Elder called last night and they are stopping by tonite for a 'visit'.......

by troubled mind 82 Replies latest jw friends

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    Surprised me that he actually followed up on his word and called . It will be strange after four yrs. to have them in our house .My husband was not happy to hear it will be two Brothers coming over, because he really does not want to feel we are being counseled . I told him we have the right to set the limits on what is discussed and I said I would try to play nice (to an extent )

    The call prompted a good discussion with my husband though . I was able to really open up to him about my feelings and disbeliefs of the Society . I was concerned that they would be able to guilt him back into association . He finally opened up to me his feelings ,basically he said what would be the point of going back, they have already proven themselves to be conditional friends. He realizes you can only be accepted if you fit the mold of at least 10 hours of service time ,doesn't matter if you have a good heart or are a descent person you just have to fit the mold .

    He confessed he is very lonely for friendship all he has is aquantinces, and it is making him feel down . I suggested we try ex-jw meetups and I think he is interested, so we are going to try this summer to make it to some Chicago meetups. I also read him a few posts from here about how others view friendships and he is not alone in his feelings .

    I am going to try and keep the subject on the point I had to quit for my own mental and emotional well being and I will never go back to feeling like I did under Watchtower pressure .

    Wish me luck ,I may need it .......and I will let you know how it goes

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    I'm curious about why you've agreed to meet with them? You are under absolutely NO obligation to do so. Your private life is your own and they have NO right to interfere in it. They're only coming to judge you and determine whether you have potential for re-recruitment or whether you need to be DFd. Either way, they will expect YOU to conform to THEIR views on how to live your life.

    I wouldn't let them in. At all. Ever.

  • QuestioningEverything
    QuestioningEverything

    Good Luck! If it was me-I would not meet with them, but I wish you and your husband well.

  • Heartbreaker
    Heartbreaker

    I agree with Sweeney. I do however know you want to get a few things off your chest, and may feel better being able to express these things to them. I'm not sure if at this point it will do much good to temper what you say, I think that their visit is a sniffing out as to what they should do with you, and by meeting, you are opening that door. Maybe deep down thats what you are ready for? Good luck either way, and I'll be checking back to see the result.

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    The benefit of them meeting you at your house is that you can terminate the meeting at any time.

    Remember, the elders only have the power that you give them. Deny them having any power over you, and they are nothing more than mere men.

  • Heaven
    Heaven

    Good luck, troubled mind.

    I have to agree with Mad Sweeney too. If you have no intentions of going back then to me, this meeting is a complete waste of your time. Now that I'm getting older, my time is getting more and more precious to me. I'd rather change the tires on my jeep or wash my hair than meet with these guys.

  • zombie dub
    zombie dub

    why bother? if you don't intend to go back it's all a waste of time surely?

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    We will look for you all at the Chicago meetups.

    I suppose it would be rude to cancel, but have you considered that once your husband opened up about his feelings, there isn't much point in meeting with two elders?

    Oh, and I disagree with the "advantage" of meeting in your own home. If I met with elders, it would be someplace I felt free to leave at anytime. It's easier to walk away, just saying "I gotta go," than insist that someone else do so.

  • man in black
    man in black

    Troubled Mind :

    Wow, that is quite a situation to be in ! I hope that the meeting will not sway your husband back to the influence of the WT.

    personally, I felt that I had to write a letter and DA myself in order to put a brake on the sheperding calls, once I clearly saw how conditional

    friendship, and any relationship was at the hall I had no doubt or regret about writing that letter.

    And yes, there are times when i feel pretty lonely, but I do my best to get involved in something else that is worthwhile, and constructive, that really helps me get over the hump. P'lus I notice that as time goes by I see how staying in this religion allows Dysfuncional relationships to flourish

    and people really dont move forward, it's more like walking on a treadmill that is continually speeding up. It takes time and effort on the part of the person who is leaving to remodel their personality, It is not going to be greatly improved for some time,

    I've been out for 1.5 years, and in many areas I have gotten better, but in some it's more of an effort.

    Are many members of your family JW's ? That could be a major problem.

    And I also have enrolled in several groups of ex-JW's in the Chicago area, haven't been to any meetups yet but am looking forward to attending

    one when it is in my area.

    Hopefully I'll meet the both of you sometime soon !

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    And I also have enrolled in several groups of ex-JW's in the Chicago area, haven't been to any meetups yet but am looking forward to attending

    one when it is in my area.

    Send me a PM and tell me what your "area" is.

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