For those still in- why do you (really) stay, and what would it take for you to leave the org?

by serenitynow! 58 Replies latest jw friends

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  serenitynow!

  I feel that people may assume they'll get a certain reaction from JW family, and be surprised. I didn't know what might happen with my mom and sister. I even told them I don't even believe in god anymore- I wasn't planning on telling mommy that little tidbit. My mom actually took it pretty well. She's not happy about it (no good JW would be), but nothing has changed between us.

  Wasblind, I know it's every person's own choice, I just want to know why. You have no way of knowing this, but I have always been very interested in others (nosy ). I've been that way since childhood, so I ask alot of why questions.
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  wasblind

  Not nosey, Just inquisitive
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  Broken Promises

  I completely understand where Serenity is coming from. I, too, have no family to rely on, and have had to live life as an independent adult when many of my friends were still living at home and enjoying their early 20s.

  If you do it right, you can leave the WTS and still keep your family. Sure, you won’t have the same esteem in their eyes as you once did, but is that so important to you?

  Freedom is very sweet, and even more so when you leave the WTS and still keep your family. It can be done.
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  serenitynow!

  If you do it right, you can leave the WTS and still keep your family.

  Now Broken Promises please share how to do that. I just got lucky with my sis and mom, I had no real strategy . How do you manage to hang onto family and still be free?
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  Broken Promises

  There is not set formula, but basically you do the slow fade, to the point that people get used to not seeing you at the meetings or in field service.

  Keep your mouth shut. It’s hard to do, especially if you are angry at the WTS and its hurtful policies, but if you say too much that is negative, you will automatically be labeled an apostate.

  It’s best to ask open-ended questions, or just don’t say anything at all.

  Allow people think you are spiritually weak. You aren’t liable to anyone for your spirituality. It’s between you and God. Remind people of that if you need to.

  It won’t happen overnight. Your fade might take a year, or years. But it’s so worth it. The freedom to be yourself and to be honest in your life is a wonderful feeling.

  Leaving the WTS doesn’t have to mean being da’d or df’d. Take your time, don’t worry about what people think of you, and learn to live life on your own terms.

  It can be done.
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  serenitynow!

  Allow people think you are spiritually weak. You aren’t liable to anyone for your spirituality.

  Interesting. I never thought of that. I personally went with the "allow people to think that you're clinically depressed" strategy. Noone bothered me.

  I have learned so much on this site! I had honestly never heard the term "fade" or the concept of it. Some people have escaping from the WT down to a science.

  Keep your mouth shut.

  That is almost impossible for me.
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  Broken Promises

  Yes, using “depression” is a valid excuse. Because it was the truth in my case. Learning that something that had been such a huge part of my family’s heritage was just a lie, was traumatizing. It hurt me a great deal.

  If you put “fade/fading” into this site’s search engine, you should find many threads on the subject.

  For some, outright disassociating themselves is a clean break. For others, a slow fade is easier, especially if you want to be able to keep in touch with your family.
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  miseryloveselders

  Do either one of you look like Cheryl Burke or Eliza Dushku by any chance?
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  serenitynow!

  Who's Cheryl Burke?
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  wasblind

  On Dancing with the stars