by brotherdan 388 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
Crazy suggestion, Brother Dan....
Do you know any DIS-ASSOCIATED JWs in your area??? Any disfellowshipped ones who were removed for their views???
Here in Denver, we've got an "Ex-JW" support group - do you have any in your area??? Look them up - they might be able to help... If not, if there's an ex-Mormon or an ex-Scientology group, they might be able to help, too...
Zid
Dan, I don't post as much here as I used to. However your experience sounds very familiar to mine. I spent 1 year doing my own research without sharing anything with others. When I told my wife that I would not go to meetings any longer she went crazy. I never even got the chance to do it one time. The next day she said she wanted a divorce and also told me she did not love me anymore. I was devistated at the time, it was truly the lowest point in my life and had many of the same feelings you have expressed on this thread. I got zero support from people at the KH, but got great support from 'worldly' people that I worked with.
Fast forward five years. It was the best thing she ever did for me. Yes, it will be hard in the short run, but in the long run you will be much happier then selling out just to keep your family in tact. You will end up resenting her and hating her in the long term if you are not true to yourself. I feel your pain, I was there, I lived it, I lost my wife, home, car, custody of children. It was a dark time while living it. However better days await you on the other side.
My only regret now, is that it didn't happen sooner.
I hope you can work it out, but if you can't, just know that it does get better.
A life away from all 'JWs' is far better for me than anything that I could dream up in my own mind that includes living with one. But that is just me.
Hi Dan,
I would tell your five year old boy the truth as to why you don't go to the meetings.
Even young kids can distinguish right from wrong, and the WT is very wrong.
Good luck with all this.
The Oracle
Yay!
Dans back
and i see a clearer headed stronger, angry and indignant man
and that, is what you need right now...
put on those gloves, roll up those sleeves and give no quarter!
cheers
oz
I snuck in the house and slept in the office/guest bedroom. I thought I was going to have to sleep in the car.
I have told her that she does not have my permission to take the kids out of state. I also said that I will leave instead of her. My kids need their home. I'm strongly considering backing down a bit for now until things calm down. I have a feeling that I'm not handeling any of this right.
Sounds like you are handling it much better today, than you were yesterday. Telling her firmly that she does NOT have permission to take the kids out-of-state is the first step. The 5yo needs school in your area and the kids need the stability of a family household. Above all DO NOT LEAVE and do tell her that her leaving with the kids is not an option. I'd go about normal business and maybe sleep in the other room again tonight, then tomorrow night back in your normal bed. You have done nothing wrong, but not want to attend JW meetings. If a man has to lose his family for that, then there is seriously something wrong with the religion.
Think About It
Perhaps I can contact the elders and ask if a woman is entitled to leave her husband who decided that he no longer believes in the religion. I'm sure they will tell me, an outsider, no.
What then?
Hmmm....
All the best to you Dan.
You are right when you said you are not handeling this right. If she was really sick of you she would have left without even telling you. Just be easy............. Give her some space, tell her you will leave the house for a few days to give her some space to think. Make sure you take care of stuff around the house, cutting grass, taking trash out, and ect... Make sure she has everything she needs. Go over there for 20 min a day.. to make sure the house is striaght. Tell her you love her and ect.... When you do come back home tell her you want to talk, talk about counseling and ect.... Wait to things cool down. Also for future reference you might not have told her at the right time you did not want to go to the meetings. Being a housewife is not easy it is a 24 hour job, and stressful... maybe you should have waited until things calmed down and is in a routine. I am currently a housewife myself with a 4 year old and 8 month old, operating with little sleep. That alone makes you angry and irrational. Also my husband takes care of the kids so I can have me time, you know get nails and ect done, and go to the gym. Think about it. Also garyneal thanks for the welcome.
I would NOT leave the house. She can claim to the courts and to the elders that you abandoned her without support. You stay put. Let her move or sleep in the spare room. You have done nothing that you should need to move out of your home or your room. She won't move, because she has no means of support. You have a job and YOU have to have a stable home to sleep in to continue to support your family.
The only way she will move is if she has JW friends or family egging her on and willing to take her in. Or, if she has another man in the wings that she is hiding. If she is serious about a divorce and not just manipulating you, she will go to legal aid, she will file for custody of the kids and spousal and child support. You will have to do nothing except show up and say your piece. She has absolutely no need to move out of state because she has no job there or family. It is just a move to get the kids away from you and threaten you for not being a JW.
I would still consult a lawyer and get an injunction against her moving the kids out of your visiting range, based upon her threats to do so.
Dan, I agree with C.D. If it's safe for you to stay there, why give her an excuse to claim you "abandonded her" when she's trying to force you out? Why spend money on rent when you've already admitted the finances are tight? You can take the high road without giving in.
(edit to add) It was good to tell her not to move the children out of state. It would be better to put it in writing or say it in front of a credible witness, to avoid a "He said/She said" game.
I'm sorry brotherdan. Regarding your children. I'd tell them the truth. Something like.."I believe in god, I love your mommy and I love you. When you get a little older we can talk more about it." For a five year old that's probably enough for him he'd probably walk away fine. I'd always keep the communication easy and clear with them. As far as your wife, humm...what's up with her going out with "worldly" people for drinks? (I've always hated the term: Worldly). JW's frown on that big time. Besides doesn't Jehovah want her to work it out with you and keep the marriage vow? Your wife drinking with other people could possibly open the door for affairs. I'm not trying to make it worse, but a woman=cocktails=need to talk to someone that "Understands." Plenty of men out their willing to listen, even brothers in the hall. Becareful brotherdan. Although I'm sure she's a good woman, right now she's really confused because the life you and her created and lived this far, she was comfortable and happy (I'm assuming).
What about having your parents or other family member (non JW family member). watch the kids for the weekend and your wife and you go out in the town, have a couple of cocktails, stay the night in a new city. Kind of get-away for the weekend or for 3/4 days? You wouldn't have to worry about the kids maybe she'd open up about her thoughts and you both can possibly get closer..just a thought.
I kind of went through the same thing many years ago but I never had kids. My husband was a MS and he was worried what to tell people why I wasn't at the meetings. He said "She's sick." In a way I was sick of the meetings. lol. I'm not trying to make light of your situation. I just hope that she comes around. Are you able to give more detail? Is she a pioneer? etc..
