Being honest with yourself, could you have reasonably adjusted your attitude and continued on as a JW?

by miseryloveselders 84 Replies latest jw friends

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  Mad Sweeney

  Its difficult playing both sides of the fence, especially when you don't see a happy ending regardless of what side you choose.

  It is difficult. Impossible for some to sacrifice personal integrity for the sake of the group. I couldn't do it for very long. It was making me ill until circumstances forced the issue for me. Just how long I'd have tried to actively fade and just how sick I'd have become is hard to say. What I will say is that not seeing "a happy ending regardless of what side you choose" is just a perception; it isn't correct. There is happiness (in the sense of fulfillment and contentment, if not downright joy) in freedom.

  Like Leaving said, it is the difference between freedom and slavery. Have you read the Autobiography of Frederick Douglass?

  http://sunsite.berkeley.edu/Literature/Douglass/Autobiography/

  I don't claim that JWs have it as bad as African American slaves of the 18th and 19th centuries but when you read about how he treasures his education and his freedom there's a definite empathy there.

  I have to admit though, that DeeDub's feeling of happiness from being part of a congregation, is something that I can relate to. Its hard being angry and disgruntled at the end of a meeting when everyone is laughing, smiling and generally enjoying one another's company.

  This is by design. The before and after-meeting fellowship er, association ritual is designed to build and reinforce belonging (one of the "three B's" of religious socialization). The article "Behavior, Belonging, and Belief: A Theory of Ritual Practice" by Douglas Marshall is pretty good at laying out how religious rituals function. It isn't unique to JWs and it isn't any sort of indicator of JWs having "the truth" because of "love among themselves." ALL religious groups do this, even "worldly" ones.

  It is great that people can find some joy and camaraderie with their friends.

  That is no reflection on whether the group of friends all belong to a dangerous mind control cult.

  Only the individual member can decide for himself or herself whether remaining in is what he or she will do. But very often, the decision to remain in is accompanied by delusions about what is really going on both personally and within the group.
• 

  MrMonroe

  I hated the place so much I wanted to leave. The only reason I remained so long was the belief that it was God's org and maintaining some contact with it was necessary to keep myself in God's favor, because I didn't want to die at Armageddon. Then I read Franz's Crisis of Conscience and I realised God didn't have an organization, there would probably be no Armageddon and there was no reason for me to maintain contact at all. They no longer had control over me.

  So, no, I would never go back. And, as with NewChapter, I could never ever ever ever return to witnessing, knowing how much I hate it, how futile and fraudulent it is and the (remote) possibility that it could lure others to join this cult.

  But as always, MLE, a wonderful post. Thank you for your thoughts.
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  flipper

  No, I could not have compromised my attitude. I agree with FINALLY FREE when he stated " adjusting my attitude would have been neither honest or reasonable. " I wasn't going to sacrifice my principles to please a bunch of people who had only " conditional " caring towards me anyway. I'd much rather be around people who see the REAL me , not the former cult MIND CONTROLLED me. It's much more sane to be away from it
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  dgp

  Looking at all of you with respect and sympathy, and wishing there was something I could have done.

  Misery Loves Elders, if you and I met on the street, you'd be the Witness and I'd be the worldly. Here we can be just you and me. Now, while I simply cannot take the place of those people you love, I like the fact that here there are no barriers between you and me.
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  straightshooter

  If I would have changed my attitude, yes I would still be a JW. But that would be going against what is "right" and "just". In any relationship one can bend so that the relationship continues. But there can be a breaking point where one just cannot bend to preserve a bad relationship.
• 

  Nice_Dream

  Our hall wasn't a warm and fuzzy one like yours MLE, so it was an easy choice for me. I struggled for years to be friends with women with WAY too much drama and unhappiness, who gossiped about you as soon as you left the room. I began to avoid going to meetings because I didn't want to worry if Sister Moody was going to be kind to me or ignore me because she felt like it.

  Like MrMonroe, I believed it really was God's org, so I put up with feeling like crap because I wanted to please God. Once I realized it wasn't God's org, that was the end of it for me. I am much happier being out than I ever was in.
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  mamalove

  My attitude was so far removed from what is REQUIRED to be a proper JW that I think I would have started drinking heavily, and taken sleeping pills to get through my life if I was choosing to stay.

  It sounds like you are ok with the flaws, and see something good that meets your needs. But everyone is different on what they can endure, and what they can live. You sound like you are pretty easy going, funny, kind hearted and open and honest. I really have not seen a mean bone in your body, and that is really great to observe, at least online ya know.

  Keep posting, I love your stories and thoughts. I have not seen you be a jerk to anyone, but I am sure if you say you are sorry all will be well again. Most people here are cool, maybe I think that cuz I have not had a run in yet!

  If you gave me a wet willy I would have slapped your hand and later when no one was looking, goose you real good and hard. ;)
• 

  clearpoison

  This is very interesting question indeed.

  I think I could adjust my thinking, it is much easier for me as my issues are truly on personal level. The teachings and theology whether right or wrong, or something in between do not matter for me in that extent. Actually I adjusted my attitude for decades, knowing that this is not my thing, but I better stick to it. Realising finally that my self-deceit do not lead anywhere, neither in this world or in world after Armageddon, was the tie-breaker for me. I understood clearly that I would not cross the gates to the new world the way I lived, and honestly I did not really even wanted to. For me it is really question about if I am decent enough not to lie to God or to myself. Adjusting my attitudes, as I see it today, would be just that, continuing the lie just to please some people. They don't deserve it, neither do I.

  So I could really adjust my attitude, if living a lie would not matter to me. Today it matters, tomorrow I have no idea.

  CP
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  cult classic

  I totally understand where you're coming from on this. It is a good question that hubby and I talked about extensively before we left.

  We decided that we had a duty to ourselves to examine everything we had been feeling, thinking and experiencing. We allowed ourselves to question and discuss whatever we wanted. And we reached the conclusion that we were right and Watchtower was wrong. That was a huge deal for us.

  We had spent our entire lives adjusting our attitude to fit the JW mold. We heard the clock ticking, not on "this old system", but on our very lives. There was no turning back.
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  cult classic

  I have to say I just don't have a serious axe to grind with anyone in my congregation or JWs for the most part. My beefs with the organization stem from how much my upbringing has affected my life as an adult , and not being able to express all of my views with fellow JWs for fear of ostracism.

  Jesus said that you should love yourself. When you do you will realize that what you said gives you a major axe to grind.

  edited:

  Lately I'm wondering if for many, myself included, and apparently DeeDubz, the pros of being a JW, if even conscious of its many faults, far outweight being a disgruntled, hardheaded apostate?

  The third option is being a free mind, body, and soul. Free to find yourself, live for yourself and do for yourself sans all the Watchtower baggage. That's the place many ex JWs/cult members get to.