Oh, man... I saw the title to this thread and thought it was an invitation to an event or something. I was all set to attend.
KIDDING! KIDDING!
*ducks for cover*
Child beating
by Quillsky 110 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
-
-
HintOfLime
I think a lot of parents use spanking because it is quick, and effective to a point. We evolved from animals, and our brain learns quick when an action causes an strong immediate positive or negative result. 'Pain' is something we evolved to learn from - it stimulates neurons in a very specific way and can immediately change the 'weight' of neural pathways. Pain results in a very specific type of behavioral training which is very strong.
If the result of an action is a negative consequence later on - there is a disconnect. The intellect may undestand the cause & effect, but the neurons are not trained. When neurons are trained - as soon as a child considers a behavior, the neurons scream 'don't do it!'. If only the intellect is aware, then the child must give thought to what they are about to do, and what happened in the long-run last time. If the child doesn't stop and carefully consider their actions (and they won't usually) they'll keep repeating the same behaviors. I think neural training can still be achieved, but it'll be a lot slower without pain as the motivator. There may be other ways to invoke a 'shock to the system' or 'all stop' sensation that would train the neurons.. have to think on that. Examining myself, I can spot behaviors that were both trained by a single painful or pleasurable event, as well as behaviors that were learned over time, and are just as automatic.
Parents that do choose to use physical pain to train their child should always stop to think about what they are about to do. It should not be automatic to just hit your child anytime they do the wrong thing or are embarassing you. When you cause pain, you are programming the neurons of the child. If you use that technique at the wrong time, it will be very difficult to unprogram. What is wrong for a child at 4 may be ok at 12. Spanking a child for drawing on a wall might be interpretted by the neurons as 'drawing = bad'.
While physical discipline can therefore be effective in creating that immediate 'no!' response in the brain - preventing the behavior from even being considered, I must also agree with the non-violent posters here. I think it's a serious double-standard, and while it may have been an effective tool for animals to learn to avoid life-threatening actions immediately - I think as sentient beings we should consider the negative, long-term effects to the intellect which are not so obvious, as well as the potential for accidental, often unknown, mis-training. I would hope we would want to evolve past violence - and what better place to start than at the beginning of life?
I would urge parents to look for ways to discipline that balance both the neural training as well as intellectual training. There are likely effective ways to build both the neural and intellectual behavior without violence - but they will require love and effort on the parent's part to find, and what is effective will likely be a little different for each child.
- Lime
-
Magwitch
I have always been against any sort of conduct that is not kind (including raising your voice). I can honestly say that I never raised my voice or hit my oldest daughter (she is 19 and perfect in every way). However, when my next daughter came along - she was an absolute imp. All the things that worked on my eldest did not work on her. At times I had to resort to a slap on her little behind and a stern voice. I am happy to say inspite of a spank now and then she did turn out just as well as her older sister. My point being - there are some kids that do not understand a kind, reasoning voice - they need something a little more jolting and there are children that are simply crushed by a frown from their parent. Make parental discipline based on the child, not what we read or hear.
-
letsslatejws
If a child is acting up, I would like to know why anyone would think its okay to hit there child so as stop them ? I think it is far better to take things away that they love playing with, then return them when they have learnt their lesson and start behaving..... Slapping them or hitting them just doesnt teach them anything other than its ok to hit others.... Maybe this is why too many teens / adults hit other adults ending up being done with GBH, simply because theyve never been led by any other example .....
Food for thought I think :P
-
elderelite
I have trained both my kids just as I have my dogs. I love my dogs\s and have NEVER had physically touch them in a cruel way. It works. They are all different. They simply have to understand, though CONSISTANT example, that you are in control. Your standards can't be flexable or wishy washy. however, That dosent mean you are rigid or treat every situation the same. you also have to teach them, just as a dog does its pups, to be independant one step at a time. Balance in all things. Beating them is not balanced, even when done "in a spirit of love". However, as mag and a some others noted, a little slap on the rear to get the attention is not a beating. But not every child needs that or even responds to it. all about the individual..
-
wasblind
Beautiful statement Magwitch , wonderful reasoning
-
PSacramento
why not smack them in the head.... the message will arrive to the brain faster, using that logic.
I don't hit ANYONE on the head, unless it is in self protection.
Now if you are looking for his attention....... have you tried of going down looking at them straight in the eyes and explaining them what you want? Is spanking in the butt the less painful way to get their attention that you can think of?
What meakes you think I don't ?
Of course I do, just that my expereince has shown me that every so often, a smack on the butt gets their attention so I can explain things to them.
Dude, I smack my wife on the butt a lot harder than my kids, LOL !
-
-
cyberjesus
Dude, I smack my wife on the butt a lot harder than my kids, LOL !
LOL I am up for that!
-
wasblind
Cyberjesus,
you mean to tell me you would smack your wife's ass in a moment of passion? a hit is a hit