Dating a JW for 3 yrs (page 2)

garyneal

I just read little imp's response and I concur, break up while you can.

I met my JW wife 8 years ago and when she and I started getting to the point to where it was obvious there was something going on, her family tried to convince her to let me go. I thought that my being a good person would win them over and to be clear to a certain extent they respect me. However, I would never fully be considered one of them because I am not a witness nor will I ever be.

For years I went to the meetings and like little imp, I've been to various churches and I did not see much difference between them and the witnesses. However, I was never interested in becoming one myself and I thought they would respect me as a Christian and still consider me a believer. They don't. To them, the only believers are Jehovah's Witnesses. I am an unbeliever to them, a worldly, etc..

Right now, things are okay between my wife and I. Quite enjoyable sometimes but there are times when I wish I had more. For better or for worse, we're sticking together and to be sure things are going pretty well for now. But if I had it to do over, I'd think twice about it. I don't think I would've gotten as involved with her if I knew then what I know now in regards to the religion and how it affects people. Having someone say, "I'm going to die, God's going to kill me," all because she decided to put up a Christmas tree is beyond ridiculous in my opinion. Witnesses are not permitted to have a balanced outlook on life.

For your kids sake, flee.

Gayle

I am amazed how many young JW guys/gals, become inactive JWs, don't live in accordance to JW dogma, rules and regulations, then get their "worldly" (JW term for someone never a JW) boyfriend/girlfriend). Then, they get these non-suspecting non-JWs in love with them and get engaged or married. Then, revert back to JWdom, and get their BF/GF to study with JWs and hopefully get baptized. I've seen this so many times,,

I think for many of the guys, their motive in part is to have their GF/fiance/wife to get more 'submissive', as extremely emphasized in the JW world for women,,. Well maybe in part they don't want their god to destroy soon this one they love now,,and in part to make their JW mom and dad happy.

Obviously, the JW belief system still sticks even though the 'fallen away' JW can't hardly stand the demands and burdens of the religion. What a dilemma!

Often I have seen where the girl now gets baptized,,marries, has a child or two, and then the JW husband/father leaves the religion again or completely inactive but some have eventually left the wife & kids, now hooked in the relgion. Unless, the JW person truly investigates/studies/re-evaluates the JW religion through and through and identifies it as completely false, then they are stuck in a type of JW "limbo."

There are so many "red flags" here. If you become a JW, are you willing to hardly have anything to do with your own non-JW family? As a JW, you will have to gain his family but lose your own family, as that would be encouraged and intimidated by this organization. You will be intimidated to attend all 5 meetings/week and door to door each week. You will have to 'dedicate' yourself to this 'spirit-directed (?) organization." Will it be acceptable to you for your children to isolate themselves from the kids at school, as they cannot salute flag, no songs and arts at school that are of holidays and national themes,,no organized sports,,no extracurriculars, no birthdays, no holidays,,your kids would have to go door to door too (poor JW kids can't stand door to door, JW style), cannot have non-JW friends, discouraged for college, the list goes on and on.

The organization short-cuts long term thinking as they only stress "soon" all this world is to end and contantly "baits" them about the new world "soon" to come. (Their message is 130 yrs old).

Please remain on this site for awhile, as you take your time to re-evaluate this and listen to the hundreds of stories of us who have been there and done that.

Nice_Dream

I think your gut feeling is right on target, and I would listen to what your gut is telling you. Your BF's family means a lot to him (spending 3 or 4 days a week there! wow!), and he's not going to give that up. Would he still spend that much time with his parents once you were married? That could cause a problem. Would your children spend lots of time at his parent's house too? That would make me hesitant to commit.

I just left this religion after being born into it. I'm in my late 20s! My husband is still kinda "in," but he agreed that our child would grow up neutral and not go to meetings. This makes me comfortable. If he pressed for our child to go to meetings, I would consider putting up a huge fight.

Sorry about your situation. Take your time, and listen to your gut.

wasblind

Anybody postin' on JWN, should not have the need to ask "Should I marry a JW"

But if you do marry one after bein' on this board, you went in with your eyes wide

open.

justbreathe825

thank you all for your support.It is certainly a tough position. I am 25 and don't ocnsider myself very social...so if i was to break my relationship I would be afraid to be alone. I wrote an e-mail o my bfs parents this mornign expressing my concerns and explaining them why I wont continue with my studies. His dad reply to me with a long e-mail telling me how Jehoha loves me and if I pray he will streghten me. One of the things I mentioned is blood transfusion and how I would never put someone's life at risk...he said there's very few cases when ppl die that mostly Jehovah saves them. Ok this makes no sense to me...but I feel so pressured into continuing my studies and getting baptized...Lastly he told me this:

"Finally, let me assure you our relationship with you has not changed. We love you and want to see you progress in the truth. We are hear to encourage both of you always and we will remain ever hopeful that you get past these bumps in the road and keep striving to please God! "

What a huge feeling of guilt I would have if I don't get baptized...why did I get into this...I wish my boyfriend would have warned me! I should have known when he waited almost 2 years to tell his parents about me :( before that I was in the d/l and mostly I was depressed...but of course he had no problem having pre-marital sex :0 and even now he lives a "double" life and I don't want to be part of it. I just want him to be honest, sincere to love me and support me the way I love and support him.

His ex warned me once and told me she broke up with him because after almost 4 years of being together he wouldn't tell his parents (she was also a non JW that went to meetigns n was studyin) she told me he was waiting for her to get baptized...i thought I was different nd he wouldn't do that to me. Now she's married with a kid...and I am still here waiting for something good to happen.

Thank you everyone you guys are awesome. I am sorry you went through so much but at the same time I am happy to have found you and be able to better understand this religion and its members.

oldlightnewshite

You sound awfully pressured to me, and to be honest, you don't sound like you're going to put up much of a fight if they start to really push you, (which they will). Quite honestly, getting baptized may well be the single most dangerous thing you will ever do in your life. Personally, I can trace back a list of bad things in my life that point to one pivotal point. My baptism. I cannot tell you how much I really regret that decision, above all other stupid things I've ever done in my entire life.

as LeavingWT says....

DO NOT GET BAPTIZED AS ONE OF JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES

james_woods

Going strictly by what you have said in your couple of posts about this situation all I can say is - you're better off moving on. Marrying into this family is going to be nothing but trouble from here on out.

Just my opinion... I am not a psychologist or therapist. I'm just a guy who grew up in the religion and managed to escape. It's a cult. Take our word for that part, if nothing else.

Pay attention to what Undercover is saying. Also to LeavingWT - do not under any circumstances get baptized into it.

My additional advice - do not under any circumstances get into a marriage over which you have already expressed serious doubts.

nelly136

you may be wary of refusing a transfusion for someone else and putting them at risk, if you marry him as next of kin he will be the one holding your consent papers if youre ever unconscious and need a blood transfusion.

Scully

He is NOT SUPPOSED to get married to someone who is NOT a baptized JW. The Elders™ have instructions to NOT perform a marriage ceremony between a JW and a non-JW. The pressure for you to get baptized is so that you will have the congregation's "blessing" on the marriage, and so the Elders™ will allow the marriage, perform the ceremony and permit the ceremony to take place in the Kingdom Hall.

The premarital sex is a problem for him - he's NOT supposed to be doing that. He can and probably will get Disfellowshipped™ if it becomes known. The Elders™ will have a field day with him and this is where the pressure is to keep your relationship on the d/l.

You need to run from this guy. He has been controlling you, using you, lying to you and about you, having sex with you when he is not supposed to, and because you don't have a strong support network of friends and family to fall back on, he will use the JWs to create an artificial social group for you to feel part of. When you question the beliefs, he attacks YOU. This behaviour will continue after you get baptized (because you are not supposed to question the Organization™ once you're a JW) and it will get worse after you get married.

You deserve someone who treats you with respect and dignity. He's treated you like a dirty little secret and is trying to shine you up so the people closest to him will accept your relationship.

Lozhasleft

Justbreathe I feel for you I really do. Its a terrible position to be in. I think you must sit your bf down and get serious about how you feel and what you fear for the future between you and for any children you might have. You shouldnt be on 'conditions' in this relationship at all...

At 25 sweetheart even if you split from this man you are young enough to meet someone who is 'free' to love you as you long for.

Loz x

Dating a JW for 3 yrs

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