Dating a JW for 3 yrs (page 6)

nelly136

"You may think you just wrote an email stating your feelings but it implicitly involved me and my beliefs too and thats all going to have to be discussed via many conversation with different parties and that is NOT what I want to be doing right now."

"In my opinion, which I believe very strongly, is that you counter passion with APATHY***. But the ball is already rolling I guess and I don't really want to see my parents or anyone right now ##### I feel stressed at all times while I'm awake thinking about stuff ###### and that sucks"

uh oh, looks like you may be seeing the true colours of a systematic double lifing lier.

justbreathe825

ok sorry, I have to correct myself...he didn't say "evil plan" (he definitely didn't use those words)but he certainly made it sounds like it. He just said I planned this to put him in a situation where he has to confront his parents about his believes...yeah I guess I hate him so much and his parents that I plotted against him :S

Ding

So sorry you are going through this pain, but far better that you should see it now than getting blindsided by it after saying "I do."

braveheart

Hello Breath...His cards are on the table...im with Gary...NEXT !!

Keep your FREEDOM...find a guy without the CULT baggage.

Peace and Strength. -BH

MMXIV

He is fully aware of what he should or shouldn't be doing as a JW and dating a girl in the world is a no no. The only credability he can get back is by getting you baptised. That is his evil plan. Then to try and shift the blame onto you (to use an old JW metaphor)?

If he had any sincerity he would be apologising to you, not putting the blame onto you.

This must be very hard for you.

mmxiv

oldlightnewshite

Your BF seems to be very self-centred right now. Is he always like this? Don't ever lose sight of the fact that he really shouldn't have gotten in with you if he's a good JW boy. Whenever he dumps on you and makes you feel like crap, remind him of that. You've done nothing wrong. Don't let him try and make his situation your fault. I know you must love him, but try and detatch yourself from the situation for a while and think long and hard about what he's done, and HOW he's done it.

I don't want to criticize him as you obviously saw a lot of good in him in the first place, and you're in love. But this guy needs to grow a pair of balls. I think you just need to be the person to push him to GROW them. If you manage to get him to decide to stick by his doubts, and risk ostracism by his family and friends, then it will make you both closer.

You need to dig your heels in. Remind him that the Org is dictating his life, and what's he gonna do about it!

Good luck x

palmtree67

He just said I planned this to put him in a situation where he has to confront his parents about his believes...yeah I guess I hate him so much and his parents that I plotted against him :S

How did YOU plan this?

YOU'RE not the one who's been lying about his past, lying to his parents, lying to you and living a double life.

If anyone planned this, it's HIM.

You sound like a smart cookie. I think you'll make the right choice. I think you already know what to do, you just need the strength to do it.

Wishing you that strength,

Palm

notverylikely

And there you have it. The JW's create an artificial situation where you HAVE to take sides where no reason for division exists. They THRIVE on it, they NEED it. They are an apocalytic cult that needs some reason to create division and strife to prove how the whole world is against them, when in fact the whole world doesn't give a shit.

They purposely put themselves apart and when you do not agree, they blame you. They are NEVER in the wrong. They do NOT compromise. It's their way or the highway and when they are acting utterly insane, they paint themselves as the victim, just like your BF is doing.

Do you want to me married and/or baptised into a controlling religion that denigrates women and has a sever victim complex and will seek to control your life, your childrens live's, control what you and your husband do in the bedroom, what movies you can watch, music you listen to, books you read?

song19

Sorry to hear your turmoil, it must be difficult.

As a wife myself who never ever met the expectations of her in-laws; it is challenging and frustrating and that lack of affection is saddening... and if you marry this man and do not become baptised, this will always cause division in the family, especially between you and your husband.

I realize you love this man... but you will never be first in his life, his religion will be and all those people he knows in it. The cult instils this into its members from infancy; Organization comes first. My parents shun me... they chose the religion over me... my own parents. Friends I have know my whole life... GONE. My best friend, matron of honour at my wedding... GONE.

I was taught this religion at a young age... and let me tell you, at 5 years old when you're told you have to do this or God will destroy you, you DO IT. Brainwashing is so easy on the young... they are vulnerable and will believe ANY story you tell them. For heaven’s sake my son believes in the Tooth Fairy because someone said it was real. Even though you think you can have children and say that they can't go to meetings... nothing will stop all the jw friends and family from teaching the kids with or without your knowledge. The kids will learn to resent you for not letting them go to meetings; you’ll be labelled as bad and evil. That is exactly what my mom did behind my dad’s back.

Let me tell you... I am constantly reminded of the regret of what being sucked into that cult did to my life. It ruined my joy as a child and as a young adult. I missed out on friends, extracurricular activities, pursuing any kind of life dreams, and most importantly schooling just to name a FEW. I missed out on life.

People posting here know what they are talking about... take their advice...

Hugs

Black Sheep

I don't really want to see my parents or anyone right now ##### I feel stressed at all times while I'm awake thinking about stuff ###### and that sucks"

It could be that he has serious doubts about the bOrg.

This can be a very confusing and painful time. He could be confronting issues he has had tucked away the in the darkest recesses of his mind for years.

He has been the under mind control of the cult for his whole life. He won't recover overnight. He hasn't got a pre-cult personality to go back to, so without the cult, he has no idea who he is and he will need help to get through it.

Until he fully realises he was brought up in a mind control cult, he is damaged goods. If he will let you help him, he might be OK, but don't bank on it, and don't go marrying him unless you know he is over it and is mentally free.

You may not even like what he becomes on the outside.

Dating a JW for 3 yrs

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