I think the time has come for you to have a serious sit down with her. Everything you say to us here you should be saying to her.
My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board.
by garyneal 160 Replies latest social family
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garyneal
I've already said all of this stuff to her, anyway I won't continue discussing the issues with my marraige. They are my problems and I will somehow find a way to work it out. Again, thanks for the feedback.
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garyneal
Well, after reading all of the posts, I feel I need to comment to some of them. So much to read and comment on but I feel you all deserve that much as I was surprised this topic generated 5 pages worth of comments.
blondie: Thank you so much for the WT articles addressing the issue of a wife being submissive. Yesterday, before we left for work, I asked her about that and commented on how I am suppose to be the head and felt that her making these demands is wrong. I even told her to ask the elder and his wife what they thought about it. Her response, "This may be wrong but I really feel like you need to stop going and I want you to stop." Of course, this morning she backed off a little. Perhaps she is treating me like a disfellowshipped person.
BabaYaga: It does seem like when it comes to negotiating, it always seems to be her way or the highway. She claims that I am just as guilty of it but I try my best to offer compromises in every situation I dislike. When the situation is reversed and I am the one who does not approve of something she will either insist that it is her way, do things her way, or just do it my way and say I am being a tyrant. She never accepts any of my compromises and never offers any of her own. I suppose this is all JW behavior, huh?
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garyneal
Almighty Homer: She may be getting coached by an elder. I have an interesting scenario that I wanted to see what you all think I should do but I will post it as another topic as to not change the topic here. It concerns asking the elder about 1914 and getting him to prove the date to me. Look for it.
Zombie Dub: It does seem like emotional blackmail, doesn't it. She does have a tendency to be abusive. On the one hand, I wonder if she loves me or not. On the other hand, she gets jealous when she thinks I might meet another woman.
Elsewhere: LOL, I just might try that.
Outlaw: Right again, as usual. Love your wit.
OTWO: You always seem to have good suggestions and good counsel on every situation concerning JW-dom. You must have been a great elder that the dubs could come to for advice without fear. The WTS lost a good witness by being who they are. I was definitely thinking of you and what you had to say when I started this thread.
wobble: It is addictive being here. Sometimes I do think that I find myself letting things bother me when I post the situations and exchanges that my wife and I have. In a sense, maybe my wife is right in that my being here does not help matters like her being in 'step moms in need' did not help her too much.
yknot: Yeah, I would love to see her here. I would also love to have her check out the information I have found. She does not have to abandon her religion, but it would be nice to see if she can at least think critically.
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garyneal
Wasanelder: LOL, she certainly would not see that one coming.
drew sagan: Yeah, sometimes I think it is because she thinks she is right and that she has the truth as to why she gets so unreasonable sometimes.
nugget: I would be very interested in reading your whole story. When did you begin posting here and why?
nelly136: Technology always has an answer doesn't it?
steve2: Yeah, honesty in this case was surely being punished. My mom tells me that sometimes you have to do your own thing and let your spouse do his/hers. It seems like our idealized image of marraige crumbles big time when confronted with the reality of an actual marraige.
Leprechan: I agree, I think JW's are controlling because their religion is controlling.
scotsman: I hope it does not apply in this case, though it might. She and I do need to have that long talk and need to spend more quality time together just her and I.
Blues Brothers: Well said. If I were on the outside, I "know" what I would've done. Truth is no one knows what he or she will do in a given situation unless that person has been in the situation.
Nathan: I might just order that book.
jamiebowers: My heart goes out to you and I am glad you got out of that relationship and found someone you really love. Concerning the situation with my son, it is all past now and no sense drudging it up. She and I went to counseling over it back in those days and it is best to let the dead horse alone.
jonathon dough: I've been aiming to read your information but it seems like I am always too busy.
Finally Free: I hope this trend does not progress in my situation. I will keep those points in mind.
greenie: I made the same point you and JamieB made about how they generalize about all of christendom. I've said this to my wife many times.
carla: I may do what you suggested. Truth is, a part of me wants to have her JW friends over so I can show them how there are indeed nice people outside the WT. I've asked my wife if she we could go to JW games and such. She said, well we can't exactly do that but she would not tell me why.
black sheep: You are absolutely right. SHE married the unbeliever, it is HER problem. Thanks for your advice.
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garyneal
hopscotch: We may consider couples counseling but I don't think things are as quite that bad. You are right about life being too short to waste it on downers.
flipper: It is a shame you had to deal with your wife disconnecting from you emotionally all because you did not reach for eldership. What a terrible example of conditional love. I think my sister in law sees this but I think deep down she really would like to see her mom love and accept her too. Just like my wife, I believe they are holding on the religion because of her. Get to the mother, and the whole ship goes down. The father will probably leave and I know the daughters will. However, I doubt I will try to get to her though.
diamonddiz: This is exactly why I feel free to view both sides of the arguments about the WT. Of course, I also entertain both sides of the opinions concerning Christianity as a whole too. I don't have to worry about shunning like my wife does.
dgp: Your comments are always welcomed. I do plan to stand my ground even though she did back off. I've had to stand my ground on a lot of things and I know it bothers her. When I was at the hall while playing with my daughter, I asked myself if God would think that I was doing right by her by not becoming a witness. I know the answer is yes on that front but I do wonder how I would be judge later in life for making this decision.
Billy the X: Yeah, I've read some of those websites too. I remember telling my wife the Russell was a pyramidologist and that is where 1914 came from. She began looking in the Proclaimers book to 'verify my claims.'
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garyneal
moshe: practical advice, thanks. I will certainly consider it if I feel like she is becoming too emotionally withdrawn. I will also watch if a pattern develops. Like, if the more she is involve, the more she withdraws from me.
Gerard: Yeah, I figured as much. As much as she likes to be opinionated and bossy, I cannot imagine her having a successful marraige with a real JW man.
Bourne: Thanks, I do try to see if the problems are from the religion or from something else. When she and I do have good talks, I realize where some of the problems come from. It isn't the religion in every case.
wozza: I believe you are soooo right. She is scared of the truth and feels that if she abandons it, she will let down the elder and his wife, her mom, and most of her family. I've tried telling her that she is not letting down God if she abandons it, especially since I find it hard to believe that God can only endorse this religion as they claim.
satanus: Thanks for the parallels in WTS and drug addiction.
GL Tirebiter: You're right and that is one reason why I act the way I do. Luckily I met many good friends within christendom so when the WT propaganda began telling me that only they show love, I was like, "Wait a minute."
undercover: I agree precisely. Her actions do not seem right considering I am not a witness nor have I ever been. The whole idea of "spiritual pornography" is indeed ridiculous. As others have said, truth stands up to scrutiny.
lovelylil: Thank you, I still love her and believe it can get better.
Thanks again everyone.
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judge rutherFRAUD
garyneal; you got a lot of great advice in this thread and at least half of the posters on this thread have grown a backbone but 5 pages AND YOUR ANSWERS don't show me you have grown a backbone. so your wife says to stop hand give someone a battery boost or help change a flat tire... SO WHAT lots of people do that. or teachers buy school supplies from thier pocket. I know lots of school teachers that do this that are not jw's? and your point is? your wife is just like WORLDLY PEOPLE none of your answers PROVE THE WTS is not trying to destroy your family.. your losing the whole point of 5 pages of x jw's trying to help you. the point is help your family before the wt destroys what you have . and your playing games on this board ,while the wt is destroying your wife and kids. they move fast they have a 6 month program to brainwash a new comer. ask around here it's true. did you tell your wife your not letting your little girl go to the hall any longer? did you tell her no more wt book /mag's around the house anylonger? did you ask the jw's why they prophecied the end of the world some 30-40 times in the last 130 years? ask your wife how JEHOVAH BUILT THE PYRAMIDS IN EGYPT? HOW THE WTS SAID ALL COLORED PEOPLE WERE GOING TO TURN WHITE AFTER THE BIG A. WHY THE WT TOLD JW'S FROM 1925 TO 1953 NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN TILL AFTER THE WORLD ENDS, WHY TILL THE 1960'S THE WTS TOLD JW'S NOT TO HAVE VACCANATIONS, HOW SATAN CREATED ALUMINUM FOIL. HOW HITLER WAS GOING TO TAKE OVER THE UNITED STATES BEFORE ARMAGGEDON? HOW THERE IS NO SUCH THING A GREMS THAT CAUSE DESEASE? HOW SATAN CREATED PASTURIZED MILK? hOW THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS RABIES. HOW ANY CHRISTIAN WOULD RATHER HAVE SMALL POX THAN A VACCANATION. HOW MODERN MEDICINE IS NOTHING MORE THAN ANCIENT EGYPTIAN MAGIC?HOW JEHOVAH TRANSPORTED ALL THE DINOSAURS TO THE PLANET VENUS TO LIVE IN PARADISE? HOW THERE IS NO SUCH THING CALLED GRAVITY? i'M GETTING BORED WITH YOU GARY...
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Balsam
I'm with blondie, what part of you being the head of the family doesn't she understand? JW's are always pushing women to be submissive to their husband and even to their worldly husband if they have one, in everything think and do. Out of respect for her you can stay off of the boards while she is at home and you need to spend time with her, but she is being unreasonable. Respect for any woman or man who is jealous of the children of another relationship should be questioned. That right there is a deal breaker. The fact she is chosing to be a JW could be a deal breaker too, its up to you if you want to listen her self serving opinion. I was glad to hear she backed off forcing you off of here. I'm a wife, mother, grandmother and she sounds pretty self centered. You might try to remind her your head of the household and Jehovah demands she allow you the same freedom she has in going to the Kingdom hall. Your not committing adultrey or talking to other women about sex so she is out of line. She is being coached by other Elders at the Kingdom hall it depends on their attitudes and thoughts in dealing with you her so called worldly husband. Love is very conditional for active witnesses.
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restrangled
Garyneal,
I haven't read all these pages, but this sentence in your original post really got to me:
"She got livid and demanded that I stop or else she is going to cut off the Internet service to our home."
Really? Now how would she accomplish that? Is it in her name? If it is, surely you could reset it up in your own name....she sounds like spoiled brat.
Tell her to get a life. You can be married and not connected by an umbilical cord. Get some breathing space, or get a divorce.
r.