Say Its Not So.......
I understand ......3600+ views is a bit daunting
Like I said..... why not consider starting a thread for each of your issues/doubts, one at a time.
We can discuss them one by one.......... rationally. We can provide you with WT material showing you the beginings or development of many interpretations.
......or you can PM me or another who you feel you can talk to in confidence......
(click on our usernames and choose the option from the upper tool bar to 'send message'--- you can check your PMs by clicking on your envelope next to your username in the right hand corner---- if you get an 'error' message when trying to read a message-- click the 'back' button and than re-click on the message)
Really all any of us wanna do is help you.......