Good question Serenity, and fair enough as well. I've got several reasons why I say. The most obvious is family and some close friends. Had my family been one of those families with a history of physical or verbal abuse, bad blood, and contention, it would be easy to walk. Fortunately, and unfortunately thats not the case. I love my parents and my siblings. They've all done quite a bit of good for me. It would hurt them tremendously for me to "leave Jehovah." My mother told me quite specifically that if I leave, she's "through with me." She stated, "It will kill your father. Me, I can handle losing you. I'll move on." Its nothing short of emotional extortion by a delusional JW whom I just happen to love dearly. To be fair, when she made those statements we were in the middle of a heated argument regarding "the truth." She got emotional because she realized I cornered her regarding "the Faithful and Discreet Slave." She had no legitimate comeback, and her being a 2nd generation JW Pioneer, it scared her I believe. I now argue more subtly to keep the peace and hopefully plant a seed. We still have a great relationship as I do with the rest of my family. I love them too much to cause that kind of division. I'll admit though somedays I wonder if my and others situation is what Jesus meant by His causing division in the family. Some religion, this Christianity huh?
I also have friends that I love and respect in the congregation. I know sometimes under duress I've posted on here that I could take em or leave em as if they were no big deal. Truth be told I love many of those in the congregation. Are there flawed people in the congregation and the organization? Of course, but you'll find that everywhere. Just because you leave JWs doesn't mean your grass is snake free and your plumbing will never need maitenance. I had to go to an Elder's meeting earlier this week, and I saw imperfect, flawed men who truly cared about the people in the congregation. Some of these men might be ambitious, and some of their personalities can be quite annoying. However, most if not all are genuinely concerned about the congregation. This Saturday I look forward to treating a shut in older one to lunch. That old fart can eat too. She's lost a touch of her memory, but her appetite is intact. She's thrilled when I make my way to the high rise she stays in, and not for the food. The elderly and shut in at our congregation recieve regular visits, and care. They're truly not forgotten about. I have to give credit to the imperfect men I serve with. My congregation has the typical pet peeves. Ya know, the gossip, cliques, cattiness, etc.. As an adult, I have to look beyond that. That kind of behavior can be found anywhere. To leave JWs because for those reasons I believe shows weakness in an adult. Not that I'm judging anybody's decision if it was for those reasons, cuz I've heard some horror stories. I know many of the horror stories on here are accurate depictions of some congregations. Me personally, if I left for those reasons considering the overall state of my congregation, it would be weakness on my part. It would be the equivalent of the child who takes his marbles and storms home.
The organization itself is a source of division within my heart. There's some days I can see good in this organization, and even believe its being used by Jesus. I believe its a fine thing for resources to be used teaching people about Jesus' life, his example, and what His death did for us. I also think its appropriate to use the Bible's record as a source to consider when making decisions in life. For the record I'm not one of those dudes that thinks the Bible is the word of God. I believe thats utter nonsense. I believe you can understand God and His laws and principles by examining the scriptures. Hence, when the WTS uses the scriptures in their literature to assist people in decision making, and even trying to make sense of the world we live in, I'm ok with that. Where the WTS loses me is the constant patting themselves on the back and criticizing every other faith out there. The WTS would like to envision itself as the Nike of organized religion. Rutherford's personality was strong enough that his stamp is still evident in the tone and atmosphere of the religion as a whole so long after his death. Part of why I stay is I'm hoping, and praying that personalities more in harmony with Christ will eventually triumph and overshadow Rutherford and his children's(Jaracz) legacy. I also hope and pray that down to earth personalities will eventually see the lunacy of Fred Franz and others teachings and start adopting the obvious meanings in the scriptures. Such as the other sheep, and the 144,000. I sort of get the feeling Fred Franz was one of those nuts at the bus stop that you made the mistake of making eye contact with, and you vowed never to make that mistake again. If his nephew and others were capable of seeing through his lunacy, I'm sure there has to be others.
One last thing I'm a true crime fan. I love reading about mobsters, gangsters and what not. I read an interview with John Greschner and Dallas Scott who were two AB members in a federal pen locked down like 23-24 hours a day. They discussed how they were able to maintain their sanity. They both agreed that the best way to do your time was to "beat the man." I'll copy and paste the paragraphs as I found it on another site, and I'm tired of typing. Been typing all day at work, and now on here. This is taken from a book called The Hot House.
"The best way to "do time", Scott and Greschner explained, was by "beating the man". Pour breakfast cereal in the sink in your cell, and water, and let it curdle for several days. It will become potent enough to get you drunk. You've just beat the man. Remove the thin steel wire from inside an eyeglass case and rub it against the bars. It will saw through them. You've just beat the man. Take the plastic wrap covering your food and roll it tight around a toothbrush. Heat it with matches until it becomes hard, and then spend several hours rubbing it against the floor, making its edges sharp. You've just made yourself a plastic knife and beat the man. All of these things have been done at Marion at one time or another, and just when guards were certain they ahd seen it all, convicts like Scott and Greschner would come up with proof that they hadn't.
Beating the man was lesson number one. Lesson two was to feed off the hate. "Anything they do that doesn't kill you in prison, should make you stronger." Scott explained. "The more they try to break you, the more you want to beat them." Pure, unadulturated hate could sustain a man for years."
This might sound crazy, but I view my life growing up as a JW as doing my time. I just didn't completely realize I was in prison until my mid twenties. I might do life, and again I know it sounds crazy but it motivates me. I don't contribute not one cent of my earnings to the WT anymore and its one of several ways I thumb my nose at them. I'm serving as an Elder, and I'm on here posting at an apostate website. I go out in service and I do genuinely try to see if I can offer encouragement to those who need it. At the same time however, I have absolutely no intention of trying to make a convert in field service. When the CO visits, I'm not taking him or his wife out to eat. I aint donating squat to any of his bills. The WTS can pay for the gas he burns in his brand new leased car. I'm not pioneering, I'm not encouraging anybody to pioneer. If someone in the hall ever asks me whether I regret anything in life, I'll tell them I regretted not going to college. I'm not disfellowshipping anybody. I'm reporting pedophiles to the proper authorities, after I beat the living snot out of them. There's a couple DFd people I converse with periodically. There's quite a few faders I talk with that don't know about my true beliefs and being on here. I blow off meetings and assemblies when I don't have any parts or anything to do. I leave early when bored. I might hit the gym during mid week meeting nights. Etc, etc.
I found that it is possible to live dual lives within the WT world. It can be done, and again call me crazy, but it motivates me to keep goin.