Help me...

by rafreuter 53 Replies latest jw experiences

  • nelly136
    nelly136

    aww bless, at least give em time to decorate your room ;)

    i left home about the same age (stuff thrown up the garden), it can and will get easier if you give it time, and yup everything will be

    different from here on in and i wont even attempt to kid you its going to be easy, cos it isnt.

    if you put a month limit on yourself youre not giving yourself time to adjust, if you go back with your tail between your legs you may find there are conditions to what you have to do to be allowed back, eg forget college, go pioneering...'throw yourself into it fully'....re-earn trust thats not going to be forthcoming blah blah

    you can either face it optimistically like a whole new adventure, or be defeated before youre off the block, only you can decide what you really want.

  • Cadellin
    Cadellin

    Raf: Leaving a religion that you've grown up in, especially one as high-control as the WT, is a traumatic experience. Add a coming out to the mix and you've got a recipe for significant emotional and mental stress. Here are a few suggestions:

    1. Get professional counselling. If you're in a public/state college, your tuition pays for an on-campus (read free or low-fee) counselling service. Take advantage of it.

    2. Have you read Ray Franz's Crisis of Conscience? Or Hassan's book on leaving a cult (can't think of the title at the moment--someone help me out)? You'll find that your feelings are shared by almost everyone who leaves. As tec said, you're in mourning for one of the key parts of your life. But it WILL get better, as LL noted.

    3. Get busy reading the experiences of other posters here. You'll find that we all have analogous experiences in some way or another. You're not alone!!

    4. Give yourself time...That's tough for someone still in their teens, especially when you've got the tremendous emotional pull from your parents, who undoubtedly love you. Try to make it clear that your love for them hasn't changed--As you know, JWs mix up love for the org with just about everything else--love for family, for God, etc. You need to parse out these things as separate, unrelated feeings.

    I hope this makes sense. My heart goes out to you...it's tough, but you WILL get through it.

  • notverylikely
    notverylikely

    A month? Give it a year. You're 18, a month is no time at all.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Great!

    It's in the mail [pm].

    CC

  • Little Imp
    Little Imp

    Welcome I think you have made another great move since moving out and that is enrolling on this site. For me, it is the final stage of our (husband and me) healing but I know it would have helped so much more if I had discovered this site sooner.

    I have read many, many stories and advice on all sorts of things relating to (ex)witnesses which I only wished I had known sooner.

    My husband was always treated like a leper in our KH. Therefore, when I started attending with him when I met him in 2003 I thought it was because of me but he assured me he had always been treated like that. It seemed like everyone else there was in the "in" crowd but since reading posts on this site it seems rarer to be one of the "in crowd" than I thought.

    Please keep your chin up and talk to all your new friends on this site

    LI

  • PrimateDave
    PrimateDave

    You also need to give your parents time to adjust. In time you may find them willing to have a relationship with you on your own terms. Going back now gives them license to set the terms for you. It shouldn't have to be like that, but there it is. Above all things, be true to who you really are because a life wasted pretending to be something you're not is, well, a life wasted.

  • Cook My Socks UK
    Cook My Socks UK

    Ok, After reading this I'm gonna stick my neck out - I know that I will get slated for this but what the hell, it's a free forum? We don't just give opinions that please?

    "The WT are homophobic"

    Actually so is the bible(if you go by it)? God made Adam and Eve and not Adam and Steve and the rest of the puns. One of the biggest mistakes that any religion makes today is that God is ok with being Gay - he's not!

    Now ok, just because it's my opinion doesn't make it right in the eyes of others. I know that.

    I ask you though raf, what do you wan't cuz It's there for the taking. Change? Be honest to yourself and loose whatever? Be a bit devious and have the best of both worlds? (if that is your view).

    My advice - No man can judge you whatever you decide, have everythingthing that you want and then meet your maker.

    Again, sorry if I come across as a homophobe(I prob am) but at least I have an "each to his own attitude" and not afraid to say it!!!

  • ProdigalSon
    ProdigalSon

    Raf, first of all, welcome. You are right in your assessment that homosexuality is not a choice. The Bible was written by men who had ideas about God, and they put their own emotions into His mind. Those emotions come from a place of ignorance, a misunderstanding of the grand scheme of things, which is the complete spiritual evolution of man. With each life that we experience, we grow, we evolve, we learn lessons that we take with us to the next life, where we can work on new challenges. We are all in this way contributing to the Book of Life. When it is finished, man will be reunited with his Creator, and we will all have had a part in it.

    That being said, and since this is such a delicate subject, please allow me to refer you to one of my favorite spiritual guides...

    QUESTION:Dear Kryon: Regarding homosexuality or transsexuals. WHY are they the way they are and WHY are they not accepted in mainstream society?

    ANSWER: [From the Kryon Office]
    There is often a tremendous amount of information on subjects that are not necessarily part of the on-line magazine Q&A database. Kryon has been channelling for fourteen years, with 9 books covering many, many topics. Homosexuality was one of them from the very beginning. Please see our "Books index page" for subjects contained in the Kryon books: [http://www.kryon.com/direct.html]

    An excerpt from Kryon Book 6, page 306

    Question from the book: Dear Kryon, I am gay, and an enlightened man. I live in an American society that barely tolerates me, and actually has some laws against my way of life. The church I used to belong to cast me out as being evil and anti-God. I don't feel that I am violating some Human ethic. My love is as true as any heterosexual, and I am a light worker. Tell me what I should know.

    Answer from the book: Dear one, less than two generations from now, there will be those who find this book and laugh at the quaintness of this very question. Before I answer, let me ask you and those reading this to examine a phenomenon about Human society and "God."

    Thirty years ago, interracial marriage was considered to be wrong by the laws of God. Now your society finds it common. The spiritual objections around it were either dropped or "rewritten" by those divinely inspired and authorized to do so. Therefore, your actual interpretations of the instructions from God changed with your society's tolerance level--an interesting thing, indeed, how the interpretations of God seem to change regularly to match a changing culture!

    The truth, of course, is that you find yourself in a situation that is known to create a test for you. Right now, in this time, you have agreed to come into your culture with an attribute that may alienate you from friends and religious followers. You have faced fear of rejection and have had to "swim upstream," so to speak, just as an everyday life occurrence. Your contract, therefore, has been set up well, and you are in the middle of it. Additionally, like so many like you, you have a divine interest in yourselves! You feel part of the spiritual family. What a dichotomy indeed, to be judged as evil by those who are the high spiritual leaders--interpreting God for today's culture.

    Now I say this: What is your intent? Is it to walk with love for all those around you and become an enlightened Human Being in this New Age? Is it to forgive those who see you as a spiritual blight on society? Can you have the kind of tolerance for them that they seem not to have for you? Can you overlook the fact that they freely quote their scriptures in order to condemn you, yet they don't seem to have the love tolerance that is the cornerstone of their own message?

    If the answer is yes, then there is nothing else you must do. Your INTENT is everything, and your life will be honored with peace over those who would cause unrest, and tolerance for the intolerable. Your sexual attributes are simply chemistry and setups within your DNA. They are given by agreement as gifts for you to experience in this life. Look on them in this fashion, and be comfortable with that fact that you are a perfect spiritual creation under God--loved beyond measure--just like all humans. But then you know that, don't you?

  • OUTLAW
    OUTLAW

    Food doesn't taste the same.....rafeuter

    A Roast Beef Sandwich walks into a Bar and says "Give me a Beer"..

    The Bartender says "I can`t..We don`t serve Food"..

    http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2009/07/27/alg_bartender.jpg

    ........................ ...OUTLAW

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    Great to have you aboard R....Dont beat yourself up. I suggest you read the book "JIM" By June Caldwell.
    I have many gay & lesbians that have got in touch with me since my support group started.
    My grand daughter also came out of the closet. Did I shun her NOT!!!! You see Jesus told us to love one
    another ....as for the folks that judge anyone ,ask them what "sin" did they do????Because ALL of
    us not matter who we are ....have & will do something displeasing to our maker...I believe some
    are born gay,but my advice ( as granny on board) dont hop around with many.One in my support group has Aids
    & regrets MANY partners,Just as those who are straight do. Your not alone sweetie .My suggestion is NOT to return
    to the WT.folks will treat you badly....judging is a thing they do very well .Go to school educate yourself.18 is a baby
    in my old age( 83) YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!Stay aboard ,take no notice of the judgementals ,they are going to
    learn the way we are>>>>> judging is the way we will be judged.

    MOUTHY!!!!

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