The brothers met with me within a couple of weeks of receiving my letter. They read me scriptures to show that Abraham as good as offered his son (in sacrifice) but I pointed out that Jehovah not Abraham was in question. Jehovah'sinstruction to Abraham was the question. Nothing from one end of the scriptures to the other contradicted the idea that Jehovah did not command his friend to do what what God said he abhorred. The question was the Literature vs. the Bible.
One brother warned me against the temptation to pride. I acknowledged that consideration, but told him that the temptation to cowardice was more my problem. This brother said that he too had found this story of God telling Abraham to kill Isaac a difficult matter at one time but he had gotten past it. I told them that the account in My Book of Bible Stories was inaccurate and horrible. It misrepresented Jehovah. I could not read it to children or even adults. I asked if I might simply state when the subject came up that the Bible's wording allowed for an understanding of the test that was not only truer to the text but truer to Jehovah's character. Not that I judge his character. Jehovah himself AND Jesus set the standards for their own conduct, not I. This made using the Bible's words absolutely imperative. The three brothers said they would take the matter to the C.O. when he arrived that month. When I asked point-blank from which book I should teach "the Test" , the Bible or the Literature, the brother who had gotten over his own problems with Gen.22 laid his hand on My Book of Bible Stories and said "This one." I asked another if that were his judgement. He didn't answer.
When the C.O. arrived he gave me short shrift after the Thursday night meeting. I could understand. He had been sick and was very tired. He was new to our congregation and I was just a cranky, gratuitous problem. When I asked an elder if the C.O. was going to meet with me the brother said,"He doesn't have time in the schedule but why don't you go and talk to him now."
The elders were stand-offish since meeting about the letter. There was no after-the-meeting warmth. I was alone. I introduced myself and said that the I was the sister who had written a letter on the matter of Genesis22. Had he read the letter? "Not all of it, but can I ask you sister--- who is the Faithful and Discreet Slave?" I told him I knew. "So, What's your problem?" I expressed a word or two and he repeated his question about the FDS. I answered as before. Finally he said,"If you know who the FDS is and there is a problem, then who has the problem?" Now I had to say to him, " Brother, I was raised a Catholic. When you say a thing like that it raises a red flag for me." He was exasperated and started to leave telling me that this was not an appropriate setting for such a an exchange, but paused to ask me why I had not sent the matter to the Branch as a "Question from readers". Then I knew I was really in the soup. " I didn't send it in, brother, because it isn't a question."
He told me that he would meet with the elders to advise them what to do about me. I can't remember who of the brothers asked me not to discuss it with the friends, but I had not and did not.
Meetings were intolerable under this ban. It was traumatic to find myself without the same freedom as before within my own brotherhood. On my way to meeting one day I just pulled off the road. It impossible to continue. I stopped answering my phone except on calls I knew were not from the brothers and sisters. I did not find anything but misery in the meetings. I would wait for Jehovah to free my tongue.
Brothers met with me again after the Memorial. The brother who had told me to use the literature in the matter rather than to instruct from the Bible gave the Memorial talk. And so I knew I would have to wait on God.
Since I had always been regular at meetings there were questions. It was assumed that my son's DFing had stumbled me. Was my job okay? A former P.O. stopped in after work one day because friends in my old congregation had heard that I was not at the convention last summer. I told him that I was not free to talk. I assured him that it was no small matter but one that touched on what it meant to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Four sisters called on me individually. They had the best hearts and the truest concern. But we couldn't talk.
There was another meeting with two senior elders and for the first time one of them invited the reading from the Insight book on Jephthah's vow that I had hoped they would see as the reasonable avenue to my understanding of Genesis 22. The oldest one was impervious to the very reasoning that the society set out that was in no way different from my own. But the discussion never got off the ground.Mor than anything else they wanted me to admit that everything of the truth that I knew I had learned through the FDS. I told them that I would be a liar if I said so. I had known that the test of Abraham was as I had experienced it myself before I had ever met or heard of Jehovah's Witnesses, and having prayed and researched it these many years I knew it to be in perfect harmony with the scriptures. They assured me that they were not thinking badly of me butnot knowing what else to say what did I intend to do?
I told them I would write the Branch and plea for my conscience and God's honor.
I mailed the letter May 27, 2009. Brothers met with me at my apartment twice more. As time went on they wondered about the letter I had sent so I gave them a copy and had asked the Branch to send them a copy of their response to me. Time went on. They actually called the branch themselves to see if the letter had been received. The Branch told them to encourage me to resume meetings while they prepared a response. I respectfully declined until I was free to talk.
August 31 a thick envelope from Patterson , NY arrived. I felt sick and happy at the same time. I read and reread the contents. Some of it was irritating, and part of it made me laugh. Nothing in it was persuasive or particularly respectful. Nothing felt holy in the content. It was very disappointing on one hand because I still had no clear path to follow. One thing was clear however, the Society considered the matter closed and any further issues that the letter didn't resolve should be taken up with my elders again. And that failing I was to read a back issue Watchtower "Do you tend to be stumbled?" End of conversation.
The brothers met with me once more on October 11, 2009 and we had a very honest, searching conversation notwithstanding it began withasking whether or not I had been talking to anyone about the matter. I told them I had not spoken to any of the congregation but I was ever free and had spoken as freely as ever to anyone else. They read scripture from Titus 3:8-10. I assured them that I was not in the least interested in disturbing anyone's faith as I had a real care for my own. In fact, so little was I interested instarting my own sect or group or religion that I was resolved that if i had learne anything from the example of Abraham it was that the only true religion was no religion at all. Again they expressed there desire that I rejoin the meetings. Again I left without a clear way. But promised that I would let them know if I began to get "rowdy" but told them I would not be silent forever.
I sent a letter of disassociation to them on March 10, 2010.
Words cannot describe the relief. I do not feel the weight of Jehovah's displeasure at all. I feel warmth and a light that gets brighter every day.
Maeve
