Fear and guilt drive the whole Watchtower system...
... fear of punishment and
...guilt over never having done enough and never being good enough
Dating a JW for 3 yrs
by justbreathe825 92 Replies latest social relationships
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MMXIV
justbreathe825,
The JW's use all means of control. Fear and guilt are used all the time by the WTS and the people in it. Sadly on ocassion some like jamiebowers have also been subjected to far more such as threats to their life and physical abuse and had to take drastic action just to be here today to tell the tale. That tends to be extreme, but not uncommon.
Getting back to the guilt. It doesn't stop. Many JW's suffer depression or other similar problems due to not being able to live up what you are told to. They are told it is due to their lack of faith in the new system rather than something medical. You are made to feel guilty for not going to every meeting, going on field service enough, not getting enough bible studies, not spending enough time studying all the WTS publications. It isn't long before you feel guilty for not being happy??!! You will also be guilted into feeling selfish - that it is your fault.
JW relationships often involve a lot of guilt as people simply adopt the WTS techniques. They can also lack real honesty as there are so many things you are not allowed to say or do. Living a double life or justifying what you do is almost a given. Your bf is clearly being heavily controlled by his parents as well as the WTS. Not a good place to be. He will have to do a lot to sort himself out but the first step is wanting to.
The fact you can correctly recognise the source for feeling guilty is a great step and being able to stand up to it.
I hope your chat goes well. You are certainly approaching this in a mature way.
mmxiv
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Stealth
"How did you ever come to be dating this guy in the first place? Do you realize that it is probably because as a non-JW girl, you were a lot more "fun" to be with, and unlikely to go running to the elders when he pressed you for sexual favors?"
This is a good question considering there are something like 5 available women for every available man in this religion. And look how often we hear these same kind of stories here on a regular basis.
I think the religion itself is responsible for this phenomenon. Who would buy a car without a test drive first? Not most people, and you can always trade a bad car later. Yet this is what they expect when it comes to choosing a life long partner. With a 5 to 1 ratio of women to men, why the need to even look elsewhere? Just another sick symptom of this high control cult .
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garyneal
Please listen to yourself on this one. If you are having any concerns or doubts, now is not the time to jump into something you will later regret.
I know you said that you are 25, I remember being 25 and not too sure of myself. I am almost 40 now and while my life is good for the most part there are definitely things I would've done differently. I love my wife and want to help her through all this guilt she has between just enjoying life and trying to be a good little witness at the same time. Some members of her family who are witnesses have some serious issues and I cannot say whether or not it came as a direct result from the religion but I do believe that this religion is a large contributing factor.
You do not want to wind up my age wondering why you married someone who your gut was telling you something wasn't right, do you?
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blondie
DO NOT GET BAPTIZED....this is not like becoming a Lutheran or a Catholic.
If marrying a jw or so-called inactive jw consider:
1) Issues regarding children...transfusions?....birthdays, Christmas will generate big fights.
2) Inactive jws suddenly will want their children to become jws...so they don't die at Armageddon, although the WTS teaches that minor children will die eternally if one parent is not a jw in good standing.
3) Do not marry someone who goes to their parents for input, not you. You should come first.
Blondie, an inactive jw who married a non-jw....which worked because we honestly considered all these points.
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justbreathe825
Dear all,
I just came back from lunch and what it was supposed to be a "hello" phone call became a nightmare. he was pissed off. he accused me of setting up this evil plan so he had to confront his parents and take sides. Then he wrote me an e-mail and here is some parts that really hurt me not only as a person but as a girlfriend that loves her boyfriend and would never intentinally want to put him against his family or hurt him in any way:
"You may think you just wrote an email stating your feelings but it implicitly involved me and my beliefs too and thats all going to have to be discussed via many conversation with different parties and that is NOT what I want to be doing right now."
"In my opinion, which I believe very strongly, is that you counter passion with APATHY***. But the ball is already rolling I guess and I don't really want to see my parents or anyone right now ##### I feel stressed at all times while I'm awake thinking about stuff ###### and that sucks"
***referring to not bringing up his doubts about the organization (because he has many)
Its such a therapy to come back here and be able to talk to you guys that understand what I am going through
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Nathan Natas
You can make a choice to stop "going through this" right now. It's up to YOU.
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garyneal
I can't tell you what to do but in my datings days when I found myself in relationships with women who were unreasonable (and a bit unstable), I cut them loose.
Your bf sounded very unstable to me simply by referring to your concerns as 'your evil plans.' It's no question what I'd do...
NEXT
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garyneal
Just remember, you are a good person and you deserve someone who can see the good qualities in you. He does not sound like the one. I think you know what you have to do.
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cantleave
DONT DO IT.