Faders are indeed a very large doormat (page 5)

Gregor

Good point, Willy. But I think you are one of a small number of exceptions.

Quirky1

I don't think of faders being a doormat..especially if you are married to a devoted JW...you are still making a stand.

Open mind

"The way I am directing my blows is so as not to be striking the air."

There's no one right way. If you're psyche won't allow any level of discrete, behind-enemy-lines activity and you have to get out right away, so be it. There are benefits and consequences to that course.

By keeping my elder hat and doing the slow-drip method on my wife and children at a pace that my DFed older brother once described as "like watching a turtle on a glacier", my immediate family is now mentally free of JWism and the kids didn't get dunked. It took incredible patience and strength, much of which I got from interacting with others on this board. Without this board I don't think I would have been able to hang in there that long. We're still infrequent meeting attenders and turn in fake field service time. Our family is currently working on 5 other active JWs who are near and dear to us.

One price of this is compartmentalizing your honesty. That really sucks. But, so far, the ends have well justified the means, IMO. If you want to speak in military terms, I think one of the most potent weapons against the Watchtower, aside from the Internet, is an apostate elder, CO, DO or GB member.

om

noni1974

I'm not a fader but I wish I was. I wish I could have left with my family still talking to me. I wish I could have my family in my life and tell them things I'm proud of. I wish I could have just stopped going to meeting without tkaing any formal steps. But I could not.

I DA ed because I knew with my nosy family I would one day get DF ed anyway, and I would be expected to act like a JW for the rest of my life, because if my family got wind that I was dating a non believer, or anything else against the rules, they would be the first to turn me in. My own mother proved that by turning me in when I had a private talk with her about my wish to leave. All I really wanted was a break to see if I really deep down believed it or not. Being forced fed from infancy as a born in 4th generation leaves you no choices. So I DA ed. It was the only way of gaining my freedom. I would do it over agin if I had to.

I miss my family to an extent. I don't miss them being in my business, but I miss being able to call them up and see how they are doing. I at the very least still have my parents. Most people in my situation don't even have that.

I don't hold anything against anyone. Everyone had their own jorney in life and I can't apply my own life experiances to anyone elses. I'm not a raging apostate hell bent on bringing mother down. I'm a person who left a religion and way of life that wasn't right for me. I do think JW's are a cult but I don't think it's my job to open anyone elses eyes. I believe we all have to learn for ourselves. Ripping someones faith away from they may not be the best thing for them. I do hope that oneday my family will exit the cult. I don't count on it and I've moved on with my life. But I do have hope.

daniel-p

Moshe: Without trying to "hit back," I'd say that leaving the witnesses is a process, and some people need to take longer than others. For some, relationships are more valuable than outward displays of disbelief.

I don't think its loving to pass judgment on how other people choose to manage their own exit from the JWs. Not only is it unloving, it reveals an obtuseness of character, where you think everyone can just simply do the same thing, not accounting for circumstances, personalities, strengths, and valuation.

Girlie

You are also under the assumption that all faders are on the same level of exiting this religion. Many have their reasons for why they choose to stay in the background and remain silent. There are some, like myself, who are newly fading and still trying to grasp the enormity of truth about the "truth". Others have family in and don't want to sever the ties. Some are just content not being under the radar of the borg. Different strokes for different folks. Instead of assuming a fader has a personal obligation to warn the public, give them a chance to resolve in their mind, heart and soul exactly what and where they wish to be.

Mad Sweeney

Uber-Dub, Faded, DA'd, DF'd - apparently being critical and judgmental isn't exclusive to any one group.

Mickey mouse

Until someone lives in my shoes and deals with what I deal with...things that I have never bitched about on this board, they have no concept of just how hard it is to go through what I have gone through...what I am going through.

So let's keep the insults to ourselves and focus on the important thing: how to escape the cult or help others to escape the cult.

Undercover nailed it.

moshe

I am not surprised the comments are against my topic. I have learned a lot over the years about the reasons faders use to explain their extended fade.. People ask what does it mean to be a fader? The word "fader", as the term has been adopted by ex-JW's, has no official definition. So like the WT's word, prophetical , it can mean anything to anyone. Just how long can you be a fader? I guess it can be an unlimited amount of time, if you have the stomach for it, but at some point , it's more like being a skulker, as was mentioned, than fading. How anyone can stand being an extended fader and being an elder is beyond me.

The fader stories I read on JW-net have a common theme, in that faders want to avoid unpleasant consequences-ie, "reaping what you sow" for being in a cult religion consequences-- -In short, lots of personal reasons-- "me", reasons. That's a fine thing to do, the majority concensus seems to be here. It's OK be a closet ex-JW and be a doormat , too, when the elders or JW family ask why you have missed meetings, where is your time for the month, etc., just give excuses, be obtuse, delay, delay, duck and hide when faced with telling the truth. So, go ahead and keep on fading to time indefinite, if personal character, honesty and honor are not important for you. To thine own self be true, does not apply.

metatron

Make no mistake about it, this is war against a sick cult that took our best years and wrecked our families. The only question remaining is what is the most effective way to combat the Watchtower?

I hold that fading is most effective. I hold that a direct assault like DA'ing yourself is mostly ineffective. A steady guerrilla war drains them as with any centralized oppressive power. Drain them. Chip away at them. Erode their authority. That's the way that works because it "flies under the radar" of their simple-minded view of things. If you disassociate yourself, you are a labeled enemy who will never be spoken to.

If you are a fader, they bump into you at the mall or work and you're all smiles and "How's it going?" and they observe that lightning has not struck you!

The path to victory requires patience but the progress is steady. Never doubt that they are losing the war.

metatron

Faders are indeed a very large doormat

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