by brotherdan 388 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
Sorry, it's midweek and I don't have time to read everything that's been posted.
Dan, have you stopped the credit cards and closed the joint account? She isn't going to rob you and leave you with a mountain of debt is she? Have the elders been notified of her rebellious, prodigal ways?
FYI, there are plenty of other trophy wives to be had. Didn't you learn anything from Garritt Losch @ Morning Worship?
We left the JWs when my oldest child was around 8 years old. I was the first one who wanted to bail - mostly because of the horrible, unloving way the JWs treated me while I was suffering from postpartum depression, and partly because I could not reconcile what I had started reading in the bible with what JWs were teaching. After about six months of personal research, and dropping breadcrumbs of information for Mr Scully, he was ready to leave too. Our 8 year old never asked us why we were not going to meetings anymore, but he did ask "If you aren't going to meetings, can I get a ride with Brother X?"
That was when we realized that he was more indoctrinated than we thought - considering our not even half-assed attempts at Family Study™ and our less-than-stellar Field Service™ records. We sat down with him and asked him if he enjoyed being a JW. If he understood what he was learning at the KH. He didn't like it and didn't understand it. He felt embarrassed that he felt he could only be friends with other JW kids, and he felt bad that he missed out on fun stuff at school. So we told him that we had been thinking about things a lot, and doing a lot of reading and felt that we had made a mistake and didn't want to be JWs anymore. We told him that parents want what's best for their children, and we were JWs because we thought it was the right thing to do. When we got better information, we realized we needed to stop being JWs.
He was actually thrilled that he could have friends because he liked them as people, not because they were from a JW family. He was excited about having a birthday party, and Easter and Christmas, and about being free to choose whatever job he wanted when he grew up. From the time he could talk, he always wanted to be a policeman, and it killed me to tell him that he wouldn't be able to do that when we were JWs. He's all grown up now... and he's training to be a police officer. He doesn't remember being 2 years old and telling me he wanted to be a policeman when he grew up. But I do... and I can't tell you the good it does for my heart to know that he's doing something he's always wanted to do.
I can't tell you what exactly to tell him, but it's probably a good idea at this point to not create friction between him and his mom. Maybe something along the lines of being able to choose your own path in life, what is going to be best for you, and the most beneficial for your family. And it doesn't hurt to throw in some humility and say that sometimes grown ups have really hard decisions to make and you're just trying to make the best choice you can for everyone. It doesn't throw his mom under the bus, it doesn't throw the belief system under the bus, and it doesn't force him to choose sides.
If your wife does have postpartum depression, and you want to talk about it, feel free to PM me. Been there, done that. Truly, the JWs were the most hateful, unhelpful, unloving bunch of ignorant jackasses to me while I was suffering from this horrible condition. They were the ones that drove me away from the religion.
Please keep us posted, Dan.
A lot of folks here are concerned about you and your family.
Well, I'm gonna get a lot of flack for this...but I backed down a bit. I think it was the smartest thing to do in this situation.
I'm in full "Theocratic Tact" war strategy now. I told her that I would go to the meetings if she promised to go to marriage counseling with me. She was hesitent but finally agreed.
She did say, "I'll go, but I will not talk to them about religion. You know that Satan uses them to influence us."
Right now, I am just going to take what I can get. Maybe I can find a marriage counselor that has some sort of background in counter cult techniques? I don't even know if that exists...But I'll try to find one.
So, tonight I'm going to meeting. :-( Wow...I only avoided one meeting on that attempt!
Things are rough. I now see that our love is NOT unconditional, and that really changes the way I feel about her. But I do not want my kids to have a broken home. I don't want them to have to deal with the issues that come up with divorced parents. I just hope and pray that she will eventually see the truth about this organization.
In the meantime, I can endure the abuse of being called selfish and a dirty apostate. I know it's not ideal. But I would rather suffer than my kids suffer. I'm just keeping my mouth shut and I'll let the Lord work. Maybe I'm not the one he has chosen to lead her out. Maybe it belongs to someone else.
Dan you are living your life and have to make whatever decision is best for a good outcome. I wish you the best with your wife and that she may come around. ((hugs))
Thanks Butterfly. I'm just flying by the seat of my pants. I really don't know what the crap I'm doing. I'm just trying to make the right decision as I go along.
I fly by the seat of my pants too, Dan. Sometimes we just have to feel our way along. Keep posting and keep praying. Both will help with perspective.
I will note that I don't think there is a chance that religion will not come into the marriage counseling. Its a major issue, but hopefully you find someone with that sort of experience - and I'm sure they are out there; you could even just call one and ask them to recommend someone with experience in cults and/or religious animosity.
I'm thinking about marriage counseling myself, except my husband won't likely agree to it. But we can't really talk to one another because we're talking different languages. I guess all I want is a mediator, someone who speaks both languages.
Tammy
Dan,
No flak here.
In order to keep yourself sane at the meetings, pray (silently) for God to open the eyes of everyone you see there.
Start with your wife and pray for each person individually.
Another possibility is to take out your Bible and silently read passages that are especially meaningful to you -- some Psalms maybe or various epistles.
Maybe Randy Watters knows of a counselor in your area who has experience dealing with JWs or other cults.
You can contact him here by PMing "Dogpatch" or go to www.freeminds.org and send him a message.
If you want to talk, feel free to phone me.
Please email the friend I mentioned if you haven't already.
I think he's traveling right now but he'll have access to email and will be glad to meet with you face to face when he gets back.
In order to keep yourself sane at the meetings, pray (silently) for God to open the eyes of everyone you see there.
Thanks for the suggestion. I'll do just that!
Well, I'm gonna get a lot of flack for this...
BD.....I doubt anyone will give you any flack. Sounds like a smart plan to me. It's a powerful cult that is often stronger than family or marriage ties. Because you are smart, it was easy for you to see behind the curtain. Now that you know the grip that the cult has on your wife, you can be more sutle in trying to wake her up. Consider it a challenge to put up with it until you can take the family out together. Good luck.
Think About It
