For those still in- why do you (really) stay, and what would it take for you to leave the org? (page 3)

snowbird

This thread is an eye-opener.

Wow, Misery.

That was powerful.

Syl

I don’t know how you guys do it. I can appreciate Misery’s wanting to help people, but people can be helped in other church groups, or in charity groups. There are soooo many volunteer groups that help the unfortunate. You don’t have to be a JW if you want to help people.

And as for close family being JWs, I understand that, as I was a 3 rd generation JW and I am the only one in my immediate family who has left. I am not df’d nor da’d, but so far I have successfully been able to leave and still keep ties with my family. It can be done, trust me.

The main reason I left – I can’t be a hypocrite. I can’t pretend to support an organisation that I don’t believe in, and behave as though I do. It’s morally wrong, and I don’t know how you guys do it.

stuckinamovement

MLE said "sort of get the feeling Fred Franz was one of those nuts at the bus stop that you made the mistake of making eye contact with, and you vowed never to make that mistake again."

LOL that is the best description of the man that I have ever heard.

Doubting Bro

MLE - very moving post. I understand what you're saying and I think more JWs do that passive aggressive form of protest than we think. There was a while that I felt reform was possible too. I would still like to see reform happen to prevent others from being harmed but I just don't see it. Teddy's iron fisted influence will last a long time. I think the reason they haven't put on additional GB members is that they're concerned they could upset the balance of power and want to be sure that those selected will reflect the hard line attitude of the current body. Just like when selecting a MS to promote to elder. You want to make sure that nothing will upset the ability of the BOE to "work together".

As for me, I know that every JW friend I have would drop me like a hot potato and I'm ok with that. I think growing up JW actually made me very cautious about forging strong relationships and trusting others. I always knew that if it my friendship would never be as important to any of those folks as obeying the organization. So, that's not what bothers me.

Losing my JW relatives would bother me more. However, losing my JW wife and being estranged from my kids is more unbearable to me than going to meetings. No religion is worth that to me. Proving them wrong just doesn't matter that much to me. Now, if there was a situation like blood that came up, then all bets are off. I won't allow someone to die over a man made rule that could change tomorrow.

If it were blood for me, I'm not sure what I would do. I'd rather not be around than to deal with losing my wife. Not sure if life would be worth living at that point.

What would it take for me to leave? If my wife said, I don't want to be a JW anymore, I would never set foot in a KH again. Nothing short of that.

Little Imp

In response to Doubting Bro a comment concerning blood

My daughter is a paed nurse and she has told me that in her experience JW parents always allow their/baby child to have a blood transfusion - they always "do what's necessary but just don't tell us".

Of course, JW mothers are loving and would do anything to save their child's life it is just that we hear about the fundamentalists who will allow their child to die for their faith.

It seems strange as most mothers would die themselves to save their child whereas the irony here is that often the child dies to save their mother's salvation - I just never got this.

Good luck everyone in your various stages of leaving - life definitely gets better.

However, we may not be home and dry yet. We have this year moved 150 miles away from the last KH we attended but when we last visited my husband's parents the wife of an elder from our old congregation telephoned so we are not sure if MIL is meddling again and getting him to send the local elders round to us here. We are waiting with bated breath.

cantleave

MLE - I read your post with much interest. I would have taken your stance, it would have been perfect. I would have kept my friends and maintained a social life at work. I envy you being able to live two lives so successfully.

The reason we left was because we did not want to be responsible for another generation, our kids, feeling guilt for being human. We wanted them to experience what their school mates do, parties and celebrations. We didn't want them to feel different because of man made cult rules.

We have lost so much by leaving, some of what has been lost makes me sad, but our children have gained, that brings more delight than I ever imagined.

Thank you for posting your position.

simon17

Its 100% family. They are a great family, very loving, know about my doubts and we discussed it very cordially and respectfully (albeit emotionally). They've supported me through 4 years of college and everything else in life. I go to the meetings and do not really listen. Sometimes I sit out of the way and just read something that I brough discreetly. Its not a terrible sacrifice to let them know "i'm still trying it their way."

They will not leave. One day I'm sure one of us will move away and then I'll hardly ever go. But if they are around, I'll put up the charade. I live on my own so basically the JW life only effects me 3x a week. At this happy medium they are saddened but content. They don't really ever try to engage me in a spiritual conversation and, in turn, I don't try to provoke them.

One thing I dont understand is people that are going like myself and are saying how they are "tortured being there and listening to their lies." Why are you listening? Can't you read something? Or bring a notepad and write.... anything (work, school, a story, baseball notes, etc). Jesus... I can't imagine actually sitting there and listening.

PSacramento

I echo what Sylvia and LWT said.

It is totally understandable how many stay because of family and my heart goes out to you, even though Jesus said that he would cause son to go against mather and such, itis far easier to read those passages then to implement them.

To turn our backs on those we love...I can't even imagine the pain and sorrow.

It breaks my heart to see that some have to lead a "double life". That it is those that KNOW what is wrong that have the greatest love is not surprising though, that this love makes them give so much of themselves just to be with their family is just...well...beyond words.

brotherdan

Pretty much everyone knows that I'm in ONLY for my family. But I plan to fade VERY soon now. We are going on vacation next week, and when we come back I'm going to break the news that I'm not going to attend the meetings anymore. Or at least, tell her that I need a "break". My hope is that she will eventually do the same and somehow see that although the organization may look good on the outside, it's rank, stinky, and rotting on the inside.

cskyjw.sun

i may have to leave if they catch me living a double life.Being marked will be unbearable

For those still in- why do you (really) stay, and what would it take for you to leave the org?