I know of other situations like that, mine for one. My husband was beating me very badly, and all the brothers were concerned with was the fact that I had smoked a cigarette. They offered absolutely no help, and they did NOT mention leaving him as an option. It was so sick, I could swear that at least one of them gained pleasure from knowing he was beating me. I think that all of them felt that he was well within his rights to do it.
Profoundly Shock, Sadening and Traumatic Account of Mary Aguilar
by Scott77 50 Replies latest jw experiences
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Quillsky
Jamie and its_me, thanks for sharing your stories.....
Saying things like "poor me doesn't work for me" only reinforces the victim's learned helplessness, because she is being attacked for being attacked
..... but don't you see that allowing/agreeing with a "poor me" attitude actually reinforces the "victim's" learned helplessness?
I get the point that shelters for abused women are necessary because some men ARE truly dangerous. But every abused woman has to ask, why am I allowing this to happen? What is it about ME that makes him do this? And no, the answer isn't "because you're worthless", which is what he's trying to tell you by his behavior. The simple answer is "because you allow it".
It's called taking responsibility. (Which includes saying "fuck the elders.") It's the first step to getting out, the first step towards stopping permitting the insane treatment of your body or your mind.
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peaches
the advice to JUST LEAVE...is like telling an alcoholic to just quit drinking.....Unless you have lived it,,,,you simply do not understand the tremendous psych....damage...Whats wrong with you???? why don't you just leave??? two of the cruelist statements an individual can make...the following is a story that was shared out in field service one day by publishers working unassigned territory...
this is second hand knowledge,,but...i NEVER got over it.....
a sister lived in an abusive situation...she had children....i guess it was beyond horrendous.....she had gone to the elders many times for help,,suggestions..etc etc...her husband was NOT a witness,,,,evidently the advice she got from the elders was to "stay" with him...become a christan examlple.....keep reproach from jehovahs organization.....etc
the kids and her went to thursday night meeting....when she got home,,,,her husband started on her....she mentally broke.....got a gun and shot him..he died....the worldily courts found her innocent i guess due to the extreme abusive...the witnesses disfellowshipped her for 5 years...
however,,,she went to meetings and was reinstated....shortly after being reinstated,,,,her son drowned....people said it was gods way of letting her know death of a loved one...as what her husbands family went through....
my feeling...the elders in that congregation were nuts...had their been different elders with some common sense,,,this whole situation might have turned out so differently.....but you all know...OBEDIENCE IS THEIR GOD,,,NOT JEHOVAH
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dissed
My experience with the JW's is that there is a subtle predjudice toward the treatment of battered women. The Elders would never think themselves to be predjudice, but many of them are.
An example of what I mean. When a MS, I heard this from a respected Elder. We were doing goodwill visits one evening. On one arranged visit, we found a sister home alone, the brother had left. She mentioned he was abusive and had struck her and wanted to know what to do, go to the police, etc....
He told her, it would be good NOT to go to the police, it could be handled within. (making her feel guilty not to bring reproach on JG's org.)
He tried to consol her, but mentioned to her how sisters with unbelieving husbands endure many more hardships, so why can't she? She could 'win him over' by her conduct. (wasn't he a JW already?)
Also, this is the worst point he made and shows more than subtle predjudice I felt. "Did you do something to cause this to happen to yourself?" Sure, she felt she was being smart with him, which caused him to slap her. (its now her fault)
Now in the car, the Elder showed to me he was very upset with the abusive JW and said he would be taken care of. In fact, he told me "he wished the WTS would allow him to beat this coward silly" He really felt for the sister, but his WTS training of 'keep it under wraps' and produce guilt to the victim was wrong.
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Quillsky
the advice to JUST LEAVE...is like telling an alcoholic to just quit drinking
But hang on..... isn't quitting drinking exactly what an alcoholic should be doing??
Nobody said it has to be easy to take responsibility for your own life. But it's the right thing to do.
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SirNose586
These stories are so extreme that they're almost hard to believe. I only say that because my natural inclination would be to help out whomever is in trouble, and to see people abdicate that inclination to serve WT policy just seems so unnatural to me. But such is the nature of WT mind control, I suppose.
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peaches
quillsky......you did not understand what i meant.....it can take months,,,,maybe even years to leave....(quit drinking)....most people require alot of help...mentally,,,financially,,,physically....etc..etc....how much worse if your a witness??? it is not a simple as "just leave" or "just quit" drinking...
anybody that works with this type of individual,,,,could tell you the failure rate of both....people go back to the abuse,,,,people go back to the drinking......they are classified as both a mental illness,,and physical illness....
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MsDucky
quillsky......you did not understand what i meant.....it can take months,,,,maybe even years to leave....(quit drinking)....most people require alot of help...mentally,,,financially,,,physically....etc..etc....how much worse if your a witness??? it is not a simple as "just leave" or "just quit" drinking...
anybody that works with this type of individual,,,,could tell you the failure rate of both....people go back to the abuse,,,,people go back to the drinking......they are classified as both a mental illness,,and physical illness....
I agree with you, Peaches. There's a lot more psychological workings going on that have to be repaired, as well as, other things (kids, finances, home, etc...). Just saying "Leave" isn't going to register with most people in this type of situation.
I just had to say that I disagree with Quillsky. I'm not much for posting and arguing with people lately. It just seems like a waste of time.
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mindmelda
If you're a Witness, you cannot just walk away from marriage without some congregational consequence. They don't allow it because they monitor your marriage and your sexual behavior constantly.
No matter how abusive it is, if you walk away, you will constantly be scrutinized as a potential adulterer. Witnesses cannot accept that they have almost as high of a divorce rate as "the world" and will do anything not to "bring reproach upon Jehovah and the congregation" translated as, "Cover this up, it's making us look bad and Jehovah and the elders don't like it when we look bad."
That mentality permeates the Witness universe because they have to give the appearance that all is wonderful in the touted spiritual paradise of Witness land. It's a terrible pressure I've seen a good many Witnesses burn out or crack entirely over.
Its the same bullshit mentality that causes them to cover up pedophile elders, domestic abuse, alcoholism and depression and god knows what else.
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dgp
Marked.