Marital Due and the KS (page 6)

brotherdan

djeggnog, the problem you run into when you make rules and expound on things that are not clear in the bible is that you start down a slippery slope. The WT is notorious for making rules that are not biblical. Let's take a stupid example of men having beards or women wearing pants to the meetings. Nowhere is this implied, but because they are looked at as being the rulemakers (not unlike the Pharisees), they have to make more rules when unique situations come up.

That is why the Flock book is so flocked up. The Bible clearly says that grounds for divorce are adultry. But then the GB steps in and says, "Well what if it is oral sex? What if it is mutual masturbation? What if it's just touching the boobies? What if it's with a dog? What if it happened years ago, but the spouse was not aware of it, and normal sexual activity continued among the married couple?

See the problem here? It's called "Legalism". It DOES NOT WORK. It can't work. There will always be another situation and another need for a rule.

Let me be clear on how they immitate the Pharisees.

The Bible was clear about there being no allowance for "work" on the Sabbath. Despite all the warnings about keeping the Sabbath, rarely does Scripture give examples of what constitutes "work." So what did the Pharisees do? They began to make RULES on what constituted "work". So they made all sorts of rules that weighed the people down. By doing this, they did what the WTS is NOW doing in actually violating the law. They violated this scripture: "You shall not add to the word which I command you, nor take anything from it, that you may keep the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you" (Deuteronomy 4:2; also 12:32). By adding the weight of their tradition to the law of God, they bound "heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men’s shoulders" (Matthew 23:4).

brotherdan

Basically you could rename the Flock book, "The Elder's Mishnah"

Lady Lee

Ok Many people here know parts of my story. I was sexually abused as a child by several different men - most not Witnesses but some were. When the elder learned about it I was sent into foster care in another city and lost all contact with my family for 3 years.

When I came back to live wth my mother she arranged a marriage for me with a person who was still studying. She insisted that we could marry the week after he got baptized. I barely knew him; had never met his family and had no feelings about marriage towards him and I had turned 18 only 2 weeks beore the wedding - he was 20. But I obeyed my very controlling JW mother and married him.

I knew it was a mistake after only 2 weeks but it was done. I had told him before the marriage about the sexual abuse in my childhood and that it would create problems. He said "We will handle it".

At the end of last week I wrote 3 columns for Freeminds about what happened and I think it would just be easier for you to read that

http://www.freeminds.org/support/dear-lee/being-disfellowshipped.html

http://www.freeminds.org/support/dear-lee/suicide.html

http://www.freeminds.org/support/dear-lee/closure.html

The suicide piece probably should have been written first but they came out the way they did. The suicide piece explains why I did what I did. I'm sure you will understand after you read them.

After you read them I will respond to any questions you have

notverylikely

That wasn't me. I wasn't pushing him to be anything.

Oh, I wasn't suggesting it was YOU. Apologies if that is how it read. I was just saying that I knew someone that wanted live a lifestyle like her husband made plenty of money, didn't want me, I mean, her usband to work the way you had to for it (but gladly spent every dime and planned to spend more), wanted me, I mean, their husband, to be a perfect dad, help keep the house clean, help weed the garden and keep the grass cut, spend at least 10 hours in service every month, do family worship night, reach out in the congregation, host congregation parties 3 times a year, perfectly understand her needs and never want sex except when she did 3 or 4 times a year in a good year, usually more like twice a year.

Her husband was a secret apostate at the time and wanting to fade. It was a recipe for disaster, especially when her complaints were that she had to get up, take the kids to school while at the same time getting ready for service since she was aux pioneering. My sympathy was low when the due wasn't rendered (despite protests that she was interested, just too tired) or that I wanted it too much and it turned her off, so I tried not acting like I wanted it, that led to many times going six months without. There was always a reason why it weren't happening and eventually I shut down because I didn't want to think things were looking up when she wanted to have sex twice in a week and feel happy only to feel crushed 5 months later when we hadn't done it since then.

She liked sex, but felt dirty about it and once said that she could probably go the rest of her life without it.

It was a recipe for disaster.

MrFreeze

Sex is bad mmmmmkay? Don't do that mmmmmmkay?

tec

She liked sex, but felt dirty about it and once said that she could probably go the rest of her life without it.

Which is what happens when people have been made to feel ashamed of sex and sexual desire. Can't just order that all away by calling it marital due.

Tammy

notverylikely

Which is what happens when people have been made to feel ashamed of sex and sexual desire. Can't just order that all away by calling it marital due.

So, yeah, you are 100% right. One other thing I forgot is that I was told the lack of desire was because she felt I wasn't spiritual enough and that if she knew I was closer to Jehovah (meaning, the WT), then she would feel more like it. So, the position I was in was "This is BS, but if I want my wife to have sex with me, I have to basically live a lie and fake it."

So I faked it, did pretty well at it for a while, had a book study in my house, was responsible for a service group, had responsibilities in the congregation, was getting about 14 hours a month in service in, etc.

Didn't change a damn thing. At all.

Not excusing what I did, but that was a shitty position to be in.

tenyearsafter

notverylikely...were you married to my ex-wife?!?

Scully

"This is BS, but if I want my wife to have sex with me, I have to basically live a lie and fake it."

I wonder how many married JW men Pioneer™ thinking that it's going to bring sexy back into their marriage? I'm surprised that the WTS hasn't tried to capitalize on this thought to improve the Pioneer™ statistics.

notverylikely

notverylikely...were you married to my ex-wife?!?

No, but soon I will have been married to MY ex-wife :)

I wonder how many married men Pioneer™ thinking that it's going to bring sexy back into their marriage? I'm surprised that the WTS hasn't tried to capitalize on this thought to improve the Pioneer™ statistics.

Yep. The WT, where ignoring your wife means she might want to give you some. Except that they have trained her from birth to think it's dirty. Catch-22, sucka!

(Technically that's not a catch-22, but still...)

Marital Due and the KS

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