JWs REFUSE to Reason! (page 3)

brotherdan

Got an email from the wife out of the blue...She knows how to hurt me right in the heart.

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i dont know if it is a good thing or not but i dont feel anything.you officially saying you dont want to go to meetings and trying to reason with me kind of put a nail in the coffin. I kept thinking you were going to come around and see what you are doing,now I realize that it does not matter and you are not coming back to the truth. i have realized in my heart that I am never going to leave the truth and now I have to do what is best for my kids and get them to the meetings on my own. it is going to be ridiculously hard and stressful, but it just means I need to rely on my brothers and sisters in the hall more. and they will help me and support me. it is just sad that we wont be doing it together. it has automatically made me feel different about you. but if I think about it, I will not be able to get out of bed in the morning. and unfortunately I dont have that option. I have to keep being an amazing mommy. we will see how long we can keep going like this. but I am kind of numb right now,and emotionless.i guess people can have emotionless marriages.I have cried more times than any human should cry. I have begged and pleaded. and i dont want to anymore. I give up. so i will try to be the woman in the hall that brings her kids by herself. cant have witness couple friends because her husband is an unbeliever. struggles to teach the kids by myself, and has a man in the back with different views of what to tell them. and we will make it work.it will be fabulous.

leavingwt

I'm sorry you're going through this. Her reaction is very common. There is hope, however. Please hang in there. It will take time.

Markfromcali

"it will be fabulous" ..???

Sorry Brotherdan, but let me just take the opportunity to point out one thing. She said:

it has automatically made me feel different about you.

That right there goes to show the fallacy of mistaking a belief for the reality. You didn't change overnight, but she didn't feel that way until she had that thought, and now she sees you through a belief in this apostate image rather than just you as you actually are.

bohm

BD: Forgive me, but i think your wife is trying to guilt you. I think she is trying to provoke you, to stroke the right strings in you, so you will be mad at her and she can rationalize what she is doing to your family.

Flipper is the guy i would take advice from, but were i you, my reply express the sorrow for how she feel, the hardship, etc. i would tell her i was sorry you and her could not talk about this, and not say anything bad about the JW (i am thinking she want you to say the JWs are the ones being judgemental. Its so obvious an comeback she must have seen it).

But i would stand firm on the descision.

She is obviously making a big deal out of you staying at home sleeping while she is out. Were i you, i would think very hard about what i would do with that time, but im not sure what is the best way to spend it (perhaps housechores? or would that signify guilt?)

But i am certain about this: you got to leave her alone for a while to cool down. let her know you love her, but make a deal with yourself there is no JW talk for at least a month.

brotherdan

Well this is what I wrote back:

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I don't want you to feel alone. I know that it changes the way that you feel towards me right now. But the fact is, I love you. And I think you love me too. Do you think we could have no emotion in our marriage?!? There is nothing BUT emotion in our marriage! :-)

You are not doing anything on your own. I have told you that I only have my families best intentions at heart. I only have my kids best intentions at heart. What kind of person would I be if I saw something that I truly believed was wrong, and I just ignored it and pretended that it didn't exist? I wouldn't like that person, and I really don't think you would either.

All that being said, I love you with all of my heart. I hate that I've made you feel differently about me. I hope that changes. But I will love you until the day I die.

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And then she wrote this back:

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you just dont get it. i will fall out of love with you. you don't quite understand that. I dont want to go on dates anymore. I don't want special time with you anymore.

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brotherdan

It sure does hurt to hear your soulmate say that, you know?

OnTheWayOut

While it pains you to back off, you have to back off. You are going to lose her otherwise.

I don't have kids, so it's easier for me with my soulmate. I have said my piece, now I must let her be. I continue to reach thru cult training in everyday conversations about everyday things. I challenge her to think for herself and push the envelope just a bit every now and again, but she doesn't want to hear any more about why JW's are not "the truth."

Work on letting the kids pursue normal lives and let her see that. That's my opinion. Otherwise, have a good marriage w/o discussing doctrine directly. She isn't ready for that.

brotherdan

OTWO, I will let it go. I have to. I'm scared for my kids to believe and get mixed up in this filthy cult, but what can I do? I will encourage them to live life to the fullest and give them the skills they need to think for themselves. It's the best I can really do, I guess.

Ding

BD,

Bohm's thoughts seem wise to me.

It's clear she's trying to lay a guilt trip on you, but that's the way the WT works and she's programmed by the WT.

At least she seems to be thinking in terms of staying married to you, at least for now.

I notice she assumes the kids will be going with her to the KH.

I imagine if you said no to that, she'd head straight to a divorce lawyer.

Are you communicating solely by email right now or do you have face to face conversations?

tec

Yes, I agree... you need to back off. Just be a husband and a father. Don't rise to the bait, don't cave under guilt, and (and this is a purely personal opinion and observation, because your wife sounds smart and pissed that you would try and use tactics on her) don't patronize her. I would say hit her with the hard stuff - JUST NOT RIGHT NOW. Not for many many months, perhaps much longer than that. Until then, and even after then, be strong in that you are doing what you have to do, in order to maintain your relationship with God and his son. Don't apologize for that if you're also apologizing to her - only for the pain that this is causing her.

Peace and strength to you, Dan,

Tammy

JWs REFUSE to Reason!

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