"I am waiting for you to provide urgent information that can materially affect my life: the names of the people and the statements made about me that have caused you to doubt me and threaten to withdraw your association.
Without this information, how can I confirm or deny what is being said about me?
These malicious rumours are damaging me in my social circle, as your statements above display--you demand I confirm or deny these rumours and if I do not, you will discontinue associating with me, taking that as a silent confirmation of truth to the malicious rumours. This only shows the extent of the damage already done by the rumours--you are ready to believe, with no evidence, that they are true, if I do not respond to the accusations.
""
This is exactly what I said to the elder I met with bringing a family member along who had heard the "rumors." Matthew 18 had not taken place and it was not a df'ing offense. In the end, I remember if family members and "friends" believed the lies without approaching me with the details and encouraging the talebearers to approach me first, that they are deeply flawed already.