brotherdan,
from reading your responses it seems your really big hang up is the bible.
I had similar issues a few years back because I was raised to believe everything that's in the bible is true or God's word.
It was all I ever knew.
From my youth up I had a profound respect,admiration and longing to read in it.
Heck I was one of those that never had to be "encouraged" to read it because usually I already was.
Then as I grew older and really researched and studied it, I started noticing gaps or "holes" in it.
This only made me want to study it even harder because I wanted to find something in it to fill in the holes.
I always felt like the "Bible" was airtight,watertight more so than even the best built ship.
Then the questions just wouldn't go away.
If Jesus was perfect and the son of God, why didn't he write any of the bible? Who would've been in a better position than him to accurately portray what God wanted to be written down?
And yet we find out not one word of all that is claimed as scripture in the bible was attributed to Jesus own hand.
It was always so and so wrote that Jesus said this or he said that. And then ask yourself why was the gospels written so much later after Jesus death? When someone tells you something today that is over say two paragraphs long, how much of it do you think you would remember in 30 years to write down verbatim?
Only after I was able to come to grips with the thought that the reason I felt the way I did about the bible was because of how I was raised to feel about it, did my mind start opening up to all the other possibilities.
If you or I had been born in China,India, Iraq,Iran, or any other of various countries around the world, the odds are high that we wouldn't have been raised with such an elevated view of the bible as God's word.
One day you too may have such an eureka moment or epiphany.
Don't rush it and enjoy your journey along the way. You may discover more about yourself than you've ever realized.