, but they still kept her in the closet. I was hoping my son wouldn't marry this lady and they eventually broke up after living together for a year. Dealing with JW-inlaws was not my cup of tea. Any potential spouse who knew what JW-inlaws would be like would run the other way, too.

jonathan dough

But whatever you do, don't make the mistake of turning your back on Scripture like the ex-JW atheists and God-haters on this site have done; they are just Satan's minions and offer very little in the long run. The biggest mistake you can do is pretend that the Bible is not the word of God, and thereby do your own thing as you see fit. It's understandable that the JWs have poisoned you to the truth as represented in the Bible, but that is their version, their error, and that's based on their NWT Bible, which is no real Bible at all. If you have been in for very long, you probably have been brainwashed to believe that Christendom is the work of Satan. It's not. You probably think the Trinity is the work of the devil. It's not. You have just been mislead to believe that.

Don't turn your back on Him and deny Him. Do not be anti-Christ. Don't swing from one ridiculous extreme to another more ridiculous extreme. From the Almighty's perspective you are better off in the cult and believing in Him than denying Him. I don't need to tell you the risks involved. Plenty of good protestants and catholics out there. Some of them are preaching on the radio.

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

Okay, I guess Yoko isn't that bossy... or is she? Jusk kidding ... or am I ?

Anyway, you'll get more of a feel for this as you go.

Do you think it's time to find a new apartment? ... Not that I'm getting bossy or anything

Introducing myself

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