Family is gossiping about me, and then I get a letter

by nextdoorgirl 82 Replies latest watchtower bible

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  cognizant dissident

  While I sympathize with you being the victim of gossip, I don't believe you have any case for defamation of character.

  First of all, it does matter if what was said was true or not. If someone makes a true statement about you, (for instance that you are a child molestor) and you ARE a convicted child molestor, you could not sue for defamation of character, even if the whole world shunned you because of it. Statements made about you must be FALSE to constitute defamation of character (at least in Canada, where I live).

  So, if what they said about you was that you are no longer a practicing JW, and that is true, then you have no case. Statements that you are spiritually weak, are subjective opinion and not provable either way, so again, you cannot make a case on those alone.

  Also, you must know specifically what was said, and have witnesses willing to testify that they heard those things said about you. You then must prove that you were materially damaged in some way. Job loss, business damaged, illness from extreme emotional distress, etc.

  It would be difficult for you to get pain and suffering for alienation of affection from your family and old friends, because, as you yourself admitted, you had already stopped associating with them even before words were said. It was you stopping associatingwith JW's that caused them to talk about you. So you cannot show that the gossip rifted any close relationships that were not already rifted. Even if you could, acquaintances at a KH are not close enough relationships that you would be considered damaged by the loss of them.

  While I agree that JW gossipers are mean-spirited, you really have no legal case. I think you should move on. Living well is the best revenge.
• 

  nextdoorgirl

  Perhaps you are right, about letting it go, Cognizant Dissident. Though, I DO know that what I said was correct. It does not HAVE to be based on falsehoods, it can be true. For ex: let's say I am a chef in a restaurant, and I have aids. Somehow, it gets out that I have aids, let's say by a food reporter who writes an article about my restuarant saying, "Don't worry about the AIDS, the food's GREAT!" And suddenly I notice a drop off in customers. This person has spoken TRUTH, but they defamed my character in a social setting and it has materially damaged me.

  And there are many other examples as well, such as politicians and celebreties suing for exposure of some truth by the media. It can be true, but it can also harm their reputation.

  Ynot, please give me some ideas! The family vultures are contacting me. To "save" me, or "sniff me out" surely!!! Why do they have to proactively APPOINT themselves as the cleaners of God's organization? Why are they like eager to play Grim Reaper, come and kill me with their scicle and bury the dead?
• 

  White Dove

  Actually, if it was me, I'd give the lot of them a huge kiss off.

  I would not want to have anything at all to do with them.

  They do not have your good will and health in mind when they are doing these things.

  I've given kiss offs to a few people in my life through the years.

  They were poison friends and were out to destroy me.

  Fluck 'em and move on.

  This kind of thing will most likely happen again with another person or set of people sometime in the future.

  It did with me, but now I know how to recognize poison when I see it.

  This site helped me to figure it out and get my mind unscrambled.

  Poison comes and goes through out life.

  The trick is recognizing it for what it is and before you invest too much of yourself in them.

  Family, too. Gotta know when to call it quits or take a break from them for a while.

  So, fluck 'em and move on.

  The best revenge is living well.

  Next time this happens to me, again, I'm going to ask the seeming innocent person who confronted me about this gossip if s/he believes it or not. If so, I'll drop them as a friend.

  Are they going to support me in getting this stopped? If not, I'm going to drop them.

  I won't lecture them or question them beyond those words. They will have already proven their mettle with me.
• 

  White Dove

  I have found that if truth really is on my side, it will be proven out with time.

  Truth always proves out, eventually.

  Just ride it out and it will all blow over.

  Life is always in flux.

  They will find someone more interesting to pick on if you just ignore them.
• 

  nextdoorgirl

  Next time this happens to me, again, I'm going to ask the seeming innocent person who confronted me about this gossip if s/he believes it or not. If so, I'll drop them as a friend.

  Are they going to support me in getting this stopped? If not, I'm going to drop them.

  I won't lecture them or question them beyond those words. They will have already proven their mettle with me.

  Great words, WhiteDove. I wish I had done what you suggest---ooh, how powerful it would be!
• 

  White Dove

  Actually, I just learned this because of the poisoned friend that I moved in with last Christmas Eve.

  She was over the top, Jerry Springer star material.

  She acted exactly in private and in public how those women act on that show, just without the stripping.

  It was so unreal that I couldn't believe it.

  I cut her out of my life completely and forever as soon as I realized just what it was.

  There are just so many people in the world that it makes hanging on to poisonous ones unreasonable.

  There will be other times, other friends.

  You'll be fine.

  I'd cut off the contact with all who you believe are involved (after contacting them and sniffing out the rats, of course) at least for a while and let the dust settle.

  I moved 3,000 miles away from my home town just to have a fresh start and some privacy. It worked wonders.
• 

  Mad Sweeney

  You rock, nextdoorgirl!

  Here's one for the "loving friends" in the Borg:

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUxFg4auJm0
• 

  notverylikely

  Defamation of character is based on damage, not accuracy of information. It doesn't matter if it was true, or believed to be true, false, intentional or non-intentional. It doesn't matter if it was based in love or concern, or out of maliciousness.

  You would spend a lot of money and have no money, no restaurant and no customers in the end. In the example you pulled off the internet, truthfulness of the statement isn't ALWAYS a factor, but it is generally a huge one. In your specific case, you have no idea who said what. You can't show that you suffered materially.

  Another huge is that this is specifically related to church matters, especially if a DF happens. People have tried and tried before. Consistently courts have refused to get involved in internal church matters.
• 

  notverylikely

  Oh, and...

  If I notice a trend that people have withdrawn from me, I have evidence of harmful gossip.

  They could just as easily say you started being a jerk.
• 

  nextdoorgirl

  WOWWW!!! MadSweeney! That song was AWESOME, Awesome, A-W-E-SOME!!!

  Thank you for a perfect song to cheer me up, validate me, and perfectly express how I feel about these bitches!!!

  Thank you so much!!

  Can you send me the link for that song? I intend to send it.